The Lion King in All of Us

I saw the Lion King on Broadway last night. It was, of course, amazing. I first saw it with my wife and children right after it premiered in 1997. Last night, we took our granddaughter. And I thought it was even better as a show, which is testimony to a rare grip on the processes needed for extraordinary results over time.

In addition to the costumes, sets, lighting, music, and great acting and dance, the storyline was gripping in its simplicity. A young lion experiences tragedy, goes away, finds new friends, grows, learns, and then confronts a challenge of self knowledge. Who is he, really? What does he want? He discovers that he needs to return to his homeland and face a big challenge to reclaim his proper place in the world. This of course is the arc of the hero's journey. Leaving, learning, and leveraging that new knowledge for heroic results.

We should ask ourselves: Where am I in that adventure? Where am I in that arc? What new knowledge do I need, what new growth, what new challenge? How can a sense of self and even destiny play its proper role in my next steps? 

Each of us has our own way to roar.

When You Run, Run Free

Imagine for a moment that The Kentucky Derby is underway. It’s a beautiful day. The horses are all rounding a turn in full stride, close together, hooves pounding, sprays and clumps of dirt flying up from the track. The colors are dazzling. The jockeys’ bright silks are glistening in the sun – green, red, yellow, in solids, stripes, and patterns of diamonds. The action is frenetic. Whips pop against the horses’ flanks. You can hear the thunderous pounding on the track.

Now consider this. Many of us are those horses. We’re racing around a track we didn't create. We have jockeys on our backs urging us on, guiding us, and at times whipping us forward. If we’re good enough to win, someone gets a trophy. And when this race is over, there’s always the Preakness. And then we’ll get ready for the Belmont Stakes. And so it goes.

I was recently at a weekend retreat for incredibly high achievers. It was the triennial Morehead-Cain Forum that brings together from around the world and across the decades hundreds of men and women, along with their spouses, who have attended The University of North Carolina on a Morehead-Cain Scholarship, the nation’s oldest and most prestigious full merit scholarship. This honor pays for all college expenses, sends its recipients around the globe and across disciplines to continue their learning in the summertime, and gives them extra funds for personal and intellectual discovery along the way. Long ago, it allowed me to be the first person in my family and its history on both sides ever to go to college, something that would otherwise have been impossible for a young man like me who grew up in an eight hundred square foot rental house and could eat only two meals a day at home. I’m sure the Morehead-Cain also helped get me a full ride to graduate school at Yale, where I was able to study free of cost for six more years after college and earn a double Ph.D. in philosophy and religious studies. 

And here I was in a big room full of Morehead-Cains, as I have been over a long magical weekend every three years for the past couple of decades. Many of those around me are prominent doctors and lawyers who have changed their hometowns, or their prestigious big city practices, for the better, transforming things wherever they go. They’ve started companies, or television channels, produced movies, run global enterprises, made films, created Broadway plays, or performed in such venues. They’ve discovered, invented, created, and published. They’ve helped save the US Postal Service from insolvency, transformed blighted inner city neighborhoods, launched film festivals, fought wars, and run companies like Ancestry.com where we can get our bearings in the world by discovering our historical roots. Some of the former scholars are household names. Others quietly work behind the scenes to do incredible things that boggle the mind and help create the future for us all. 

And in one of our weekend sessions, we were discussing throughout small breakout groups how we define success. In two of the groups I sat in, it became clear to me, hearing everyone else speak, that we all got to college as great young race horses who knew how to win. And we all had small but powerful jockeys on our backs – the hopes and expectations of our families, the pressures of our peers, and our own needs for praise and accomplishment, along with various other forces that pushed us and prodded us to run faster, and always faster. As a result, we had indeed won lots of races and garnered vast arrays of trophies.

But at some point, it seemed, most of the older achievers in the room were starting to ask new questions. Do I want a jockey on my back? Am I running a race that I feel compelled to run or that I choose to run? Am I enjoying the process, or is it all for the water trough and big feedbag at the end?

As I listened to my esteemed colleagues speak of their lives in a vast array of very different terms, this vivid image came to me to organize most of what I was hearing. Are we content to run someone else’s race, on their track, for the entirety of our lives? Or is there perhaps a time to leave the winner’s circle at those venues and find our own paths?

Are we prepared to follow our hearts and go our own way, even if there’s no one to hand out a trophy as a result of what we do? Are we free enough in our inner selves to set our own standards, find our own goals, and pursue dreams that are distinctively ours, outside the glare and glamour of the track where everyone gathers? That’s a key to what I call true success.

There’s actually nothing wrong with running on someone else’s track, as long as that’s what we truly enjoy and freely want to do, and as long as there’s no bright smocked jockey pushing and forcing and prodding us along. We need to shake off the blinders and bits that have been constraining us, and make sure we’re finding our own way and doing what we do because it’s truly ours to accomplish and contribute to the world.

It was still a day away from when I would stand in front of all these successful people from around the world and close the weekend with my own session on “Wisdom for the Journey.” And I had other things to say. But as I sat in the final summation around the room of our small group discussions, I was moved to raise my hand and share these simple thoughts. And when I did, the great thoroughbreds in the room broke into spontaneous applause – something that surprised me. But then I realized that we had touched a nerve, and articulated a feeling.  The only smart bet for true success is that when you run, you need to run free, and stay true to your deepest self.

The Art of Writing

 “The art of writing is the art of discovering what you believe."

That insightful perspective was articulated by the great author Gustav Flaubert.  And it captures my experience well.

I often get new ideas in conversation. But I never fully understand and own those ideas until I write about them, either for myself, or in a blog, or a book. Writing, at its best, is a form of thinking. It clarifies our thoughts. And it leads to new thoughts. It even expands us, when it's done right.

People long kept diaries and journals, reflecting on their day. But few do so today. The daily journal or diary is a great avenue to enhanced self knowledge. So is writing letters to friends and family. Even social media can be used for this purpose, however seldom it actually is. There's no reason, in principle, that a tweet can't serve a spiritual end.

Most of us have had an interesting experience. Maybe you've come away from a lively conversation, having learned something not just from what you heard the other person say, but from what you heard yourself saying in that conversation. Talking, at its best, can be a form of thinking. Socrates showed us this long ago. Yet most people talk just to communicate, question, or to grouse. Talking through a puzzle or problem can be an effective first step in solving it. But writing about something can at times be even more effective. Putting down on paper, or on a screen, what we're thinking allows us both to create a new line of thought, and then to examine it, as if from a short distance, and gain even more perspective.

Here's another common experience, one many of us had when we were in school: Called upon to write on a topic during an exam, we suddenly realized to our shock and amazement how vague and incomplete our ideas were. We felt a twinge of panic. Sometimes the mind went blank, completely offline. What a difference it could have made to write on the exam topics in advance, in preparation for the test itself!

I don't speak from notes when I'm in front of people. But I prepare with notes. That clarifies my thinking and even helps me remember what I want to say. The simple act of making a "To-Do List" before bed can implant the items on the list firmly enough in my memory that, the next day, I don't even need the list. It's already served its purpose.

When we write, we discover, we deepen our understanding, and we remember better. In setting goals, it can be very beneficial to write them out, and chart out the intermediate and more immediate steps that it will take to reach the goal. It stimulates new thought. And it generates motivation. 

So: Write to discover! And: Write to become!

It's almost never wrong to write. You heard it here.

Crafting Your Own Story

Who are you in the story of your life? What's your overall narrative? How do you cast yourself as the hero of your story - or at least one of the heroes? It can make a big difference in how you live.

My friend Clancy Martin has a very nice review essay in today's New York Times, discussing the new book with a clever and ironic title, Keep It Fake: Inventing an Authentic Life, by Eric G. Wilson. The lead idea is a simple one. A guy went to his therapist depressed, and wanting to be a better father than he thinks he is. The therapist demanded that he go home and construct a new narrative for his life, in which he wasn't a bad, depressed father, but something else altogether. The author took up the challenge with vigor and began viewing himself as "Crazy Dad" who would do all sorts of outlandish and fun things with his kids. He began acting a new role, revamping the Book, or Reality Show, that is his life. And things got much better, right away.

We're always told to know ourselves and be true to ourselves. But isn't it just as important to invent ourselves well? We're all artists. Our selves are works of art that are created and crafted day in and day out by our thoughts and actions. Who are you in the story of your life? Do you allow someone else to define you, at work or at home? Or do you take on the responsibility and hard joy of self creation, self definition, and becoming that Aristotle thought is so important?

What story do you tell yourself about who you are? Is it working? Or is it time for a creative redo? Should you be playing a different role in the way you see yourself and approach your day? Or would that make you somehow fake, or inauthentic? Perhaps, done right, it's all about making, and not faking. We're challenged to create and take on roles in life that will work. My philosophy buddy Clancy Martin, and the author Eric Wilson, give us all something worth thinking about.

Your Heart Knows

Whatever you feel in your heart to do, try it, regardless of the outcome. Life is mostly about process, not results. The results may or may not come. That's not up to you. The process is. Entirely. And how much in life is? Trying is entirely, 100%, up to us.

Today, I heard some guy being interviewed on NPR. I listened for 20 minutes and never found out who was being interviewed. But one point he made is worth repeating. He tried what he loved, and with no expectation of success. He poured himself into it. He said that no one in his family had ever caught a break. They were poor and caught in low end jobs. No one had ever succeeded, financially, or in most other ways. But he couldn't help trying to do what his heart told him to do. And he succeeded, wildly. We can rise above our backgrounds. We can. We often do. And our parents, and grand parents, and their ancestors would most likely applaud us, if we're doing it right. But, ultimately, it's all about heart. Do you feel it in your heart? Do you feel like you have to do it? Then do it, regardless.

One of my old childhood friends is a song writer. Some people say he's the best song writer in the history of country music. He moved to Nashville at about age 20. He wrote songs like "The Gambler" and "Forever and Ever, Amen." Years later, I asked him what the competition was like when he got to Nashville. He said that, at the time, he didn't know, but that now, he realizes that about 3,000 song writers live there at any given point. I asked him how many make a living doing it. He said, less than 200. I then asked whether he knew the odds against him when he moved there. He said, "No. But it didn't matter. I had to do what I was doing. It was in my heart. I had no backup plan."

One of the greatest gifts of life is to do what you have to do, whether you think you'll be successful or not. Living who you are - that's the key. Responding to what's in your heart. And that's the secret to a great life.

In the photo today you see my old friend Don Schlitz with Mary Chapin Carpenter, doing what's in their hearts.

Self Knowledge and Goal Setting

I was giving a presentation recently on success, and we were talking about the importance of basing our goal setting in self knowledge. I explained that one philosopher had parsed self knowledge in an interesting way. He said, "Know your strengths. Know your weaknesses. Know your opportunities." And that's interesting, isn't it? Strengths and weaknesses are inner things. Opportunities are outer things. So how can knowing them, as external circumstances, be a part of self knowledge?

A situation that creates a great opportunity for one person will not provide the exact same thing for a different individual. Knowing what external situations are opportunities for you is a matter of self knowledge. But, how so?

Maybe we need to dig a little deeper. Maybe the imperative "Know Yourself" has a few more elements:

Know your strengths. Know your weaknesses. Know your limits.

Know your passions. Know your ideals.

Weaknesses are certainly limits, at least for now. But not all limits are weaknesses. Some limits are a result of our prior choices and commitments, and some are actually among our strengths. A robust and proper structure of commitments is a great thing to have. It empowers and it limits. And such limits will be very relevant to the goals we decide to set or adopt.

Knowing your passions is equally important. Some are strengths. Others are weaknesses. Some may be neither, in themselves, but developed can go either way. Passion is a source of drive and motivation. Setting goals outside of any concern for our passions is never a recipe for greatness.

And perhaps most important of all is knowing our ideals. We all have fantasies, desires, or passions that would not be right to pursue in a certain way or at a certain time. Our ideals are those values that should guide us in choosing. And they will help to determine what external situations do indeed provide opportunities for new goals and new successes.

All goal setting should be an ongoing exercise in self knowledge. And all these factors matter.

The Two Hardest Things

We're told that the holiest spot in ancient Greece, the Oracle at Delphi, had two inscriptions of advice chiseled into marble to welcome all visitors, who typically came for advice. They were:

Know Yourself.

Nothing in Excess.

The longer I live, the more I come to appreciate the depth and practicality of these two recommendations. Ironically, knowing yourself may be the hardest thing in the world. And why? Nothing is closer to you than your own self. But it's protected by layers of obliviousness and self-deception. Getting to really know yourself is like peeling back the layers of an onion. And it might bring tears. But nothing is more important for living a good, successful, and happy life.

As hard as self knowledge has been for me, avoiding excess has been even tougher. I'll eat too much, drink too much, work too much, exercise too much, and talk too much. I may even blog too much. But that's me. I'm lucky I lived through my twenties, with all the stupid excessive things I did. And I'm just coming off two months' worth of muscle strains from taking a perfectly good exercise in the gym, and doing an insane amount of it in an excessively short time.

Aristotle nailed it. Excellence is always somehow about identifying the too little and the too much and equally avoiding them both. Virtue, as he said, or strength, in a more modern idiom, is about finding what's just right. 

And the two recommendations at the Oracle are of course connected. You don't know yourself unless you understand your limits and what counts for you in any domain as "excess." And you can't avoid excess unless you truly know yourself, what motivates you, what prompts you, and when you're most likely to make bad decisions that cross the line.

So here we are millennia later, and I can't think of much better advice than what was carved out of that marble so long ago. Maybe these ancient admonitions could be the basis for some 2015 New Year's Resolutions. Maybe they'd be good guides for the days to come. But, knowing myself as I do, I have to avoid implementing them ... excessively.

Success Envy

"The world envies success." Thus spake Barbara Streisand, as quoted in the Sunday New York Times.

Is that true? It may well be. In any case, let's suppose it is. Then we have the question: Why?

Well, for one thing, I've seen far too many people pursue success in what becomes an almost totally selfish way - presenting the specter of one small ego ludicrously inflating itself and fighting hard to rise above all others, who are often either doing the same, or keeping busy resenting those who are. An old Hindu proverb says, "True nobility consists not in being better than some other man, but in being better than your previous self." From a deeper perspective, success isn't about beating others. It's about developing yourself.

An Australian once told me that, in her culture, people resented stand-out success, almost always seeing it as an unfortunate and unseemly assertion of the self over others. But could Streisand be right that it's ultimately envy that underlies even such resentment?

I've come to believe that we're all born to flourish and succeed, with our own talents, in our own ways, and on whatever stage is right for us. That success could look very small from the world's point of view, or large. But consider the possibility that any such appearances that seem to equate size with importance are just wrong. When we unconsciously believe that bigger is always better, and judge size by physical parameters such as money, fame, and power, then we put ourselves into a position where unnecessary and inappropriate envy can indeed arise.

Consider the possibility that common standards of success are just crude measures that sometimes manage to mark real achievement and life impact, but that also just as often miss the heart of the matter altogether. A humble person with a small life may be a huge success in things that really matter. And perhaps that's the sort of success that should be envied.

Are you making the positive difference that you're here to make? Don't waste your time worrying about whether your current form of success is big enough by the standards of the culture around you. Just be concerned about whether it's right for you. And if you're not yet where you truly want to be, you'll have a clearer sense of the direction you need to move in.

Know yourself. Know your proper form of success. And work toward it with a mindset that allows others their own suitable forms, however different, and without resentment or misplaced envy.

Today.