Life Skills

How skilled are you? Do you seek to identify, acquire, develop, and improve the most important life skills, in an ongoing way? 

We often think about success, and even happiness, as if it's mostly about talent and luck - what you're born with, and what comes your way, completely apart from your control. But obviously, this is a passive and even fatalistic viewpoint. We don't get to choose our talents, or innate levels of talent, and we can certainly position ourselves for luck to strike, but we can't call it down from the heavens. It happens, or it doesn't. That's inherent to the concept of luck.

I've come to realize that this common way of thinking is both wrong and terribly unhelpful. Life success is more about skill than it is about either talent or luck. A skill is something that can be learned and developed. Riding a bike, swimming, dancing, and golf all involve skills. You don't start off in life innately knowing how to do these things well, but you can learn, and you can get better with time, effort, and deliberate practice.

A lot in life is like that. Goal setting is a skill. Listening well is a skill. And because of that, great conversations tend to result from the cultivation of a skill, or a set of skills. Building and maintaining confidence is a skill. So is the mental act of concentration. Building a business, or a career, is all about cultivating the right skills and using them well.

I've come to think that building a life of fulfillment and happiness is like that, too. There are skills to be learned and cultivated. They are things we can get better at doing, as we seek to improve. But if we have a passive mindset, we won't even try. To me, the exciting thing about the concept of a skill, and especially the idea of life skills, is that once we have the concept and begin to apply it, we can change our lives for the better, and improve greatly. We begin to see little things everywhere that we can work on in our emotional and behavioral repertoire. And as we become more skilled at doing the things that count, that elusive partner called luck seems to find us more often, and treat us much better.

For good books related to this, books that will help you to understand this more and develop your own best life skills, go get Talent is Overrated, by Geoff Colvin, and Mindset, by psychologist Carol Dweck.

Life is Art.

Life is art. We'd like to believe that life is science, that there are precise universal laws for everything and, if we can just memorize the laws, and act in perfect accordance with them, we'll know exactly the results we'll get. But we've been given a more interesting existence than that cosmic scenario would provide.

We're all living with uncertainty, always encountering the unknown. We have great advice from those who have travelled this path before us, but it won't guarantee us the results we want. It will just position us for better results. It's all an art, not a science. We can still falter and fail. But that's Ok. Everyone does. That's why life takes courage, resilience, and skill.

If you're far enough along in the great scheme of things to be reading a blog like this, then you know what I'm talking about. We'd all feel relieved if life and love could be accomplishments like chemistry: mix the right things together under the right conditions, and you always get the right results. But what we've been given is vastly more interesting and exciting than that. We've been given the chance for real risk and true adventure. We still need each other's advice. But we can't give or receive guarantees. Yet, that's Ok. We're all in it together.

So seek advice. Give advice. Cultivate your skills and your art. Help others to do likewise. That way, you play to win, and to help others to win. And that's exactly what we're here to do. If this is our attitude, then any loss can just be a step in the direction of a win, and of a worthy work of art.

Luck and You and Me

Are you lucky or unlucky? It just might be that this doesn't really matter - unless, of course, you're in Vegas, like I am today. Believe it or not, philosophy often happens here. Maybe even more often than good luck.

Let me quote Diane Ackerman, from her great book Deep Play, where she is exploring how even our hardest work can be undertaken as a form of play. While pondering the role of something like luck in the game of life, she refers to an ancient text and writes: 

"In the Sanskrit Mahabharata, for example, we find men, who represent the seasons, deciding the world's weather and crop yield by rolling gold and silver dice. But, aside from luck or the favor of the gods, the player succeeds by his or her own talents." 

What does she mean by 'luck' here? Maybe anything beyond human choice, the force or cluster of forces that brings things into our lives apart from our own contrivance. You could equally speak of fate, or destiny, or divine providence. But for the sake of understanding Ackerman's remark, let's stick with luck. Then, we can articulate what I take to be her insight. We can say it a number of ways.

Luck sets the course. We decide how to play it.

Luck arranges the obstacles. We figure out how to move around and through them.

Again, perhaps: 

Luck paves the road. We choose how to travel it.

We all have challenges. Everyone has opportunities. Sometimes, one situation is both. And, viewed properly, the world presents much more of this duality than you might imagine. An opportunity turns out to be, also, and perhaps unexpectedly, a problem. A problem is revealed, in the end, to contain an opportunity. This happens all the time. I like to think of this phenomenon as a turnaround. Things that come into our lives can be, ultimately, quite different from what they at first seem. It's up to us how to react, respond, and rearrange our expectations.

Of course, luck is also often referred to as chance. And there's an ancient perspective on this. Chance favors the prepared mind, the skilled hand, the creative spirit, and the person with lots of great relationships.

We need to remember, the world isn't here to give us what we want, but to help make us into what we can be. And I, for one, could use a little help.

What luck!

Desire Beats Talent Any Time

"Desire beats talent any time." Mary Wells - Famous Talented Advertising Executive.

And this is my take:

Talent is potential. Desire is an actualizer of that potential.

Skill is potential. Passion is an actualizer of that potential.

Knowledge is potential. Vision is an actualizer of that potential.

Relationship is potential. Leadership is an actualizer of that potential.

Talent, skill, knowledge, and relationship are inert things without desire, passion, vision, and leadership.

Desire, passion, vision, and leadership are empty things without talent, skill, knowledge, and relationship.

There is a yin and yang with what we can call potentiators and actuators. Cultivate both sides. Start where you are, and then grow what you need.

Oh, and by the way, after great initial success working for someone else, Mary Wells, whom I quoted above, created her own firm of Wells, Rich, Greene, and with great talent and desire they went on to have such iconic ad hits as

• Plop plop, fizz fizz - Alka-Seltzer
• I can't believe I ate the whole thing (winner of the 1971 Clio Award) - Alka-Seltzer
• Try it, you'll like it - Alka-Seltzer
• I ♥ New York
• Trust the Midas touch
• At Ford, Quality is Job 1
• Flick your Bic
• Raise your hand if you're Sure - Sure deodorant
• Friends don't let friends drive drunk  - Public Service Announcement

Friends don't let friends allow their talent, skill, knowledge, or relationship potential to lie fallow. 

Potential begs to be actualized. Actualize some today.

Skill and Confidence

"Skill and confidence make an unconquered army." - George Herbert

Skill by itself may never accomplish much. Don’t you know very talented people who never manage to turn their talents into success? A skilled person with no self confidence will not likely try anything new and difficult. And every path to major success involves the new and difficult.

But confidence by itself can be downright dangerous. Confidence without skill is a recipe for disaster. It’s the combination of skill and confidence that makes for great achievements.

Make sure that the people around you understand this. Our skills and our attitudes are equally important for our overall success in life.