The Joy of Writing and Speaking

I love being a writer and speaker. When my wise friend Vinod Rangra read my book on Steve Jobs, Socrates in Silicon Valley, he told me that he drew from it an important lesson. He said something like: The problems that we confront and grapple with throughout our lives form us; the problems we choose to tackle along the way in part define us. Steve Jobs chose problems that were as big as his passions.

I remember thinking, "Wow." Vinod showed me something in the book I had not even been explicitly aware of. And he was right. That's a part of the joy of writing and speaking. I can put something out into the world to be pondered by wise people who may see a side of what I'm saying that I had never consciously recognized. It's almost like the quarterback who throws the ball downfield. A talented receiver has to catch it and often run with amazing moves of his own in order to get the touchdown that the quarterback alone could not have attained. And then Joe Montana, or whoever, celebrates it all, arms in air. And I can tell you that Joe isn't celebrating his nice pass, but what happened after the ball was out of his hands. I feel the same when the idea is out of my hands and some wise friend or reader or audience member takes it across the line to score a great insight or achievement as a result.

Of course, when you share thoughts with a smart friend, you can have the same sort of experience to enjoy. Wise partners help us understand the world better and more deeply. Write that note, share that thought, have that conversation, and you may end up celebrating a score you didn’t anticipate.

For the book, click here.

Age and The Way Forward

Right before I left Notre Dame, twenty years ago, a lady in her fifties whose husband was an administrator said to me one day. "I always have two friends, one much older, one much younger. The older friend shows me the way forward. The younger friend helps me get there."

I've always thought this is amazingly wise. It captures so many truths about age and friendship and personal success, about mentoring and being mentored, about about inspiration in its different forms.

Youth at its best has energy, possibility, enthusiasm, action, openness, hope, and ambition, among other virtues. Age at its best has experience, discernment, perspective, wisdom, and a hard earned form of wonder, and even, at times, a deeper joy and gratitude. Youth is rambunctious. Age is measured. Youth is unfettered. Age is guided. Youth embraces. Age understands. And on it goes.

The balance my friend alluded to becomes increasingly important with adulthood, but is always a help. Do you have someone to show you the way forward? Do you have someone to give you the energy to get there?

I hope you have two friends, one much older, one much younger. And if not right now, I wish it for you.

We all need someone to show us the way forward, and someone to give us the energy to get there.

The People You're Around

You become like the people you're around.

A man sitting next to me on a plane told me an interesting story. A therapist friend of his asked him to make a chart on a piece of paper. On the left side he was to write:

Physical

Social

Emotional

Financial

Spiritual

Then, he was to draw vertical lines, making five columns to the right of these categories, and at the top of the columns to write the names of the five people he was around the most, but including only one member of his immediate family. Then he was to assess the health of each of these people in each of those categories, writing a brief summary or evaluation, in as few words as possible.

The therapist left him to the task for 20 minutes, then came back in, and read over what he had writen. He then said, "I want you to look over this carefully. You have just predicted your own future. Make sure it's the future you want. Or make the changes you need to make."

I said, "Really? What happened as a result?" 

He said, "The divorce was easy. But ending my business partnership was a lot harder."

I was surprised. We don't always have to take such dramatic steps. But we do need to remember that we become like the people we're around. That can be great. Or it can be scary, depending on who you're around and what you really want to become. We're all in a state of becoming, all the time. Ask yourself this: Am I associating with the right people who will help me to become the person I most want to be?

And if the answer is not a resounding YES, then start making some changes, however small.

Today.