What's Holding You Back?

People often find themselves in activities, jobs, and even relationships of various kinds that seem to do nothing but dissipate their energies and drag them down. And even when the negativity is subtle, it can be draining. Life is too short for that, and too important an opportunity. We're here to grow and soar. Struggle is certainly a part of life, as well. And it's often necessary for deep growth. But nothing's worse than unnecessary struggle or a situation that simply confines your spirit and dampens your fire.

If there's something in your life that often brings you down, or that seems like an uphill struggle, or clearly holds you back, it could be a problem you need to tackle and work through. It might indeed be a source for positive growth. Or at some point, you may just have to ask:

Does it feed my spirit?

Does it touch my soul?

Is it an important part of why I'm here?

And:

Can I do some good in this and still be fully who I am?

If the answer in each question isn't a resounding yes, then that might be a touchstone for change, a sign that you need to rethink what you're doing. The world benefits most from flourishing people, and not so much from individuals who are living at odds with who they really are. Sometimes, you need to rethink what you're doing, and shed what holds you back, in order to move closer to the light.

Success and Toil. Wait. Toil?

"Success, remember, is the result of toil." Sophocles: Very Successful Greek Playwright.

It’s not just who you know. And it’s not just the luck of the draw. The wisest people have always acknowledged that success ultimately comes from hard work. First, the mental work necessary to establish an appropriate goal, along with a planned path to that goal, and then the ongoing work, mental and physical, necessary to implement that plan consistently yet adaptively in pursuit of your goal.

The modern paradigm of success tends to revolve around the apparent magic of the right idea galvanizing the right people at the right time. Before you know it, there’s an investor and a startup company, then suddenly an IPO, and everybody’s buying expensive new cars to fill up the 6 garage bays in their recently purchased mansions. But behind nearly every tech startup magic story in modern times, there's a tremendous amount of that ancient activity: toil. 

The lubricant of success is the oil of toil. It always has been. It always will be.

There's no way around it. You may one day win a lottery without it, but you’ll never enjoy any form of true success except as the result of it. But that’s no problem. Toil and pride go side by side. Yeah, it rhymes. Say it. Sing it. And remember it.

Today.

Ideals and Obstacles

Kindness. Mercy. Encouragement. Generosity of spirit. These are all moral ideals that I've written on recently. But there's an interesting thing about ideals. We never embody them perfectly. They may be perfect. But we're not. We fall short.

The value of ideals in our lives is in how we use them. They should be inspirational and aspirational - they should remind us, encourage us in the right direction, and often correct us.

The proper response to an ideal is to remember it and seek to live it. But we all encounter obstacles to the perfect embodiment of any ideal. We have our own psychological quirks and wounds, and some are buried deep beneath our conscious awareness. We have drives, and ticks, and sensitivities, and felt needs that can make it difficult to satisfy the strict guidance of our highest values. Something you went through in your childhood, or much more recently, could make it difficult for you, in some situations, to act in accordance with the golden rule, or your own best aspirations, in your treatment of another person, in action, gesture, or tone. 

Does that make you a hypocrite, for not always living what you might espouse? No, it just shows that you're a normal, fallible human.

Some people get all tied up in self-recriminations and guilt because of this problem. And those things then can become further obstacles.

How then should we respond to our own failures?

The first and most fundamental applications of kindness, mercy, encouragement, and generosity of spirit are always to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be corrective and yet merciful toward your own failings. Encourage yourself along the path laid out by your ideals. And be generous to yourself as you seek and struggle and stumble along the road of improvement. Accord your own spirit the high value that you want and need to accord to others. That will create the conditions within you by which you can, increasingly, be these things to others, in even the most difficult of circumstances.

Love yourself properly, and you can then love others properly.

That's the real ideal.

Ideas and Relationships - The Magic in Action

There is a magical yin and yang of insight, as powerful as it is simple, for your work, and your life.

Yesterday, I wrote my shortest blog ever. It consisted of two basic insights.

1. Ideas rock the world.

2. Relationships rule the world.

Then I recommended pondering, using, and relishing these truths while leveraging them for great things. And, boy, did you guys do that - instantly! I got more email from that short post than from any I've done! One old friend told me that he's going to remember to "Rock and Rule!" Another described what he's learned as an executive in the midst of a huge merger. He's been reminded that even great ideas, without the implementation mechanism of relationships, are inert, and that our relationships, without the guiding spark of ideas, never lead to anything new, innovative, and great.

There is a yin and yang between these two truths. Great ideas can bring people together, passionately, to form relationships and rally energies. And great relationships, in turn, can spark new ideas. Many ancient proverbs recognize this. And there's been a crowd of profound philosophers who have seen it in action.

It's one thing to find great ideas, and form great relationships, and another to make the most of them, with each other. Are we keeping our relationships fresh and energized with ideas? Are we planting our best ideas in the fertile soil of our best relationships? And are we ever seeking new ideas, and new relationships for that special yin and yang magic they can bring?

Propositions and partners, concepts and comrades. Ideas rock. Relationships rule.

Or as an ancient philosopher might say, if he had been born in our time:

Don't be a fool, go rock and rule!

The Two Most Important Business Thoughts. Ever.

The two most important thoughts for any business, or actually any life adventure:

1. Ideas rock the world.

2. Relationships rule the world.

So, my advice for the day is: Ponder these two thoughts. Use these two truths. Relish these two leverage points for your energy and passion to make a difference.

Who Do You Spark? Who Sparks You?

Socrates taught Plato. Plato Taught Aristotle. Aristotle taught someone pretty important, too - Alexander the Great, but back when he was just Alexander the Average, a teenager needing guidance. Greatness sparks greatness. And it always has.

I had an amazing phone call yesterday with an old friend who is three years into building a business that will help change the world for the better. Yeah, it's in tech. But its all about sparking great things through connecting people well. And she reminded me of something interesting. All new business builders need investment money at the outset, and along the way. But what they need most of all is connections - mentors, people to spark them, and guide them, and hook them up them to others who can reveal what it will take to get to the next level, and maybe make that crucial introduction that will change things like magic. Did you ever read Keith Ferrazzi's book Never Eat Alone? It's a great one on the crucial importance of relationships in business.

Who do you spark? Who do you guide? Sometimes, an act of mentoring takes just minutes, or even seconds, to shoot off a quick email with exactly what your friend or young acquaintance needed to hear, or know. Even the dreamers who are great doers need help.

In 1814, Miss Mary Shelley, only 18 years old, was traveling with a group of friends. They challenged each other to a competition. They'd each write a scary story for their mutual entertainment. She pondered for days what she'd write about, and then had a dream that brought together elements of things that they had all been talking over in their time together. She woke up and wrote it down, a great cautionary tale about setting goals without thinking through their consequences, the novel Frankenstein, that offers wisdom on so many levels. It payed off to be hanging out with the likes of Percy Shelley and Lord Byron. And it payed off for them to be with the likes of her.

Who are your traveling mates? Who do you hang out with? When I left Notre Dame years ago, a lady said to me, "Tom, I'm 50 years old, and I always try to have at least one friend much older than I am, and one much younger. The older friend shows me the way forward. The younger one gives me the energy to get there." And I'm sure the sparks flew back and forth among them all.

Wise words. Who do you spark? Who sparks you? Spark on.