New Goals

My gym has been amazingly full the past few days. Has yours? Don't worry, it won't last. There's a weekly version of this, too. Every Monday, the place is hopping. By Wednesday, it's just the old regulars.

In the opening days and weeks of a new year, we often allocate special energy to setting new goals. But then, a month or two later, it's back to normal, all too often. Why do so many of our New Year's Resolutions fade away?

Too many of us think we have new goals when we just have new fantasies. A fantasy is a figment of the imagination. I have a fantasy of lying in a hammock in Key West, perpetually. But it's not a real desire, not something that, when I actually think it through, I would want at all.

A desire is something stronger than a fantasy. Philosophers call it an inclination of the appetites, broadly speaking. It has some level of inner urgency to it. We feel a pull or a push toward anything that we actually desire. It isn't just an idle dream.

A goal is something very different. A real goal is a commitment of the will. The problem with many New Year's Resolutions is that they're fantasies, or desires, but not real goals. There's no commitment. And that's why they fade so quickly.

A commitment is a firm decision that has the quality of inner resilience. It can't easily be defeated. It's a motivated choice with renewable energy behind it, because of the values it embodies and that are therefore at stake. A commitment rides the wave of those values. And they are what will carry it on.

So if you've set new goals in the new year, and feel yourself wavering, ask whether you merely have a fantasy, or a desire, or have a real commitment, a choice based on values that you hold near and dear. Fantasies and desires can generate goals, guided by values, and they can support our goals, if we use them well. But they can't replace real goals.

Remember the importance of commitment. And I'll see you in the gym for a long time to come.

Sprinkling Wisdom

I got an envelop in the mail a couple of days ago. Its address was something like "Legendary Philosopher Extraordinaire Tom Morris" - and that, of course, got my attention. I tore it open and out fell a postcard picture of a new book, a write-up on the book, some other things, and a little jar of candy sprinkles in many colors. "What's this?" was followed by a big smile.

The package was from my old friend, the global customer service expert, Chip Bell. Chip was one of the first people to proclaim that what we need for what we do is not customer satisfaction but something much stronger - Customer Love. We need to create a product or service so great that our clients or customers become raving fans and walking ads for us, telling their friends and colleagues about us with enthusiasm. Chip himself walks the talk.

The new book, Sprinkles: Creating Awesome Experiences Through Innovative Service, is due out in February, but it's already available for pre-order on Amazon. It's apparently all about providing amazing experiences to people through thoughtful and creative service. And, knowing Chip, it will be full of great stories, insightful guidance, and real wisdom. 

I was sitting next to a well know architect on a plane ten years ago, and we must have talked for an hour. He told me that the luxury condo buildings he designs can't just be about beauty and convenience any more. They have to be about "Wow" experiences. From the moment you see the building, then at the moment you enter it, and throughout, he needs to craft opportunities for impressive aesthetic experiences. He has to sprinkle the wow factor all through his buildings. 

This was the first person to tell me that we're now in an experience economy, and that it's the engine that fuels our experience culture. People's buying decisions take into account all sorts of factors, but, he said, most important of all will be the consideration of experience. If we want great customers, we need to provide them with great experiences.

My friend Chip has been exploring this concept for a while now, and I bet his new book will be liberally sprinkled with new ideas and wisdom about how we can provide incredible experiences to the people we care about, in our work, and in our lives. Check it out.

I expect the new book, like the sprinkles that arrived in the mail, to put a big smile on my face. Sprinkles do tend to do that, wherever we see them.

Aristotle in the Kitchen

My wife visited the town of Napa with our granddaughter, to hang out with our son and his wife for a week. They had just toured the gardens of The French Laundry restaurant and were pulling out of their parking space when she suddenly noticed that someone in chef attire had appeared in the garden. "Look, one of the chefs!" She announced. And our son said, "That's not just one of the chefs. I think that's the man himself."

"Turn the car around!"

She jumped out and briskly approached the famous Thomas Keller, who was speaking to his culinary gardener. Her first words, as reported by our grand daughter, were, "You're like a god to me." He was gracious in response, and friendly in his reaction to the unexpected visit. They shook hands and all posed for a couple of photographs amid the vegetables.

Why is he so widely admired? Why has Keller's restaurant The French Laundry been such a mythical dining destination for so long? What's also responsible for the excellence also of his restaurant and bakery Bouchon, the equally estimable Ad Hoc, and his New York outpost, Per Se, as well as other venues around the country?

From the testimony of those who work closely with him, Thomas Keller lives the excellence he teaches, and in every way. He embodies the positive spirit that pervades his enterprises. His staff talk about his attention to detail, his work ethic, his mentoring, his nurture, and how he builds their confidence, not only about their work, but in everything they do. Their core values go with them in and out of the kitchen, throughout the entirety of their daily lives. When the chef hires people, he tells them that it's his goal to make them better than he is. And they say they love working with him. It's a community of excellence in the best way, and results in what the gardener called magic.

It's interesting for me, as a philosopher, to note that, in the kitchen of The French Laundry, prominently displayed, is Aristotle's statement:

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."

And that's the truth. Every leader makes excellence a habit. Any person who customarily creates something extraordinary does so, too. Habit, you see, is character, and as another philosopher, Heraclitus, once said, "Character is destiny."

A great short video, well worth watching, about Chef Keller and how this works, in the Napa Valley and beyond, can be found at http://youtu.be/0CElD6fkouQ.

Courage in 5 Tweets

I was looking through my little book Twisdom and came across a few old tweets on courage, a topic I've mentioned recently in responding to a blog post comment. These tweets struck me anew and generated some nice additional pondering, so I thought I'd share them today. 

1. The courageous souls around us are here to remind us what we’re here to be.

2. Only courage will crack the thick shell of possibility and yield us the treasures within.

3. Courage is willing to walk in darkness while shining a light for others to follow.

4. Courage is something we have deep down in us when we need it – if we’ll just reach for it and act!

5. Courage is the power of choice even in the face of fear.

 It was number two that really got me thinking. How much possibility is unrealized in the world and in our lives, because we're not bold or brave enough to crack the shell around it? In the coming year, let's be courageous in little things as well as in big things. We need it. And so does the world. And that leads me to number three.

Shine your light.

How To Handle Rejection

A book that's taken me eight years to finish, going through 24 versions, and six different titles,  has finally become, perhaps, my favorite nonfiction book I've ever had the joy and honor to conceive and write. And, so far, it's been rejected by potential publishers, in one version or another, 45 times.

My record before this was 36 rejections, for my first book, one that I wrote when I was twenty-one years old. The 37th editor who saw that manuscript said yes, and so I was a published author at age twenty-two, because I didn't give up. 

After that early stutter-start as an author, though, I've hardly ever tasted the disappointment of no. Instead, I came to enjoy a rare three-decade streak of unusual publishing success, producing twenty nonfiction books that launched me first into a great academic career, and then into a wild adventure as a public philosopher. 

The new book that no one wants to publish is all about the wisdom of the great practical philosophers on how to respond to change, and especially, how to deal with difficulty. And with it, I've suddenly experienced a very big change. I've never had such difficulty with any project. But the nice irony is that I've been able to use the advice of the book throughout the process of dealing with publishers, and I've learned how well all the wisdom of the ages works. I've attained a level of inner resilience and sustained confidence through it all to make Seneca or Marcus Aurelius proud.

Remember the old adage: When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Everyone says it, but no one says how to do it. The philosophers have great advice on this. So, the new book is called Plato's Lemonade Stand: Stirring Change into Something Great. Editors at the major publishers have said that it's elegantly written, and that it contains important ideas. They've praised my past work, my present "platform" and the impact my books have, both in this country and around the world. They just worry that the new book would not be "big enough" for them, which in publisher-speak apparently means that it would not grab enough media attention and sell enough copies for all of us to retire and buy Kardashian-style Bentleys.

Only two editors, after various nice comments, added a clear concern. 

One said, "It's a little too prescriptive."

The other said, "It's not prescriptive enough."

Here's what I do. I don't let a spate of difficulty or rejection derail me. And you shouldn't either. The gatekeepers of any industry or enterprise are typically most comfortable with what they already know. And they may not know you, or understand what you're doing with your new idea, product, or process. But that doesn't determine the value of what you're doing, or how you should do it.

Creativity sometimes has a long road to walk. Dust off your shoes and keep walking.

Have your ideas been rejected? Have you been shot down? Well, remember that the Beatles were rejected and told, early on, that guitar music was "on the way out." The Dixie Chicks were advised to give up. They'd never make it in music. J.K. Rowling was informed over and over that there would be no market for her books about a kid named Harry Potter. And just yesterday, I read a book about one of my favorite movies ever - The Princess Bride - and how every major studio turned it down for 13 years, until my old friend Norman Lear paid to have it filmed by his friend Rob Reiner, who persisted despite all the difficulties. And the movie barely sold tickets when it came out, a seeming rejection at the box office as well, before it went on to become a classic.

Just do like all these creative people did. Keep doing what you you think is best.

That's what I do.

The Only Real Secret

Impact. Excellence. Legendary greatness. Happiness. Contentment. Fulfillment. A wonderful life and legacy.

Whatever ideal states you seek, there are people who for a price will tell you the five or seven secrets, or, perhaps the one that will deliver all. And when you learn these secrets, or this one big thing, you quickly discover that they aren't secrets after all. Either they're true and widely known. Or they're false and better ignored.

The only real secret is this: Get out of your own way.

We all have inner blockages to the ideal states we aspire to achieve. There was a childhood wounding. There's seething anger. There's a lack of education. There's an inability to really connect with others in a loving and compassionate way. There's self imposed stress. There's anxiety that will not let go. Your self esteem isn't what it should be. You don't have the confidence you need. You have this drive to be important, or the center of attention, or loved by everyone.

Get out of your own way. Uproot the obstacle. Tame the wild animal. Then, the purpose and passion and energy and excellence can flow through you. You can't attain any ideal without being a conduit to something greater than yourself. This is the universal testimony of those recognized as greatest in pretty much every field of human endeavor.

In basketball, a bad free-throw shooter has to practice and practice and practice and practice, so that the power of habit will come to smooth out his rough edges, and set up new inner patterns to allow him to get out of his own way.

A salesperson who blows ever call has to tame the inner worry and get out of her own way so that her personality and product can shine. So does an entrepreneur. So does an author.

We think we need to develop and grow. And we do. But the secret is that done right, these things help us to get out of our own way, so that we can shine with an authenticity we could never just manufacture. Be a conduit. Be a door. Get out of your own way, and enjoy the amazing results.

Conditions for Accountability

"Accountability tends to exist more in relationships characterized by proximity (face2face), longevity, and density (mutual friends, etc)." A Tweet from Twisdom, by me, TomV.

I was looking through my little book Twisdom today and came across some tweets that resonate and provoke subsequent thought. This one is about personal accountability, and claims that it's enhance by three things.

1. Proximity: We feel more accountability to people when we live and work in their physical presence. That's why it's easy for so many people to interact badly online, at a distance from those they may be dismissing, or insulting.

2. Longevity: We tend to feel more accountable to people the longer we've known them and interacted with them. In a fragmented and fluid world, with people coming and going so much, it's hard for relationships to put down the roots needed for a deep sense of responsibility.

3. Density: More accountability exists between any two people when their relationship exists in a supportive matrix or network of other relationships. If I know your spouse, and your brother, and your kids, and some of your co-workers and neighbors, all those additional connections, all that added "density" of our relationship, enhances and encourages responsibility and accountability. When people know each other in a social vacuum, it's easier for them to act in inappropriate, unproductive, or improper ways.

Nerves and Performance

I was watching The Voice on NBC, and right before a commercial, there was a shot of one of the performers backstage and someone was messing with his microphone and his hair, and it made me remember all the many times I've been backstage, ready to step out in front of 2,000 or 3,000 or 5,000 or 10,000 people, and someone has been readjusting a microphone or straightening my jacket or otherwise tugging at me, and asking "Are you ready?" And I've said "Yeah, I'm ready" and I've thought, "I was born ready. I can't wait to do this." There may be flutters and an elevated heart rate backstage, but I'll only be getting ready to have a great time.

Years ago, when I felt my heart rate go up, I used to think "Uh, Oh. I'm getting nervous." Then, one day, it occurred to me to say to myself, "Good. I'm getting ready." There is an energy to being ready. Most interpret it as nerves. A few see it as preparation, readiness, the fuel of excellence. Good things can happen when we're ready. Sometimes, even great things.

So, the next time something big is about to happen, and everybody else is fluttering around and you feel your heart beat increase, smile within and say to yourself, "I'm getting ready. This is going to be great!" And, then, more likely, it will be.

Greatness - with Jay Forte

What does it take to be great? A new friend, Jay Forte, just interviewed me for a podcast on his website The Greatness Zone. I'm going to post a blog of his below on the topic, and let it direct any of you who might want to hear the interview to the place where you can. Here's Jay:

Who’s Your 'Go-To' To Learn How To Have A Great Life? - Jay Forte

With thousands of years of history, learning and wisdom available to us, who could you check with, what could you refer to or what wisdom could guide you to know how to live a great life? What does the wisdom of the philosophers have to say to you to help you live life like it matters – to live in your greatness zone?

I’ll be honest, I took philosophy in college because it was required – I didn’t have any burning interest in connect with what I felt to be outdated thinking from old dudes in togas. But as I got over my uninformed understanding of philosophy, I came face-to-face with profound guidance and wisdom in how to show up successfully and authentically to a constantly changing world. I now find I am a convert to incorporating wisdom from every generation to learn how to show up more successfully in the moments of life.

I thought I would share some of the profound wisdom that supports the message of The Greatness Zone and introduce you to the practical side of philosophy that has so much guidance for us in today’s wild world. Just maybe it will pique your interest to return to the wisdom of the philosophers as a go-to source for successful life wisdom.

“The archer must know what he’s trying to hit, then he must aim and control the weapon by his skill. Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is heading for, no wind is the right wind.” ~ Seneca

So many of us just show up to life without a plan. A meaningful plan can only happen when we become aware of who we are and what is going on in our world. We can then start to notice what areas in life are for us – which areas align to our best abilities and passions. Once clear, we can direct ourselves into areas that matter – we can move forward on a plan to achieve our goals. Without the clarity, we roam aimless and live most of our lives searching for success and happiness, out of our greatness zones.

“Anyone is free who lives as he wishes to live.” ~ Epictetus 

We live in a noisy, loud and pushy world. The only time we are truly living authentically and free as the philosophers say, is when we are choosing how to live. Learning to listen to our own voice instead of the voices that say buy this, be this, live here, drive this, study this, own this, etc requires awareness of what our own voice sounds like. We can only access our own voice when we learn to disconnect and unplug from our world – to create some quiet. In that quiet, we are able to look inside ourselves to determine what matters to us. All important information will come from the inside out. Have a plan to connect to that information to know what you want in life. Then you will be free because you are living life on your terms.

“Discover your talents. Develop those talents. Deploy your talents in the world for the good of others as well as yourself." ~ Tom Morris 

Tom, today’s profound practical philosopher, calls this "3D living" – discover, develop, deploy. Your talents are your gifts – your unique abilities that help you create your roadmap for a life that both suits you and one that brings your best to all you do. We are not great at everything; however we are amazing at some things. Discover, develop and deploy those things and you will find yourself in your greatness zone. This is the key living a successful, happy and impactful life.

There is wisdom everywhere – guidance to help you show up big to life, or as I say, to live in your greatness zone. Build on the wisdom of others – they advance your progress and help you find direction. They remind you to look within, not without, for guidance, direction and purpose. They remind you to both treasure yourself and to see the value in others. They have it all going on – and we could be a more significant society and world if we listened more to what has been shared. Find your favorite philosopher and build on that wisdom to live each day in your greatness zone.

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LISTEN – The PODCAST 

Episode 24 – How To Have A Great Life - Tom Morris, Practical Philosopher, Speaker, Educator and Mentor

In my powerful and inspiring conversation with today’s entertaining, wise and practical philosopher, Tom Morris, we talk about what greatness is and how the wisdom of the philosophers provides guidance how to have a great life today. Always passionate, lively, entertaining and wise, Tom has activated a love of philosophy in his classes as a professor at Notre Dame and shares the practical relevance of philosophy in running extraordinary organizations.

This conversation is loaded with powerful and practical wisdom including the 3D living approach, what Michelangelo and wood carvers teach us about focus, why “know yourself” is the key to finding your next adventure in life and how to access all the information you need to have a great life. There are too many Morris gems to list so make a commitment to bring a note pad, a great cup of coffee and listen to this one. You’ll play this one over and over. Brilliant.

Click here to listen to the podcast. Click here to download the podcast from iTunes. Click here to connect to Tom.

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Trust the Process

Every effort toward something important, every quest, every goal-centered pursuit, is a process. And one of the toughest challenges in life is to trust the process as it unfolds.

Good things rarely happen as quickly or as easily as we'd like. Time passes. The horizon recedes. We begin to wonder. Certainly fades into maybe. And our confidence lags, along with other emotions. We're tempted to jump ship, give up, and go on our way.

But this is so common a scenario that we ought to recognize it as such, and approach it differently. Delay is natural in the world. The timing we want is not often the timing we get. So patience is needed, but even more so, trust. We need trust. We need faith. 

There's an old adage (Ok, it's my old adage): Plan your work, and then work your plan. Every good plan needs an investment of trust, of commitment, of hope and realistic optimism.

Then, when the time has fully come, things happen. When the time is right, the process comes to culmination, to fruition, to completion. Would you want it sooner than when the time is right?

If you've chosen the process, if you picked it because you believed in this way of working, then one thing only remains. Trust the process.

Today.

"Working for the Mob was Great." A Reflection on Modern Business.

Here's my best recollection of a conversation the other day in Las Vegas. My conversation partner was an older man, a well spoken and intelligent individual with a natural ease and friendliness, who was taking me to the airport in a new black luxury SUV. He pointed to a building.

"That's where I used to work, over there, long ago, and for many years. It's the Venetian now, but it used to be The Sands and the Desert Inn. Back in the old days, you'd see all the great stars there - everybody who was anybody."

"What did you do there? What was your job?"

"I was a casino dealer for the first few years, and then walked the floor. Those were the days."

"Really?"

"Yeah. That was when the mobsters ran everything. They built Vegas. And they knew what they were doing. Working for the mob was great."

"Wait. What do you mean?"

"They treated you like family. They cared about everybody who worked there. I mean, you had to sign a one page paper when you got your job, and it had that picture of the monkeys on it - you know, the famous 'See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil' - and you had to sign it and promise your silence. But, they really took care of you. You got paid really well. And the boss, a well known underworld guy, he'd call you at home every week. I mean, every week. 'How ya doing, how's the family? You got your rent covered, or your payments? You got enough groceries in the house?' And if anybody got pregnant, or if your wife got pregnant, he'd phone and say 'Congratulations on the news. And, hey. Don't worry about it. It's all paid for. The doctor visits, the hospital, everything. No worries.' And then the corporations took over, and they didn't care about anybody. Cut the costs, do your job, get lost. In the old days, it was like a big family."

"So, you're saying that working for the mob was better than working for the modern corporations that have taken over?"

"Yes, sir, that's what I'm saying. They cared about you. They wanted you to be happy."

"They cared more about their people?"

"Totally. And they knew that happy people do better work."

"Well, that's true. But let me make sure I'm clear on this. You're sure that it was really better working for the mob than for a modern company?"

"Yeah. No question."

"Wow."

Corporate leaders and wise guys, take note.

The Tools of Success

There are certain universal tools for success in any task, job, or role we play in our lives. I've been speaking for 25 years on a framework of such tools that I long ago isolated and extracted from the world's wisdom literature, with a focus on the insights of the most practical philosophers who have contemplated the contours of our lives. I've also written often on what I call The 7 Cs of Success. And, in brief, they are:

The 7 Cs: For true success in any challenge or opportunity, we need:

1. A clear CONCEPTION of what we want, a vivid vision, a goal clearly imagined

2. A strong CONFIDENCE that we can attain the goal

3. A focused CONCENTRATION on what it takes to reach the goal

4. A stubborn CONSISTENCY in pursuing our vision

5. An emotional COMMITMENT to the importance of what we're doing

6. A good CHARACTER to guide us and keep us on a proper course

7. A CAPACITY TO ENJOY the process along the way

This simple framework of seven universal conditions was initially fairly difficult to identify and articulate, in all its proper details. I was looking for universality and logical connectedness. But understanding it is far easier than applying it effectively, which is really 90% of success.

Ideas and implementation are both important. But, ultimately, it's the implementation of ideas like these that makes all the difference. The tools of success, like any tools, have to be used in order to facilitate real world achievement, and they have to be used well. Plus, what results is just as much reliant on the materials of construction as on the tools used. 

Imagine yourself a carpenter. Your tools are the universal conditions for success. Your materials are your talents, skills, knowledge, and opportunities, as well as your relationships. What you create from those materials will demand a good use of appropriate tools. And that's up to you. 

Using the 7 Cs well involves understanding your situation, and also deeply understanding your self. We all have various strengths and limitations within us, obstacles and facilitators of some of these universal conditions. What holds you back? What drives you forward? Knowing yourself well positions use to use these tools well. That's why the philosophers have always encouraged self-knowledge, without which we end up without the particular structures we need for full and happy lives.

Greatness

Do you aspire to greatness? Or does that question just strike you as silly, or almost embarrassing? 

One of my favorite books in the late '80s was Attaining Personal Greatness, by Melanie Brown. It's actually one of my favorite success and personal growth books of all time, and I bet you haven't heard of it. That's too often the way things go. It's great (appropriately) but not well known. You can buy it on Amazon now for a penny. I quickly learned not to carry it around with the title showing, lest I elicit comments like "Oh. Have you attained it yet?" Or, "How's that going?" (with a raised eyebrows and a finger pointing toward the title).

Can you even imagine the concept broached in a speed dating situation: "What are your interests and plans?" - "Well, greatness. I'd like to attain personal greatness." - "Ok. NEXT!"

I did a podcast interview yesterday with a great guy who seems to be a real kindred spirit, Jay Forte, author of the book The Greatness Zone, and proprietor of the website named, appropriately, The Greatness Zone. He said that when he told his kids about the book, they advised him that he desperately needed a different title - that nobody is going to go around googling "greatness," or even binging it, or Yahooing, or whatever.

But I did. A quick google of the word 'greatness' reveals that it got used a lot in the year 1800, but that since then, it's been on a long downhill decline, which has only recently begun to reverse. The word 'awesome' by contrast had almost no usage in 1800, but experienced a marked increase of usage beginning after 1900, and spiking in the 1990s, until relatively recently, when it slowly began to become "not so great, or awesome, after all."

Our word 'great' has an interesting ancestry. In Old English, it was pronounced like "Greet." In Dutch, the root was 'groot.'  In German, 'gross' - but we'll pass over that one. In Old Saxon, it was 'grot', meaning, of course, something very different from 'rot'. These terms each tended to imply "big" or "tall" or "thick" or "stout." They were words of distinctive magnitude. In Middle English, there was a related verb, greaten, that meant "to grow, to increase, to become larger, or develop." And that's a key to the modern meaning.

Greatness is the result of a proper development, or appropriate growth, far beyond the norm. We speak of great musicians, great painters, great leaders, a great product, great service, and great art. The great is the wonderful and rare, the exceptional, the extraordinary that's far beyond the range of the ordinary. Now, there is certainly nothing wrong with what's ordinary, except when that word far too often comes to mean mediocre, subpar, poor, or even not really that good.

Nobody's born wanting to be a failure. Few people aspire to mediocrity. But is it Ok to shoot beyond good? Is it fine, or even commendable, or rather, obnoxiously elitist, and even narcissistic, to strive for greatness?

I happen to think that, in life and in the many roles we play within it, greatness is first and foremost a spiritual condition, an expansion of skill, ability, and performance that involves bringing something or someone to a special form of heightened completeness. It arises from innate gifts but develops through passion and persistence and a refusal to be stopped short of what's possible. Greatness is an achievement and pinnacle concept. And it's a realizable ideal.

Greatness isn't the same thing as perfection. Great men and women often have great flaws, or imperfections. But greatness requires the ability to learn from mistakes and challenges and failures along the way. And its measure is context relative. A great hotdog doesn't have to compete with a great painting in the realm of the aesthetic. Great work in college may be judged differently from great work in a professional context at the apex of an industry, or discipline. 

Perhaps, we can each aspire to our own personal form of greatness, at any given time, dependent on our talents, interests, values, and opportunities. Your proper greatness now, or in ten years, need not get you on the cover of Time Magazine, or invited to a sit-down with Oprah. But it will ennoble and elevate you and those around you, when it's done right. And it could even be what you're here for.

Just be careful how you talk about it, if you're first aspiring to it, or well on your way.

Impact First, Then Income

My motto for my work has always been simple: 

Impact First, Then Income.

My primary concern is a positive impact. My secondary concern is a positive cash flow. And that matters, because the prioritization I try to maintain will suggest certain activities and discourage others. As a philosopher, writer, and speaker, I want to make a difference for other people, as well as myself, and my family. I want to put giving over receiving, spreading over gathering. Of course, finances matter. They matter a lot. But other things matter even more. And it's those other things that should be our ultimate guides.

But, I can almost hear a question, which is even, perhaps, a skeptical hesitation: Is this sort of perspective simply a luxury for the few - to think first about making a difference and only second about making a dollar? My answer is: No, I truly don't think so. No matter where we are in life or what we're facing, it's important to focus first on the contribution we're making, on the good we're doing. That's ultimately the best way to get help, or a job, or a promotion, or the big payday that most of us would like to see. But it's also right for its own sake. We're here to give more than we get, and to leave the world a little better than we found it.

I'm convinced that coming at the equation from the other end is always a mistake. Those who think first about making money and only second about making a difference will eventually encounter trouble in some form. And they'll risk not becoming the best they're capable of being.

Even if you work focally with money in a field like financial services, it's important to see beyond the the market and the monthly report. We all work with people. And that should fundamentally guide us. What's the real human benefit of your work? Is it everything it could be? is it what it should be? Will a certain decision enhance my impact, or only my income? Those are the questions we all need to ask. Money without meaning is empty.

How am I using my talents, my abilities, and my opportunities? What difference am I making for other people? Could I do more? Could I do better? Those are the fundamental issues. And then matters of finance can helpfully be raised. Income is necessary for most of us, and profit is good, if it fits properly into our overall lives and values.

Don't let the tail wag the dog. Put first things first. Focus on what you can do to bless and benefit those around you, and you'll see good come back to you in surprising ways.. 

Excellence

Long ago and far away, wise people knew what we need to keep in mind.

I was cleaning up my office today and found a bunch of old 3x5 note cards from decades ago, dating from my time at Notre Dame. On one yellowed card was this, which I thought might be worth sharing:

"Badness you can get easily, in quantity - the road is smooth, and it lies close by. But in front of excellence the immortal gods have put sweat, and long and steep is the way to it, and rough at first. But when you come to the top, then it is easy, even though it is hard."

Hesiod. Around 700 BC.

The view from the top is amazing. But the air is so thin. And yet, the work of excellence is, at a point, easy as well as hard. It's just another of the wonderful paradoxes of life. You see as you climb.

Grace and Mercy

Grace is defined as unmerited favor. It involves giving others, and sometimes even lavishing on them, something they don't literally deserve or have a claim to receive. It means going beyond what could be expected, and acting from the boundless resource of love.

Mercy is typically defined as compassion, or forbearance. It involves not dishing out to others something negative or harshly judgmental that they might actually deserve. It involves a certain restraint, or a holding back, with a sense of another's intrinsic value, born only of love. Mercy finds a better way.

Grace and mercy. How often do we speak of such things? Really? And yet, they are surely among the most important things of all. Do we cultivate these amazing dispositions with our thoughts and actions, daily? Or do we merely admire them from afar and hope to be their beneficiaries, rather than dedicating ourselves to being their conduits into the world?

Go to a movie, turn on a TV, or sample what's happening online, in news comments, and social media, beyond your closest circle of friends. How much grace and mercy do you experience?

Too many of us are dipped into a toxic mix every day and then wonder why we don't shine.

Each of us is here, I believe, to be a blessing to others, and never a curse. How then do we manage that? By living with grace and mercy. Expose yourself to others who live this way. Read of these things. Think on them. Use your imagination well. Ask: "How can I be a vehicle for grace and mercy to others?" Avoid the poisonous brew spread abroad by those who are strangers to these concepts. And, in a famous twist on the golden rule, treat others as if they were what they ought to be, and you can help them become what they're capable of being.

That way, you'll be a blessing, and never a curse, to those around you, to our broader world, and perhaps, most important of all, to yourself.

So go live a little grace and mercy.

Today.

Patience and Waiting

Last time, we began to examine the view that patience is a virtue, by looking at the strengths of patience and the undesirable elements of impatience.

The patient person:

1. Subjectively has inner peace, confidence, and poise

2. Objectively has a calm demeanor and waits, when needed

The impatient person:

1. Subjectively has eagerness, anxiety, frustration, and even anger

2. Objectively has an action orientation, determination, persistence, but can also express frustration and anger

The subjective side of impatience is mostly negative. The objective side looks mostly positive, aside from the negative expression of unpleasant emotions. 

And yet, consider those positive qualities that an impatient person can possess, like a tendency to take action and persist. They can have unfortunate implications in certain situations.  An impatient person may act when waiting is better, and mess up everything in the process.  But then, a patient person may wait when acting is better, and miss an important opportunity in the process. So, what’s it best to be: patient or impatient? 

A virtue, by the way, is by definition a quality or habitual disposition that it’s always good to have. And haven’t we just seen that there are circumstances in which patience and impatience each are bad?

No, actually, not at all. Look again at our characterization of patience, subjectively and objectively. There are no circumstances in which those qualities would be bad to have. The patient person can wait when needed. The only negative sort of example we were able to give assumed waiting when it was both unneeded and counter-productive. The patient person can even share all the objectively positive qualities of the impatient go-getter: that action orientation, the persistence, determination, and even creativity in trying new things in pursuit of a goal. She just does all that with an inner calm that strengthens her and that the impatient person lacks.

Patience does look like a virtue. And impatience looks like a vice. Who needs all that negative emotion? But remember Aristotle's understanding of a virtue. Every virtue has two corresponding vices, a "too little" and a "too much." Connected to patience, the too little is obviously impatience. What's the too much? Clearly the tendency to wait even when waiting is not good, the tendency to simply quit and hope when beneficial action is still needed. We might jokingly say that such a person is "too patient," but that wouldn't literally be true, if patience is indeed a virtue and involves waiting only when it's needed.

So, in the end the only real puzzle is determining when it’s best to wait, and when it’s best to press ahead. And, as I mentioned last time, that requires discernment or wisdom. But more can be said as well. If you're in a situation where you're trying to make something happen, and it's not going as well or quickly as you wanted, you need to know whether to wait a bit longer or to act anew to push things along. You need to ask questions like these:

The Waiting Check List

1. Have I already done all I reasonably think I can do?

2. Is it even a little bit likely that further action would be counterproductive or alienating to others whose goodwill or assistance I might need?

3. Could my timetable itself be unreasonable, and based on insufficient considerations?

4. Am I possibly operating under any false assumptions about the need for things to happen now?

5. Could waiting patiently for a while allow me to do or develop other good things that impatient action would prevent?

If you get at least one "Yes" here, you have an indication that patient waiting might be good. The more affirmative answers, the more likely you should be patient and wait. For at least a while. But we always have to do cost/benefit analyses along the way. Waiting for a day or a week or a month can be desirable in situations where waiting a year or three years may not be, and could even be counterproductive. The more you know about your situation and what you're trying to make happen, the better you'll be able to do such analyses. But always ask yourself questions like these, above. And try to avoid the negative subjectives involved in the impatient mindset. A patient person can act with persistence, determination, and creativity, pushing and reminding, but without the detrimental emotions tied up with impatience. He or she just knows how to release and relax, and maintain the peaceful being that is behind masterful doing over the long run.

Patience, properly understood, can be an important virtue in an active life.

Patience

"Patience is a virtue." Almost Everyone's Mother.

Why is patience a virtue, or strength? Well, let's think about what an impatient person does. He or she feels an inner tension, a stress, perhaps even a form of anxiety. He's agitated. She's frustrated. And often filled with questions: When? Why is it taking so long? How can I speed this up? What do I have to do to get this pot to boil, this person to answer me, this opportunity to gel, or to get this problem fixed? What? How? Why? When?

Meanwhile, the patient person is at peace. She's going with the flow. He's content with the pace of things, while still perhaps ambitious, and he's quietly confident in the future.

And these characteristics of patience are all good and desirable things, right?

So why is it so hard to be patient, and so easy to be the opposite?

And there's also a deeper question in the neighborhood, isn't there?

Maybe what I characterized above as the opposite of patience is really just one version, a subjective, boiling pot of emotions that creates nothing but inner pressure and discontent. Isn't there another cluster of responses available for the person who isn't just fine to wait? I have in mind, action, persistence, determination, creativity, and more action. And aren't those all good things, as well?

So here's the real question. When is it best to take action, or more action, in pursuit of your desires or dreams, and when is it best to wait patiently? It's never best to just stew with frustration. We can all agree to that. But when is patient waiting perhaps just not the thing you need, but action instead to create the near term future that you want.

The easy answer from 40,000 feet is that there's no general answer at all, except that knowing when to be patient and when to act requires wisdom, or genuine discernment. And that answer, while true, gives us no help here on the ground, day to day. Is there a better answer available?

Tune in tomorrow.

Yeah, be patient.

Today.

Making Little Plans

I got an email in my box just the other day with the big title, appropriately all in bold:

Make No Little Plans. Think Big.

And it struck me immediately how commonplace such a piece of advice is, nowadays.  A culture of hype, superlatives, and grandiosity has gradually developed around those of us interested in personal growth, self-improvement, success, and spiritual development. And in this culture, it's sometimes amazing what people will actually say with a straight face, or an enthusiastic one.

I'm convinced that the real truth in life is exciting enough. We don't need to cavort in fields of hyperbole and exaggeration in order to get psyched and excited about our genuine prospects in this world. Not everything has to be the equivalent of a high wire act over the Grand Canyon, or between buildings in Chicago. You don't have to become a billionaire, or change the face of the world. Sure, some people launch rockets. And some rockets explode. And not everybody should aim for outer space, in the first place.

Sometimes, it's good to make small plans. And maybe, the best thing you can do, in some situations, is to think small. And I'm not talking nanotech here. Because, in many circumstances, little things can make a crucial difference. Often, it's just the difference that's needed - in a relationship, in an office, at home, or with a client. Yes, we do live in a world of grand gestures and huge plans, with plenty of seminars, books and videos to tell us how to be gigantic, and enormously admired. But aren't we often touched and impressed with the little kindness, the small gesture, the tiny act of grace and love that might convey something deep and wonderful? And who's to say that small and quiet lives in this world can't capture the greatest spiritual beauty to be experienced? If they're lived well.

And that's what it's all about in the end, isn't it? Quality, not quantity. Magic over magnitude, grace over grandiosity. But if it's right for you, aim as high as you can imagine, and make big plans. In the end, the right plans for you end up being the biggest and best, however big or small they might seem to someone else.

What I Learned at Yale

When I was a graduate student at Yale, I quickly came to realize that everyone around me was very busy pretending to know more than they actually knew. And once you realized how the pretense worked, you could see that they were investing a lot of energy in the deception. Intellectual posturing, or posing, in service to pretending, was one of the main activities on campus - at least, among my fellow graduate students at the time. No one would ever say, in class, "I'm not sure what you mean. Could you say more about that?" No brave soul would ask for a repetition or an elucidation or an explanation. Everyone made it seem as if he, or she, understood everything perfectly, on a first hearing, or even before. There was an enveloping fear of asking questions and thus revealing a weakness or gap in knowledge or understanding, which, of course, merely perpetuated every such weakness or gap there was.

And I came to realize, quickly, that one of the best things anyone concerned with excellence can do is to ask questions. It sometimes takes courage. It can be a heroic act of bravery in certain situations. But questions are breadcrumbs to truth and real understanding.

The most important thing I learned at Yale was to ask questions when everyone else was afraid to do so. And that's when I started to learn lots more.

So, ask. And ask again. Boldly, bravely ask, without a care as to what others think of you for asking, and thereby improve what you're able to think.

Today.