Integrity

Integrity. It's one of those words we all think we understand, and yet, when asked what it means, we might find ourselves stumbling out partial answers. It's about character and being ethical. It's about doing the right thing, or aligning yourself with the side of good. It involves telling the truth, and keeping promises, and being dependable. Right? 

Well. These are all implications of integrity. But what, actually, is it?

The word comes from the same etymological root as integer, meaning a whole number. And there's a big clue. Integrity is somehow about wholeness. It's about not compartmentalizing your decisions and actions, walling off some from the rest of who you are. It's about acting with the wholeness or entirety of your beliefs and values, in every choice. 

But wait. A thoroughly bad guy, an immensely corrupt character, a murderous terrorist could act in every choice with and from the wholeness or entirety of his insane beliefs and perverse values, but we wouldn't call him an individual with integrity, would we? No. Of course not. Because integrity isn't just about consistency. It's a moral concept. And there's our second clue.

A rascal, criminal, or deranged psycho can be consistent in his actions, throughout the range of his conduct. That is to say, his actions can be consistent with each other, and with the false beliefs and skewed values he holds. But to have integrity, you have to display wholeness in another sense. You need the wholeness of health. Integrity is about moral health. And that's about more than just mere consistency among your actions. Your choices and action have to also be consistent with objective standards of health that are independent of your own thoughts and feelings - that are, in a metaphysical sense "out there" in the world.

What are those standards? I suggested years ago in the book If Aristotle Ran General Motors that they're Truth, Beauty, Goodness, and Unity, understood properly. If your life, thought, and actions are all consistent, or at one, with Truth, Beauty, Goodness, and Unity, then you are a person of integrity. You have integrity. Or better, it has you. Because there's an important sense in which you don't really possess it until it owns you. You can be good in fits and starts - a mostly good character, a decent soul, overall, even a kind person most of the time, but if there is not a higher calling that you've said yes to, in a deep and abiding way, perhaps because you really don't see any reasonable alternative, then you aren't yet a person of integrity.

That's a high standard. But that's because it's what integrity is all about. Most people admire it from afar. Some actually live with it. Many are apparently blind to it, and just don't get what the big deal is about it. But I'm convinced that it's tied in deeply with not only what I call "true success," but also true happiness, contentment and fulfillment. It's also a part of what it takes to make your best possible mark on the world.

Are you living with it? many of us try to embody it in at least most aspects of our lives, at least most of the time. But it calls us to live it wholeheartedly, fully, and consistently across everything we do. It's a high calling, and a hard calling, but it's the one true path to the best life we can live. As such, it's well worth working hard to attain.

Patience

For most of my life, patience has been a monumentally aggravating virtue. I like to make things happen. I like to dream it, do it, and then move on to the next thing. I work hard at projects, and pursue them with determination, persistence, and as much creativity as I can muster. And then I like to see my efforts come together and work, producing the fruit of achievement. I bask in the warm glow of a job well done and go looking for the next one.

When I get excited about an idea or a project, I become a curator of great energy. It seems to come to me from all directions, get inside me, and demand to be used. I surf on it, run with it, and even fly because of it. Then, occasionally, things don't go as expected. Not right away, at least. And sometimes, not even considerably after the "right away" phase has long gone. What's this? The world is not responding to my bright idea and hard work? I'm being made to WAIT?

Patience has a very different energy signature from striving and working hard. For most of my life, I had no real conception of how to make them go together. I was always pushing, running down hallways, making call after call, with almost a frantic pace that finds youth to be such fertile soil. But as I've gotten older, I've come to a bit more of an understanding of patience.

The world is an infinitely complex buzzing web of intersecting interests, energies, and events. It's hard to fit a new idea, or invention, or discovery, into the speeding traffic of what's already on the highway. You sometimes have to sit on the on ramp and patiently wait until the time is right. Then you can safely merge into the stream of ongoing things that are whizzing by.

Impatience doesn't want to wait - ever. But waiting can be just as important an activity as doing. A great baseball player doesn't step up to the plate and let impatience goad him into swinging hard before the pitcher even throws the ball. That would be crazy. And if he even swings a moment too soon, he can miss the opportunity and the ball. Patience is all about acting when the time is right. It's about waiting until the proper moment arrives. It involves the ability to be at peace and give the world time to get ready for your great new idea or project. It's most of all an attitude. And it's powerful.

Impatience is all about ego and that spoiled child inside that wants its way now. Its companions are frustration, irritation, and anger. Patience is a form of inner peace. It's about wisdom. Its companions are serenity and assurance, a confidence that doesn't require immediacy. It isn't in a hurry. It understands that great things take time.

I always wanted to have a better understanding of patience. But I had to wait a long time to get it. It was worth the wait. And most things of value are.

A Plan With Urgency.

Leonard Bernstein once said:

To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.

That's really good. I like it. What you need is not (1) a plan, and (2) all the time in the world. What you need is a plan and not quite enough time. Why?

You need a sense of urgency about your plan and your ability to execute it. Plenty of time makes a sense of urgency hard to create. Not quite enough time gets you going and keeps you at it, while you glance at the calendar and check your watch.

That's the secret insight of procrastinators. They put things off until they have the magic of not quite enough time. Then they bear down with focus and intensity. Some wait until actual desperation sets is. They do whatever it takes to get the fire blazing high.

I'm not recommending procrastination - not yet, at least.

I'm agreeing with the famous director that a great plan and a time squeeze can be a magical combination. I sometimes give myself an artificial deadline for a project, and get all worked up about how in the world I'll get it done in that amount of time. I don't let myself think of the fact that I've just made up the deadline. I convince myself it's real and important. And it is important if it gets me going full force. And because I'm pretty good at convincing myself of things, I hit the accelerator and take off! I get stuff done.

And I'd love to say more, but: There's not quite enough time.

Tempus fugit!

Harmony: Part Two

Go buy all the individual parts of a Ferrari, thousands of them, down to the nuts and bolts, and the cans of paint needed for that glossy finish (which are you, red, black, or yellow - or maybe dark blue?), and then pile all those parts in your driveway. You won't as a result have a great car that you can take for a spin around the block. You'll just have a big pile of stuff. The parts have to be connected and then have to work together well for you to have a functioning classic high end sports car. They have to perform in harmony.

I wrote about harmony already this week, but felt that another post could be beneficial. Two Part Harmony seems apt, after all. In the previous post, I pointed out that a whole of any kind (a face, team, or as here, a car) can be greater or lesser than the sum of its parts, and that the secret sauce determining whether the parts are augmented or diminished in their assemblage is harmony.

Harmony is something we hope for, in our lives, our businesses, and our families. At work, we try to gather the best people we can, and then hope that they'll act harmoniously toward shared goals. But of course harmony should be sought from the start, and not just desired in the end.

Don't just hire for individual talent, or even greatness. Hire for diverse, dynamic fit. Hire for harmony. Some companies do it already. They have job candidates interviewed by the people they'd be working with. Everyone has an eye on the issue of harmony. How will we work together? Will we mesh?

Harmony is often used as a synonym for consistency. But it may go even deeper. Imagine two guitarists playing all the same notes in perfect rhythm. They're consistently matching each other, note-for-note. Now imagine them playing in harmony. When I was in grad school at Yale, I used to go down the road to a great guitar store every afternoon for an hour or two and play with an outstanding studio guitarist named Tommy. He had taught me Chet Atkins style finger picking. I'd play a song, bass and melody, and he'd play in harmony with what I was doing. The sound that resulted was amazing. What he was doing was far more than merely playing in a way that was consistent with what I was doing. It was enhancing the sounds immensely.

Think of the spices in a great dish. You want more than consistency. You want them to work together and mutually enhance each other harmoniously. That's what we want in life and in our work. Think about what that means right now in what you're doing. How can you introduce more real harmony into it? How can you play it to make it sing?

Harmony

Many years ago, when the movie "10" starring Bo Derek aimed to portray a woman who was so beautiful she was a "perfect 10" in all ways, a national news team decided to try an experiment. They searched fashion photos, movie star pictures, and many other sources to find "the perfect lips" and "the perfect nose" and "the perfect eyebrows," and so on, for chin, hair, ears, and cheeks. They said they would photo shop them together and present the truly perfect woman. The result was not at all what they had intended.

In sports you can do the same thing. Bring together the best basketball center, the best guards, the best forwards, and you won't necessarily have the best team. Thinking otherwise commits a classic philosophical error called "The Fallacy of Composition." Or in another phrase, the whole can be greater than the sum of its parts. Or lesser. 

Why? Harmony.

Harmony is an important ingredient in greatness of all kinds. Do you have it in your life? In your work? Among your actions? In your family? On your team? It's a key to beauty and excellence.

Passionate Pursuit

As I look back over the trajectory of my life, from the high perch of being on the verge of 63, I see that the times when I've had the most fun and gotten the most done were the times when I was the most passionate in pursuit of an idea, or project. My enthusiasm propelled me forward. It woke me up in the morning, and got me going. It gave me energy. It sustained me through the day. It opened the doors of possibility all around me that would otherwise have remained closed, and sometimes locked.

When I was a professor, and writing articles and books like a maniac who required no sleep, people would often ask me "Do you just work all the time?" My reply would most often be: "No, no. Not at all. My life is long periods of indolence punctuated by intense bursts of activity. I get so excited about what I'm working on that I can't help but get things done. Then I go take a nap."

But passion waxes and wanes through a life. You're not always surfing a high wave of energy. If you find yourself right now astride your board in calm water, just waiting for the next wave, and nothing's on the horizon, you can do something about it. You can yourself stir up the waters. It all starts within. Make your own waves. In life, unlike in the ocean, it's possible. It works. It's always better to feel the breeze in your face as you ride a big wave, as you go new places and do new things. It will kill the lull if you can feel the love. You can renew your inner passion.

We're here to make things happen. Pursue passionately what's right for you!

Today.

I'm an Optimist!

I’m an unusual philosopher in several respects. First, I have no beard, toga or tweed jacket. Second, I don't work at a college or university, where most of us are safely confined. But my focus today is on the fact that, even stranger, I’m an optimist.

Survey the history of philosophy and you won’t find many of us smiley faces in the mix.  Thomas Hobbes was no barrel of laughs with a rosy view of things. Schopenhauer was perhaps King of the Pessimists. Kierkegaard was often referred to as "the gloomy Dane." Sartre is famous for his characteristic statement that “Hell is other people.” Ouch. And, you know: Check the news. The world is full of problems - overflowing with difficulties. So, how do I manage to be an optimist, swimming against so strong a tide? Why, for that matter, should anyone with a mind at all be an optimist?

First, I should qualify my confession. I'm often a short term pessimist but always a mid-to-long term optimist. Short term, any crazy thing can happen. Given time, though, things will work out. That's my view. And because the long and mid term encompasses the short term, I'm - all things considered, in the end, and ultimately - an optimist. So I choose the metaphysical smile.

Here's the thing. The same problems exist around the world that always have. But the evil practices and stupid things going on now more widely condemned than ever before. And yet, they still exist. Enlightenment is a rough and curving road, with many back turns and hills, and detours along the way. And of course, as one especially insightful individual once said, “There will always be wars and rumors of war.”

Human aggression seems to be so deeply embedded in our nature that no reasonable person could ever expect it to disappear. Renowned physicist and Expert on Many Things Stephen Hawking recently said that aggression is the greatest threat to our continued existence that there is. As an optimist, do I then think it will just go away? No. But I believe it can be redirected.

Right now, as in all the rest of our history, human aggression is directed primarily toward people. And I don’t think we need to end it. But we need to redirect it toward problems rather than people. If we could get especially the young men around the world and their supporters to go after the problems we all face with the energy and aggression by which they fight and go to war, the world would be a better place pretty quickly.

We don’t need a world with no aggression. We need a world of aggressive problem solvers. And that’s a good thing. In a wise and prescient novel, The Thanatos Syndrome, the late Walker Percy envisioned a place where drugs were put into the water supply to reduce aggression and hostility. The unexpected side effect was that many other things were reduced as well, including creativity. It’s nice to dream of a world where no aggression at all exists. But a more reasonably expected one is where it’s redirected. Will it ever happen? Despite mountains of evidence to the contrary, I remain an optimist. The world is full of problems like this, but I'm convinced we're here to be problem solvers.

Find What Matters

Have you noticed that advertisements are becoming more philosophical? I've blogged the noble sentiments of a recent Cadillac ad. Now let me post the content of an ad for Spyder.com:

Find what matters and free yourself from the rest. That's invincibility.

Why invincibility? Because when you focus on what matters, you really can't be defeated. All failures either feed you or take you out of the game. You won't stay in it to lose. What matters most, of course, are the matters of creative love, or loving creativity, as I explored in the book If Aristotle Ran General Motors: The New Soul of Business, a book that was published in 1997, but that reflects what only now many leaders in the corporate world are beginning to realize. 

Focus matters. A focus on the right things matters more. Freeing yourself from the rest is the most liberating act, and ongoing habit, that you can develop. And it's a key to your highest potential - the only route to the only invincibility there is.

Plutarch, Me, and You

The ancient philosopher Plutarch was once asked why he hung out with so many leaders and philosophized with them so much. He said, basically, "I could spend my time digging a single well to bring water to one home, or I could help build an aqueduct to bring it to many. When I work with leaders, I'm able, with them, to convey insight to a great many others."

I love being a philosopher. I love philosophizing with anyone. I can enjoy sitting for hours in deep conversation with one person. But there are times when, philosophizing with a group of leaders, I really understand Plutarch's perspective.

Last week, my wife and I were in London for a meeting with Hewlett Packard's Board of Advisors for Europe, the Middle East, and Asia - CIOs and CTOs from major HP customers. These were individuals who as chief information or chief technology officers steer some of the biggest companies in the world toward what will be our amazing technological future. And I get to hang out with them, listen to the sic-fi realities of what's coming in five or ten years, or more, and then talk with them about the wisdom of the past three thousand years, the insights that we need to use to help get us to that future in all the best ways. I learn so much. It's astonishingly fun. And I'm able to share that clear water of ancient wisdom with a room full of leaders whose own aqueducts can bring it to cities and countries of people around the globe. It's a treat, and a great honor.

Sometimes we have to work hard to dig one needed well, a well that will bring cold clear water into our own lives, or into our family's life. And at other times we should focus on an aqueduct that can bring water to many - at work, in church, throughout our neighborhoods or communities, and in many other ways. Each service is important. But when you can magnify the good, spreading it out to many, there is a special Plutarchian joy that's good to feel.

So when you have a chance: Spread wisdom. Spread joy.

A New World Order

We live in a world order that seems to have come to us out of prehistory. It's in the air we breathe - along with a lot of other stuff that's been produced by it. It's the motivational structure behind what most people do, most of the time. It's a world order that's all about position, power, and possessions. It's been responsible for most of the achievements, discoveries, and inventions throughout human history. But it's a recipe for resentment, aggression, and conflict. It's a zero sum mindset - those who want more have to take from others, who end up with less.

An old friend from college, Ed Brenegar, recently visited for part of a day, on a pilgrimage to see several east coast friends before he moves soon from Asheville, NC to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We sat and talked for hours about philosophy, life, and the spirit. We reflected on this old world order of position, power, and possessions that's beginning to look spiritually threadbare and not merely problematic, but actually self destructive over the long run. And we ruminated on what would be a better alternative - a spiritual vision of creativity, contribution, and service where our aspirations are guided more by love and compassion than by lust and acquisition. We wondered together if we're in a time of transition from one to the other, or whether a better world order of care and concern is just a dream.

What motivates you? Is it just a desire for position, power, or possessions? Or is it something more, something deeper and more lasting? There is something better for us, something calling out to us that will not at all diminish our drive to create and improve, but will put it onto better foundations. There is, of course, nothing wrong with position, power, and possessions. They're all great things, if used well. But they should never be the sole motivating forces in our lives, or the metrics by which we measure value. There is, indeed, something more.

Self-Help! in India

A man named David wrote me a year ago, and then again recently. He’s an avid reader of self help books and lives in India. The books didn’t work they way he had hoped. I asked if I could blog this exchange without using his name. He said it would be fine to use it. So here it is. What would you say?

From: David. Sent: Thu, Mar 6, 2014 10:11 am Subject: Career Advice

Dear Sir, I just read your book True Success (7 Cs of Success) and I found it really helpful. I also watched some of your videos on you tube. I am David, I am from India, 40 years of age. As far as I remember I have never been too ambitious and I have not found my true passion yet. I have tried several jobs and since last 8-9 years I have been pretty stable in a Sales job.

Last year in March I lost my job, but I didn't loose hope and found another job, but at a second level below my last position. ( I was working as Regional Manager handling multiple branches in a bigger area, whereas the current position I got was as Branch head in the same industry handling only one branch).

I got this position in the month of June 2013 but within a month I resigned as I could not feel comfortable going back in the hierarchy and it was suffocating as I thought it would take another 2-3 years for me to get back to my same position which I was in my last job as Regional manager. Whereas, my friends/colleagues and my juniors were at a better position. Even though the salary was good I didn't think twice before resigning as I was very confident in getting another job at my level, but this proved to be wrong as since last 7-8 months I have tried everything but not landed any job. (It’s good that I had a saving so I can still take care of another 3-4 months).

My confidence is also getting low as days are just passing by. I would like some advice from you so that I can implement the same and get my career on track. Regards,

David

To: David Re: Career Advice From: tomvmorris Date: Thu, 6 Mar 2014 11:42:10 -0500

Hi David! I'm glad you read True Success and have enjoyed it. A nice follow-up might be The Art of Achievement, which examines arts or skilled behaviors connected with each of the 7 Cs - and especially in times of transition such as you find yourself in now. It sounds like you're ready for the next adventure. I hope these books can help.

Remember in True Success there was a section about goal setting, and a suggestion about making lists: What do I like about my life now? What do I not like about my life right now? Sometimes, that can start creative thought about what you want to preserve and what you want to change.

I understand the frustration you experienced when you were running a single branch rather than a region. We all experience temporary fluctuations in our trajectories in the world. There are ups and there are downs. You can be a successful individual whether you are having success right now in all the ways you want it, or not. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. You're sometimes running, sometimes walking, sometimes, stopped, bent over catching your breath or drinking water. Then you start up again.

When you lost the regional position and gained the local job, that didn't lower your value or worth. But I'm sure you felt a blow to your self esteem. It didn't seem fair, when others you knew continued to prosper, despite having no more merit than you. Almost everyone lives through this, and perhaps several times.

If you love the industry, I would take any job in it that allowed me to show excellence at that level, whatever it is. Excellence always rises, and you can't predict how quickly or slowly.

You are a young man. I say that as a 62 year old about to have a birthday. You have many great adventures ahead of you. Don't be afraid to start the next one in a small way. For a great soul, no job is small. You make it great. Then you expand your territory.

Difficulties easily erode our confidence. But the confidence that most matters always has to come from the fire inside you, the fire that uses obstacles as more fuel and grows from its experiences.

If that's the C that's the hardest for you right now, Confidence, then use the others to build it. That's the way the framework can function. The more you apply the other conditions, the more confidence will grow.

Don't be discouraged! Everyone has hard times. Those are the times that grow up and strengthen us!

I would network with others, apply for anything that would have looked interesting to the younger you, and prepare to expand the job to reflect who you truly are!

Let me know if I can help in any way. Tom Morris

From: David RE: Career Advice Date: Fri, 7 Mar 2014 22:55:00 +0530

Dear Sir, Thanks for the valuable advice. I would definitely implement your suggestions. All the best for your future goals and aspirations. Regards,

David

A YEAR PASSES

From: David Sent: Wed, Mar 11, 2015 8:34 am Subject: RE: Career Advice

Sir, I hope you remember the last conversation we had last year. Well I did take up a job after that, it was an educational institute. As my job is in sales I have to achieve the targets. After working there for 6 months due to non performance I had to quit again. Last month I got a job in the same industry but in another city. I worked for almost a month but nothing felt right from the day one. The bosses were rude and on top of it I was torn between family and job. I had not shifted my family to the new location. It was difficult and in the end I quit without even taking my salary.

You must be wondering why I am sharing this with you, sometimes a third person can be a good judge.

Sometimes I think may be because of reading of all these self-help books, where they tell you to go and achieve the stars, amass more wealth.

I started my career in accounts but then after reading such books I thought I was playing safe and may be I need to do something great. I switched my career to sales thinking that I would move the career ladder faster. As you know sales is a roller coaster ride. It’s a tough job and now after almost 15 years it is very difficult to change the careers from sales to some other department.

Now I have started to feel like a failure. My brother who is younger to me works in accounts. His organization has sent him to USA. He would be earning in dollars and that too at a steady job. The frustration is mounting. Will appreciate some good advice from you. Thanks in advance.

David from India

What would you suggest?

To David Wed, Mar 11, 2015

David: Could you tell me which self help books you've read? TM

From: David

Sir, Unlimited power, Awaken the giant within you, Think and grow rich, some books by norman vincent peale, psycho cybernetics, seven habits and more. Mostly books on achieving success and wealth. I think the more u run after success, success deludes you. I have tried affirmations, creative visualization, nlp. I have also tried listening to paul mckenna, and morry method, subliminal messaging, but it didn't help. I know some of my friends they don't know anything of this stuff but still they are successful. Well may be it would not be proper to blame self help books, but take responsibility and move forward.

May be I need to change my attitude towards work. I think inspite of reading all this positive stuff I have become negative. Like for instance in my last job I had argument with one of my boss on the second day. I started thinking anytime in future they will fire me. One more mistake and I will be out of job. At the same time staying in a new city, away from my family and spending on rent and food, and top of it having a hyper boss, the stress was unbearable and I just decided to quit and come back.

Now that I have come back I think, have I made a mistake, in this tough market I did get a job, should I be more tough mentally, should I have more patience, should I have the mentality of not quitting at any cost. Well I think this is the time for some introspection and action, so that I do not fall in this trap again.

Thanks for the time and yes your blog is really wonderful.

One more question what do you think of Ayn Rands philosophy. Few years back I was very much motivated by her books fountain head and atlas shrugged. Thanks and regards. David

To David Date: Wed, 11 Mar 2015 09:21:50 -0400

Hi David. This is a temporary learning period you're going through. Many good people go through such a period, and come out of it with lots more wisdom about themselves and life.

The self help books too often don't recognize that people have very different talents, and that the contours of success can be as different for them as their talents. Not everyone can be a CEO. What would the world do with 6 billion CEOs and no one else? Not everyone SHOULD be a CEO. Not everyone can be a painter, or a journalist, or an accounts manager. When the self help books tell you to AIM HIGH, they usually assume that it means lots of money, or an exalted corporate status, or outsized power. But why should everyone aspire to that? It makes no sense. Some of us have talents that are of tremendous value to those around us, but our culture doesn't reward those talents with big money. So what?

The best advice is to know yourself. Find what you enjoy. Discover how you can use your time and talents to benefit others, in however large or small a way. Then do that. The proper rewards will follow. And many of those rewards will involve your own self esteem, fulfillment and happiness. Why should success mean the same results for everyone who has it? Why should you have to be miserable to work toward someone else's view of success?

You have tried an experiment. And like most experiments, there is a sense in which it didn't work. But in a deeper sense it did work. It told you what not to do. It reminded you of the importance of family. It showed you what doesn't feel right.

I've written extensively about seven universal conditions for success. They can act as a checklist for a possible goal or job. Then, once you've picked the goal or job, they can support your work toward it.

When I tell people to aim high, I mean for them to seek to be the best that THEY can be, with THEIR talents and interests. A janitor at The University of Notre Dame was the noblest man on campus, in my view. He thought of his job not just as cleaning a building but as creating conditions for excellence. He was a custodian of souls. His friendly and positive energy lifted up everyone around him. Most of the people in the building had PhDs, but they went to him to talk about difficulties and hurts and challenges. He was in the right job to make his proper difference. It's too bad he wasn't paid a lot of money for it. But if he had been, he would have given it away to poorer people. Why is money the measure? It isn't. It never has been. It just sells self help books.

Use what you've learned on these recent adventures to launch out in one that's better for YOU. That's self help. Use your wisdom for your good and the good of those you care about.

You can start almost anywhere. As you've learned, some adventures are short. Some are longer. Each one can teach us. You're learning a lot.

We should never judge jobs by external standards. Jobs don't make people important. People make jobs important.

You have greatly important work ahead of you. Let me know how it goes.

Believe in yourself. Your ability to articulate your journey makes me sure that the future can be very good for you.

Good Wishes! Tom Morris

Relationships and Transactions

There are two very different ways to live in the world. And these ways of living generate mindsets, habits of thought, action, feeling, and attitude. Each, in a sense, creates a world of its own. You live in either:

1. A Transaction World

or

2. A Relationship World.

A transaction world is all about buying and selling and trading. It's like a game where pieces are moved around on a board. A relationship world, by contrast, is all about developing bonds between people. It's about exploring, discovering, and creating new realities and experiences together. 

The transaction mentality views life as being about events and things that bring money, power, status, fame, and stuff your way, to whatever large or small an extent.

The relationship mentality views life as being about people and our connections with them. 

In a transaction world, people are either hindrances or helps. They're to be used or avoided. They're always managed and never really honored. In a relationship world, people are intrinsically valuable and are co-creators of value. They're respected and honored, encouraged and developed, cheered on, and praised whenever possible.

In a transaction world, it's things that are loved. In a relationship world, it's people.

The biggest mistake ever made about business is to think of it as all about transactions. It's always really about relationships. And here's the most important truth: Relationships rule the world. The transactions we engage in will never sustain us and deeply satisfy us unless they cultivate the relationships we really need.

If you live in a transaction world, you need to make a change. Consider cultivating a transition into the other world that awaits you. Life is supposed to be about people.

Leaders: Cultivate Your People!

I had lunch with a younger friend today. He runs an office for a major insurance company. In his first year, out of 800 agents in the state, he went from being unranked to being 29th to 52nd to 7th and then all the way up to Number 3, at the top of the mountain. He was a hero. He was made to feel important, celebrated, and held up to others as an example. Then he felt a calling to write a book and speak to groups of people, to share the wisdom about life that he had been learning. So, while continuing to work hard at insurance, he also had to devote time to the writing and speaking. A great book resulted. And his speaking is taking off. Meanwhile, though, his statewide ranking fell to 84th.

The insurance executives over him in the corporate ranks made it clear that they were not pleased. "You're a top 20 guy, not a top 80 guy." He then continued to operate in the top ten percent, even when also busy writing and speaking. But that was now considered a failure - for him. He got chiding and angry phone calls, and unpleasant, pressure filled visits. He was pressed heavily to forget the writing and speaking, and just do his job and produce his numbers, back in the stratosphere of achievement where he was clearly able to function.

One day, an executive visited his office while he was out with a client, and sat at his desk. A coworker thought it was his manager and came into the room saying his name. The executive corrected him and said he was just visiting, but while in the room, thought he might write a book. And this was apparently said with great sarcasm.

This says a lot to me about monumentally stupid business practices. When you have a superbly talented person running an office, and he discovers a side of himself that he wants to develop, then a great leader should encourage that development, while counseling the individual on how he might integrate it into his ongoing business life. But too many corporate executives shoot for predictability rather than true greatness among their people. Great people do great business. Whole people who feel appreciated, respected, and nurtured can work with a loyalty and edge that no one else can duplicate.

My friend should have been encouraged and supported in what he was doing. He should have been applauded even if his new interest were music or sculpture, or long distance running. But it was writing and speaking on topics that can help other people to be great - including people in his own company. So it's not like this development is in any way irrelevant to his business and the corporation, nationally - in fact, quite the opposite. His bosses could have cultivated a talent that would be able to benefit them all in numerous ways, but chose to deal with him instead with harshness, pressure, criticism, and even sarcasm. Do they really think this is the best way to get him to take his work with them to the next level? I was astonished to hear about it. It was, to me, inconceivable to me that people in executive positions could be so dumb. My exceptional friend told me all this with a calm and accepting demeanor, but intimated that he couldn't see continuing on under such conditions, over the long term. Who could?

Too many leaders are really idiots about talent. They view everything with tunnel vision. They want, in my friend's words, "just racehorses who will continue to improve their times." Their vision for what they're doing is far too narrow, and their treatment of others is self defeating.

So, please let me make an appeal to those who are in leadership positions. We want whole people, flourishing people to work with us, not just one-dimensional obsessives. Granted, a few one-dimentional obsessives can be quite productive. But you should never try to fill your organization full of them. 

Whole people can chart new territory, and do new things, and bring us a sort of greatness we never could have predicted, but only if we encourage and support them. If my friend had been encouraged and supported, I have no doubt that, after this initially demanding period of launching his new activities, he could have been back to his top spot in the state, or higher, and with a belief in the company that would have been contagious. He could have told their story with gusto, far and wide. They could have become a "Most Admired Place" to work. 

The executives in question lost a rare and precious opportunity to make something spectacular happen, for their mutual good.

Your Success

True Success is made of a distinctive fabric that will stretch or contract to your proper contours. It's essentially measured and made for you and by you. That's part of what makes the success of other people something you can often admire, but that you should never seek to copy in every respect. Your proper success will be contoured just for you.

The most universal advice on attaining your best will always honor this truth if it's based in real wisdom, and not grandiose hype. Let's face it. We live in a culture that celebrates grandiosity. But we can say of many grandiose people something very similar to what Kierkegaard once said of Hegel: They create majestic and ornate mansions that no one could live in happily. Too many of us are driven by an assumption that bigger is always better, and in every domain of life. 

I've been writing about Steve Jobs recently, composing a new book on the deep philosophy behind his outsized success. And the more you learn about Jobs, the more you feel that, while you are indeed in the presence of a variety of greatness, you're also in the presence of extreme and driven obsession. And you don't have to be obsessed to be successful. You don't even have to be totally unbalanced and one dimensional to be extraordinarily successful. But the highest peaks of world changing accomplishment are usually reached only by those who are indeed obsessed, nearly possessed unbalanced, and driven by things in their lives that will not give them either rest or peace. We often benefit from the great work of such people. But the rest of us don't have to aspire to be like them in order to reach our own proper forms of tremendous success that are contoured just right for us.

It's a nice reminder. When you seek to put on a garment of success that's cut wrong for you, it never fits well or feels good. Only your proper success, in whatever size and style is right for your talents, personality, commitments, and nature, will fulfill you deeply and feel great.

In case you want to ponder more on this topic, consult my books True Success, or The Art of Achievement. Then, to get the practical equivalent of a PhD on the topic, with massive insights from the great thinkers, east and west, go look at the new ebook, The 7 Cs of Success. And let me know what you think!

Your Heart Knows

Whatever you feel in your heart to do, try it, regardless of the outcome. Life is mostly about process, not results. The results may or may not come. That's not up to you. The process is. Entirely. And how much in life is? Trying is entirely, 100%, up to us.

Today, I heard some guy being interviewed on NPR. I listened for 20 minutes and never found out who was being interviewed. But one point he made is worth repeating. He tried what he loved, and with no expectation of success. He poured himself into it. He said that no one in his family had ever caught a break. They were poor and caught in low end jobs. No one had ever succeeded, financially, or in most other ways. But he couldn't help trying to do what his heart told him to do. And he succeeded, wildly. We can rise above our backgrounds. We can. We often do. And our parents, and grand parents, and their ancestors would most likely applaud us, if we're doing it right. But, ultimately, it's all about heart. Do you feel it in your heart? Do you feel like you have to do it? Then do it, regardless.

One of my old childhood friends is a song writer. Some people say he's the best song writer in the history of country music. He moved to Nashville at about age 20. He wrote songs like "The Gambler" and "Forever and Ever, Amen." Years later, I asked him what the competition was like when he got to Nashville. He said that, at the time, he didn't know, but that now, he realizes that about 3,000 song writers live there at any given point. I asked him how many make a living doing it. He said, less than 200. I then asked whether he knew the odds against him when he moved there. He said, "No. But it didn't matter. I had to do what I was doing. It was in my heart. I had no backup plan."

One of the greatest gifts of life is to do what you have to do, whether you think you'll be successful or not. Living who you are - that's the key. Responding to what's in your heart. And that's the secret to a great life.

In the photo today you see my old friend Don Schlitz with Mary Chapin Carpenter, doing what's in their hearts.

Sometimes, Play

I was in Maui. I had spoken three times during the week to a very large audience of international corporation presidents and their families. It was a lively group. In one of my talks, I had mentioned years before playing in bands. I can't remember how that came up, but somehow I used the reference to make a point, to illustrate some idea I was presenting. But I quickly forgot about even having made the reference, until the end of the week, when on the last night, a great band was playing on a big stage outdoors near the beach and under the star filled Hawaiian sky.

The organizer of the group, a company president from South Africa, I think, saw me somewhere toward the back of the crowd and yelled out, "Hey, Mate! You've GOT to play with the band!" I laughed and told him it had been too many years since I had done anything like that, and I wouldn't be any good anymore. But he continued to insist and took my arm and guided me toward the side of the stage. I could have gotten out of it, I'm sure, but from the look on his face, it just meant too much to him. So I put aside my rational doubts and any semblance of a reasonable concern to retain an intact professional image, and climbed the stairs, and at the top, someone handed me a guitar, and before I even realized what was happening, I was with the band, in the center of the stage, taking a lead break in whatever song they were doing. And everybody just went nuts. Some even rushed the stage, as you can see from the old photo above. When I finished the song and got down off the stage, the instigating global business leader gave me an enthusiastic high-five and shouted to me, "Now I believe everything you've said this week!"

My work as a philosopher was confirmed. Who knew? And I had a memory. And, yeah, it was fun. I'm glad I did it. You know what they say about risk and reward. Sometimes, you have to just lay aside your excuses and get up on the stage and play. Whatever that metaphorically means for you in your life and work, you just have to do it. You'll be glad. And maybe someone will see you do it, and appreciate you, or your normal work, in a new way.

Sometimes, play.

Greed

What would the world be like without greed - Greed for power, money, status, fame, stuff, experience, or love? A reader recently posed this question. So let's reflect on it. Greed is a potent source of action. It powers ambition and achievement. It moves people to take a risk and persist. It can even elicit creativity. It gets people up in the morning, and keeps them working hard through the day, and even into the night. In the hit movie Wall Street, the star character Gordon Gekko famously proclaimed, "Greed is good." 

But is he right? A philosopher like me would say that greed is not only unnecessary, it's unhealthy and toxic. It's not good at all.

Desire is a good thing, when attached to good purposes. Greed is an excess of desire. Aristotle had an interesting analysis of virtue as the mid point between two vices, or extremes. Courage, for example, is the mid point between the extreme of too little, called cowardice or timidity, and the excess of too much, known as rashness, or temerity. Likewise, perhaps, a healthy form or degree of desire is a mid point between the too-little of apathy, and the too-much of greed. Desire is necessary for ambition and achievement. Greed isn't. In fact, greed enslaves and corrupts people. And this has been recognized by the wisest thinkers, east and west. It's the maximal extent of what eastern philosophers call "attachment." It's bad for the soul. And it isn't for even a minute good for business.

Greed is about getting what you want, not about making the world a better place. It doesn't actually support the full range of creativity or curiosity you might at first think it would, but just focuses on getting the most it can the quickest way possible. It's willing to do great damage to others to get its own way. And it's sometimes surprised by the consequences.

The greedy tend to go too far, burn bridges, alienate others, and violate all known ethical codes. They become captivated by things they don't need. They get obsessed by things and habits that will distort their lives. They lose all balance and discernment. They bull their way into situations that will ultimately make them unhappy. They corrupt their own souls.

I was asked this question just a few days ago by a reader of this blog: What would the world be without greed? My answer is simple. It would be a much better place. And, Yo, thanks for asking.

And readers: Feel free to make other suggestions. I desire them, but promise you I'm not greedy. I'll share.

Using the Power of the Mind

How do you use the power of your mind? In the weight room, my workout partner prepares himself for a really heavy bench press lift by vividly imagining a guy in college who tried to steal his girlfriend. And by visualizing this nemesis, he mentally takes himself back in time and gets really mad. He feels the anger. And he says it fuels his strength and his subsequent accomplishment with the lift.

It's amazing to me that he can still get so worked up about something that happened thirty years ago. But he can. And he uses it well. But I can't do that. I take a really different approach.

When I lie down on the bench with three hundred pounds or more looming over me, I go to a happy place. I imagine a beautiful day at the beach near my home. The sand is soft, and just the right hue of very light beige, the sky is an amazing blue, with a few little puffy white clouds floating by, over to the east and the water is a stunning aquamarine, with great waves tossing off sparkling whitecaps.

My workout partner likes to call this my "Puppies, Butterflies, and Rainbows Approach." But it works. It Zens me out and lifts me up. It's exactly what I need. I don't try to talk my friend out of his college rage re-creation, despite my worries about his blood pressure. And he doesn't try to get me away from those cute little puppies on the beach. We use different approaches, but to the same end - to get our minds into a place where we can draw more deeply on the resources we have, in order to face the challenge that confronts us.

What do you do? Should you do more? Those puppies could use some attention.

Focus!

One of the greatest keys to success in modern business is focus. Let's think about it for a bit.

First, notice that the word is primarily a verb. Focus. Even the noun form is an action word. Focus is something you have precisely when it’s something you do.  And I think there are three basic imperatives involved with attaining and keeping great focus.

1. Ignore Distractions. Ask What Matters.

There’s an old saying that the two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. That could be true. And if there’s a third, it just may be distraction.

We’re always surrounded by distractions – news, gossip, emails, texts, phone messages, the never ending streams of social media, the various forms of old fashioned media, and people stopping by to shoot the breeze or tell us about their problems. The buzz of distraction is incessant. And it’s all around us. We have to learn to block it out and ignore it.

We need to question things. What’s relevant to our concerns, and what’s off target, even if just slightly? What can advance us along our path, and what would just detain us and hold us back? We can draw this crucial distinction only if we have clear targets, clear goals around which to structure our focus, and guidelines for properly getting there. Those organizing aims, ideas, and principles then become the test for anything that enters our consciousness: Will this thing or idea or opportunity or conversation help us properly to attain our goals, or not? Is it useful, or not? Will it keep us on the road, or detour us off course?

2. Select. Eliminate.

Apple founder and CEO Steve Jobs would often say, “Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do.” He would then usually explain that, “Good things have to be set aside so that we can do really, really great things.” 

To select is to eliminate. We all have limited time and energy. Choice allows us to cut through the thicket of what’s possible and carve out a path we can follow. The famously groundbreaking modern painter Piet Mondrian claimed that the most difficult brush stroke in any painting is the very first one. Prior to that, the blank canvas presents to the artist infinitely many possibilities. The first stroke begins a process of elimination. To choose is to exclude. When we do this, we can’t also do that. 

Without elimination, there is no selection. You may think you’ve made a new choice, and set a new goal, but if that hasn’t resulted in the exclusion of other contrary behaviors, you really don’t have a new goal at all. “No” is just as important than “Yes,” and must be much more frequent. 

3. Use the Perspective of Purpose.

How then can you be properly selective? You can use the perspective of purpose. 

I’ve suggested that clear goals help us to identify and eliminate distractions that would get in the way of our progress. But how do we set the right goals in the first place? By having a solid sense of purpose and mission for what we’re doing. Why do we exist as a company or department or institution? What’s our purpose? Why am I doing what I'm doing? Those should be questions that everyone can ask and answer, in their own context. A strong sense of purpose brings with it both a motivation to focus and a power to do so well. 

Aristotle understood long ago that we humans are essentially purposeful beings. When we have a purpose we can believe in, then it will by nature guide our behavior in a way that external forces can never threaten or replicate. Buying in to a purpose is just setting your heart and mind in a particular direction, and on a specific road, and one that inherently involves the strength of focus. 

I think we can say even more. Focus is destiny. What we focus on determines what we become and accomplish. Vagueness is the enemy of excellence. Focus is its engine.

Meditation in Good Company

Ok. I know. I've written about meditation twice recently. But those blogs were spurred by reading the really good Dan Harris book, 10% Happier. I couldn't help myself. Blame Dan. But today's rumination comes from a Sunday New York Times Article this week on how the CEO of Aetna insurance has introduced Yoga and meditation to his employees and customers. The results are wild.

Mark Bertolini had a near fatal skiing accident, and in his long battle to recover discovered both yoga and meditation. The practices had a profound impact on him. And so, when he became CEO, he had the idea of introducing them to the entire company, as something he would recommend and encourage, but not require.

To convince the company's head physician to go along with this, he offered to ask employees who wanted to volunteer for a little research to join one of three groups: the yoga group, the meditation group, and a control group. In a very short time, the yoga and meditation people were reporting lower stress and showing it in their heart functions and cortisol levels. The company spread the gospel, and more people signed up for these stretching and breathing exercises. The overall health of the organization improved right away, and was manifested in a big drop in medical costs. People felt better and reported greater focus and productivity. Aetna's stock has also tripled during this time, by the way. Check out the detailed stats in the Times piece. "It's magical," Bertolini reported. What's not to love?

Of course, there are critics. The author of a recent Harvard Business Review article, David Brendel, argues that we shouldn't over use techniques like meditation in the workplace to reduce stress because stress can be useful to prompt critical thinking, and so isn't just something to avoid. And to an extent, I agree. But my view would be that a little stress can go a long way. If practices like yoga, meditation, jogging, or weight lifting can take the edge off the stress, the anxiety, and the wholly unnecessary blight of worry in people's lives, something is gained and nothing worthwhile is lost.

A little stress is fine. Stress is where opportunity and challenge meet. It's the baseline experience of pressure. And that's not always a bad thing. But too much is counterproductive. And too much is the exact dose that stress usually comes in. Any practice that can reduce it down to healthy levels, while refreshing the spirit and sharpening personal focus is to be commended.

Of course, mediation is not meant to replace rational thought. They have to be used in tandem. As Brendel says: 

Mindful meditation should always be used in the service of enhancing, not displacing, people’s rational and analytical thought processes about their careers and personal lives.

So, to prepare yourself for whatever rational and analytical thought you might need, in any new challenge, you might first find yourself a comfortable spot and do like innovative CEOs often do. Breathe. And chill. If only for a few minutes. And let me know how it goes. Om interested.