Philosophy as Necessary

What can help provide the stepping stones to the future we most want and deserve?

You can likely guess my answer: philosophy.

In a fascinating essay in Sunday's New York Times Book Review, where he ruminates on the nature of our culture right now, which can look very non philosophical, Leon Wieseltier nevertheless wrote:

Wherever mortal beings are thoughtful about their mortality, and finite beings ponder their finitude, at whatever level of intellectual articulation, there is philosophy. Philosophy is ubiquitous and inalienable; even the discourse about the end of philosophy is philosophy.

And while Wieseltier is correct in what he says, as far as he goes, it's not just when we're contemplating our mortality or finitude that we're engaging in philosophy. As he hints later in his essay, whenever we're trying to figure out real matters of worth, we're doing philosophy.

In our work lives, we're always thinking about the setting and attaining of goals. We do that in our personal lives, too, if we have any measure of ambition concerning personal growth and change. But whenever we think of goals and the means to them, the question will always arise, at least implicitly, as to what goals are worth our pursuit and what means or methods are worth our time and energy. And those questions can't fully be answered without a sense of what sort of life is worth living. And that's the core of philosophy, in it's most practical and existential mode.

What's worthy of us? What's a waste? Who do I want to be? What am I becoming, as a result of what I'm doing? Does a certain activity lift me up, or lower me down? These are serious questions, but asking them and guiding our lives by them doesn't require that we be serious in the sense of somber. We can have fun in all the best ways. We can play and frolic, mentally and physically. We can enjoy immensely what the world has to offer, while still guiding our steps with wisdom and what the ancients called virtue, their own concept for personal strength, or power. 

Philosophy may be one of the most under-appreciated necessities in life. But that doesn't keep it from being necessary. The more we come to appreciate it, the better we can do it, and the more our lives benefit, as a result. Let it help provide you with the stepping stones to the future you most want and deserve.

The Most Important Thing I've Learned

Perhaps the single most important thing I've learned as a philosopher is, that life is supposed to be a series of adventures, lived with love, confidence, and a real concern for others, as well as for ourselves. The adventure we're on right now, whatever it might be, and however great or challenging it seems, is preparing us for the next one, and often in ways we can't even imagine.

The uncertainty of the future is just the open field of possibility for adventure and creativity that we all need, moving forward, even though it can feel uncomfortable and even, at times, scary.

The key to successful living is to be open to new ideas and new paths along the way. The world is an endless kaleidoscope of opportunities, many of which may be so hidden as to require your investigative discovery, as well as openness.

Your ongoing job that's connected with this is what I call 3-D Living:

Discover your talents,

Develop those talents, and

Deploy them into the world for the good of others, as well as yourself.

3-D Living is a process that, ideally, never ends.

The most important moment in your life is the Right Now that allows for the Soon Next. And even though that sounds a little bit like a prolix fortune cookie, it's true, whether Confucius said it or not. Life is a dynamic process. We're to carry with us a dynamic orientation, leaning forward with the adventure we're now on, embracing the present, and preparing for the future.

Questions

Questions bring us new truths, new perspectives, and sometimes new possibilities.

Is there a question you should be asking now that you're not yet posing? That was, actually, mine. But I hope it soon leads to others.

Questions begin to unwrap the presents that life has for us - the great gifts and challenges and delights that can lie ahead.

It's easy to ask little questions: "I wonder what I should have for lunch today?" But it's the hard questions that can be life changing.

Is there a question you've been avoiding? Is there one you should be asking?

Socrates lead the way, and showed us that, even when we can't get clear answers, posing and considering the right questions can still lead us forward in powerful ways.

It may be time for a mood - the interrogatory mood. What should you be asking yourself now?

The Adventurous Mind

Where is your next adventure? What will it be? When will it happen? And, how?

In her book, Deep Play, the modern poetic explorer of all things, Diane Ackerman, writes: "People often ask me where they might go to find adventure. Adventure is not something you must travel to find, I tell them, it's something you take with you."

The adventurous mind is always on the lookout for the new and challenging and wild - something to be explored, tackled, or tamed. Adventure is an attitude, a dynamic inclination, a way of living and working. It's best found where you are. And then it takes you to where you need to be. It's always about what's next. It's the way curiosity moves through uncertainty with danger or delight.

Where do new things come from? The adventurous mind finds them, or makes them. It's the mindset of discovery and creation. It's also the soul of intentional becoming and growth. It's a spirit and a cousin of courage. Its enemy is inertia, armed with fear. It's up to us to cultivate it and free this wellspring of the new from whatever would chain it down and hold it back.

So: Where's your next adventure?

You carry it inside you.

Bring it to the world.

Crazy Big Goals

This week, the world watched Tommy Caldwell and Kevin Jorgeson climb the Dawn Wall of El Capitain, in Yosemite National Park, over a stretch of 19 days. We all applauded in amazement as they struggled and succeeded at what's often described as the most challenging rock climb in the world. It was the first time the 3,000 foot sheer rock face had ever been taken on in a single expedition while using just hands and feet, rather than with the artificial means climbers have employed before. And there were many little failures that came before the crazy big outrageous success. I heard a television commentator put it well when he said about one of the guys: "He fell and fell and fell, until he didn't."

And that, in itself, is a great lesson.

Afterwards, Jorgeson said, "I hope it inspires people to find their own Dawn Wall, if you will. We've been working on this thing a long time, slowly and surely. I think everyone has their own secret Dawn Wall to complete one day, and maybe they can put this project in their own context."

As I read the details of their longtime dream, preparation, and execution of the climb, I saw the philosophers' 7 Cs of Success all through the story. Tommy and Kevin had:

C1 - A clear CONCEPTION of what they wanted, a vivid vision, a goal clearly imagined

C2 - A strong CONFIDENCE they could reach that goal

C3 - A focused CONCENTRATION on what it would take

C4 - A stubborn CONSISTENCY in pursuing their vision

C5 - An emotional COMMITMENT to what they were doing

C6 - A good CHARACTER to guide and keep them on course

C7 - A CAPACITY TO ENJOY the process along the way.

Whenever we see exceptional achievement in the world, we'll see the implementation and operation of these seven simple conditions that I've been speaking on for over 25 years. During that quarter of a century, I've seen many people get excited about The 7 Cs of Success but never apply them systematically in their lives, and others whose excitement translated into a relentless application of the conditions and a level of success that astonished everyone around them.

The philosophers can preach to us all day long, but it's what we learn by seeing people like Tommy and Kevin live their dream that really brings home to us how the right approach to anything can turn Crazy Big Goals into Crazy Big Success Stories.

Now. Go create your own.

Oh. And if you want to read more, go see the books True Success, or The Art of Achievement, or the big, comprehensive study of how the great thinkers have brought us these ideas and suggested that we use them, the new ebook, The 7 Cs of Success.

Insult, Offense, and Rage

Contrary to apparently widespread opinion, it’s not possible to insult, offend, demean, or disparage a great leader, prophet, religion, nation, or individual. It’s easy, of course, to insult and enrage lesser people. Many seem prepared to take umbrage at nearly anything. But true greatness is in this distinct way completely untouchable. The target is too far from its detractors. Any arrow of invective or caricature will fall short.
 
Public events of recent days and decades can seem to indicate the opposite. A movie is announced to be an offense and an insult to a revered leader, or to an entire swath of the human population. A cartoon, a video, or a passage in a book can be said to have committed a grievous injury that must be avenged “by all means necessary.”
 
The problem is that all this rage and reaction is based on a faulty understanding of the very notions of insult and offense that are being used to explain and justify the responses of anger, threat, and violence that seem so enormously out of proportion to whatever incited the response.
 
You just can’t claim with logical consistency both that your leader, or nation, or cause is great, and that he, she, or it has been insulted, offended, or demeaned by any words or works of art. It’s literally impossible to successfully insult, offend, demean, or disparage real greatness.
 
There’s an old proverb: The lordly lion ignores the yapping of small dogs. This is an image of a philosophical insight. Greatness has, within itself, its own intrinsic honor and worthiness of respect. When it’s not shown that respect, a wrong is done, not to the great person, nation, movement or religion being attacked, but both by and to and in the one communicating the disrespect. With anything other than greatness, however, things are quite different. But true greatness has an essential immunity to such diminishment.
 
Socrates believed that others could harm us only physically. We alone are capable of hurting and demeaning ourselves spiritually. He was also convinced that the worst efforts of lesser men could never do genuine harm to the souls of greater men, however they might contrive to inflict that damage.
 
Of course, there’s often a dynamic of insult, offense, and rage within businesses and industries, as well as within cultures. And far too much energy is wasted on these things. Any who react with anger and even rage to such perceived wounds need to engage in the age-old enterprise of self-examination. Are they defending their honor, or their great mentor’s honor? True honor needs no such defense. It’s fine, as it is. Once they understand this, then, perhaps, they'll be able to discover what's really going on in their own hearts and minds, and make some changes that can result in something philosophically and emotionally healthier.
 

Half-Hearted Half-Lives

How intensely do you live? How fully embodied are you, throughout your day? Are you doing your thing All-In, or just semi-engaged?

Here's a challenging claim from Walter Kerr, in his book, The Decline of Pleasure:

"We are vaguely wretched because we are leading half-lives, half-heartedly, and with only one-half of our minds actively engaged in making contact with the universe about us."

Is that true of most people? Is it ever true of you, even half the time?

Just reading Kerr, I'm already vowing to make sure that, throughout this day, I'm playing life as a full contact sport, totally immersed, and committed to the full, with all my heart and mind.

How about you?

Limits

We typically talk about limits as if they're always a bad thing. Because of this, I've seen lots of organizations and even corporate and association meetings given names like "Without Limits" or "Limitless" or "No Limits!" It's the ultimate cheerleading motto. Abundance. Infinity. Ultimate Expansiveness. The World is Yours. No, the Entire Universe - And Infinitely Beyond!

The problem is that we all have limits. And if we don't know them and respect them, we get into deep trouble. The great Anglo Saxon epic Beowulf, one of my favorite books, is about a guy who bought the "no limits" hype in his own time, and thought he was immune to failure. And that, ironically, set him up for his ultimate demise.

In Mary Shelley's classic cautionary tale of success and failure, the novel Frankenstein, Dr. Victor Frankenstein doesn't know his limits, either, and a world-class mess ensues.

Consider the oldest human epic story, from 2,700 BC, Gilgamesh. It's only when King Gilgamesh - handsome, powerful, narcissistic, and insatiably hedonistic - discovers the most basic of his limits that he's transformed into a good leader and king.

The wise thing to do is to live creatively within your limits, and at other times, at your limits, or even on them, in something like a high wire existential balancing act. But to pretend they don't exist is both wrong and dangerous. Our limits give us form, and without form, there is no substance, no distinctive, individual existence. We can rhetorically dismiss limits or deny them, but we're impoverished and even imperilled if we don't know and navigate by them.

How about you? What are your limits? How can you recognize them, respect them, even embrace them, and act with them in mind while you, nonetheless, dream big, aim high, and accomplish the seemingly impossible?

I'm a fan of outrageous greatness. I believe in the extraordinary. We should reject and blast through any unhelpful and artificial limits. But I think that knowing our real limits and wisely working within them can alone get us to where we most need to be.

And any philosophy that doesn't see with this is far too ... limited.

To Sit in a Small Room Well

To sit,

To sit in a small room,

To sit in a small room well,

To sit in a small room well is to be,

To sit in a small room well is to be at peace,

To sit in a small room well is to be at peace and content,

To sit in a small room well is to be at peace, content and fulfilled.

To sit in a small room well is, for a time, a luxury and a joy.

Most problems come from not being able to do this,

Pascal once said, while he managed to sit

in a small room well, being at peace

and content and fulfilled

just to sit.

The Golden Triad for Intellectual Contribution

Three things are needed, if you want to make an intellectual contribution in any field. That may sound daunting, and like an aspiration for the few, but it's really not.

In anything we do, new ideas can be useful. In fact, the right new idea can create a breakthrough. If your job involves working with your mind as well as with your feet or hands, or any other body part, making a real intellectual contribution to the enterprise you're engaged in will help any others who work with you, and, as a side effect, will help you to shine. 

In my first life as a philosopher, in a university setting, my areas of expertise were the philosophy of religion and philosophical theology. In all my work, three things mattered greatly to me. I like to think of them together as The Golden Triad for Intellectual Contribution in any field. They are:

Precision

Innovation

Simplicity

It's hard to make a real contribution in any domain of life or work unless you understand well what's already going on. You've got to know your stuff, and not just vaguely, or generally, but with precision. Sloppy thinking abounds, and it's up to you and me to do something about it. Precision is every bit as important as it is rare, and there's no better place to start in solving any problem, or assessing any opportunity, than grasping it precisely.

The Crowd tends to learn what's done, so they can go and do likewise. The Few master what's done so they can go and do better. But that means innovation.

I think that creativity is tied up at the core of the meaning of life. I have a whole chapter on that idea ("Business and the Meaning of Life") in my 1997 book, If Aristotle Ran General Motors: The New Soul of Business. We're not here to be just replicators and copyists in every way. We exist to be creators. When you understand your field, or a problem you face, with precision, that positions you to be innovative as well. And you should never settle for anything less. Innovation is what sets people and businesses apart.

But a lot of people who understand the need for precision and innovation go on to complicate things needlessly. That's a common problem for, especially, anyone who is new to a field. It's even found among old hands who have never risen to the level of top mastery in what they do. They think that to be precise, they have to be complicated. And when they're innovative, their creative solutions can sometimes be convoluted and complex beyond belief.

Simplicity is not only a sign of mastery, it's a powerful tool, and, as science has come to understand, a mark of deep truth.

Some people purchase simplicity at the sacrifice of precision, or innovation. That's extremely common in the area of practical philosophy I work in now, seeking for new insight on life and work, and on such issues as success. There are a lot of writers and speakers completely sacrificing any real precision of thought in order to be catchy, clever and memorable. Other people pursue innovation or precision at the cost of simplicity. Even in my most complex contributions to academic philosophy, I always sought for a beauty of simplicity in the ideas and their expression.

With these three qualities, or ideals, you can make an intellectual contribution to anything you're doing that will be helpful and memorable. Indeed, why settle for less?

Churchill on Art and Life

Sir Winston Churchill discovered the joy of painting when he was forty years old. It was to be one of the most rewarding activities of his life. I just read, for the second or third time, his little book Painting as a Pastime. It's full of great advice about mastering new activities that can enhance our lives immeasurably.

At one point, Sir Winston is talking about learning the art that was his favorite, and he says something profoundly applicable to progress in any great endeavor, in anything worth learning, where great delight can reward great difficulty. Let me quote.

Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.

What a wonderful statement! The adventures that we're on should extend out into the horizon, without any end in sight. There's always scope for new discovery and mastery, and indeed, new delight. We each need something in our lives that promises never ending challenge and enjoyment.

And it's never too late to find your art. Until, of course, it is. Therefore, start!

A Better Model For Decisions

How we think about choices can help us or hinder us in making them. I suspect that most of us carry around, in the backs of our minds, an inappropriate model for decision making that actually gets in our way and trips us up.

Many of us approach decisions as we would a True-False Test - there's a right answer and a wrong one. Take the new job, or stay in the old job. Move across the country, or remain where we are. True, or False. The difference is that we haven't previously learned in any sort of class which is which, and so we're in the old dreaded situation of guessing.

Sometimes, the Multiple Choice exam question might seem to be a more accurate rendering of how we think: There are many options for how I could approach my work or my life right now, and only one of them is best. Depending on the circumstances and the options, this can seem to capture a decision situation better than the True-False. But normally, it still puts on us a pressure that's totally unnecessary.

Philosopher Ruth Chang has an interesting Op Ed in the New York Times relevant to this. She says we often approach life decisions as a maximizing gain, minimizing loss scenario, and assume that if we could just get at the right facts out there in the world, the decision would be made for us. And she suggests that this isn't so. She counsels instead that when the options are at least "on a par" - there's no obvious best path forward, and we could live with either - we ought to ask what we could best commit ourselves to. It isn't a matter of guessing, but of commitment.

My suggestion is this. Decision making is less like an exam and more like an art. Every choice we make is a stroke on the canvas, a chip in the marble, a move in the dance. It's not necessarily a matter of True-False, or of picking The One Right Answer. It's a matter of "What's the next move we can feel really good about making?" And that aligns with Ruth Chang's consideration of commitment. What do you want? What can you commit to best?

When you think like that, you don't worry so much about "getting it wrong" and making a big mistake. Your thinking is more positive than protective, more about wants than about wariness. And that can liberate you to be the artist that you, deep down, are capable of being.

Self Knowledge and Goal Setting

I was giving a presentation recently on success, and we were talking about the importance of basing our goal setting in self knowledge. I explained that one philosopher had parsed self knowledge in an interesting way. He said, "Know your strengths. Know your weaknesses. Know your opportunities." And that's interesting, isn't it? Strengths and weaknesses are inner things. Opportunities are outer things. So how can knowing them, as external circumstances, be a part of self knowledge?

A situation that creates a great opportunity for one person will not provide the exact same thing for a different individual. Knowing what external situations are opportunities for you is a matter of self knowledge. But, how so?

Maybe we need to dig a little deeper. Maybe the imperative "Know Yourself" has a few more elements:

Know your strengths. Know your weaknesses. Know your limits.

Know your passions. Know your ideals.

Weaknesses are certainly limits, at least for now. But not all limits are weaknesses. Some limits are a result of our prior choices and commitments, and some are actually among our strengths. A robust and proper structure of commitments is a great thing to have. It empowers and it limits. And such limits will be very relevant to the goals we decide to set or adopt.

Knowing your passions is equally important. Some are strengths. Others are weaknesses. Some may be neither, in themselves, but developed can go either way. Passion is a source of drive and motivation. Setting goals outside of any concern for our passions is never a recipe for greatness.

And perhaps most important of all is knowing our ideals. We all have fantasies, desires, or passions that would not be right to pursue in a certain way or at a certain time. Our ideals are those values that should guide us in choosing. And they will help to determine what external situations do indeed provide opportunities for new goals and new successes.

All goal setting should be an ongoing exercise in self knowledge. And all these factors matter.

Values and Goals

This week, I'm reflecting a bit on goals, and I'll try to say some new things. Typically, we select new goals as a result of our desires and our values. Most of us have more desires than we ought to pursue. Our values help select which should be transformed into goals.

A goal is a guide to action. A value is a guide to action. So, then, what's the difference?

I've written that a goal is a commitment of the will. But then so is a value. A value is a commitment of the will. So, then, what's the difference?

On the simplest level, a goal is a specific commitment and a value is a general one.

But we can say more. A goal is a specific commitment to bring something about - to create or contribute to a certain result in the realm of fact. A value is a general commitment to honor, respect, protect, embody, or enact a quality or concern.

Some people confuse goals and values. They say, "Our goal this year is outstanding customer service." But that's too vague to be a goal. It isn't specific enough as to what fact will be created and how it will be measured or recognized. Outstanding Customer Service isn't a good or proper goal. But it's a great value. It's a fantastic general commitment that can suggest specific goals that are easily measurable and recognizable.

Values generate goals. But here's the equally important news. Values generate other values. For any value that suggests a new goal, there are often other values that lie behind it. And it's just as important to have the right values behind your choices and actions as it is to have the right goals.

Let me explain. If your commitment in the new year is outstanding customer service, if that's a driving value for you, then you should ask yourself why. Why do I value outstanding customer service?

Maybe, on reflection, you will come to realize that you want to be well known, or even famous for pleasing your customers. You want the praise and the reputation that will result. You also may value the financial benefits that often accrue to people who deliver great customer service. These are all common answers. And there's nothing wrong with wanting these things. People can properly value praise, reputation, and wealth. But they aren't the best ultimate values to drive the more immediate value of outstanding customer service.

Here's the contrast. There are other individuals who ask "Why?" about the value of outstanding customer service, and end up with the answer, "Because I really care about other people, and they always deserve the best I can give." That answer expresses the values of altruism and personal excellence. Those are the greatest drivers of more immediate values. Those are the answers that will help you to set, pursue, and stay consistent with the best and most worthy goals. Ironically, they'll also give you a better reputation, and often more wealth, than the guy just chasing reputation and wealth.

The commitments behind our commitments matter. They are where we get our ultimate strength. If you can get your inner house in order, at the deepest levels, you can fly the highest and do the best over the longest time frame. And that's the power of values.

New Goals

My gym has been amazingly full the past few days. Has yours? Don't worry, it won't last. There's a weekly version of this, too. Every Monday, the place is hopping. By Wednesday, it's just the old regulars.

In the opening days and weeks of a new year, we often allocate special energy to setting new goals. But then, a month or two later, it's back to normal, all too often. Why do so many of our New Year's Resolutions fade away?

Too many of us think we have new goals when we just have new fantasies. A fantasy is a figment of the imagination. I have a fantasy of lying in a hammock in Key West, perpetually. But it's not a real desire, not something that, when I actually think it through, I would want at all.

A desire is something stronger than a fantasy. Philosophers call it an inclination of the appetites, broadly speaking. It has some level of inner urgency to it. We feel a pull or a push toward anything that we actually desire. It isn't just an idle dream.

A goal is something very different. A real goal is a commitment of the will. The problem with many New Year's Resolutions is that they're fantasies, or desires, but not real goals. There's no commitment. And that's why they fade so quickly.

A commitment is a firm decision that has the quality of inner resilience. It can't easily be defeated. It's a motivated choice with renewable energy behind it, because of the values it embodies and that are therefore at stake. A commitment rides the wave of those values. And they are what will carry it on.

So if you've set new goals in the new year, and feel yourself wavering, ask whether you merely have a fantasy, or a desire, or have a real commitment, a choice based on values that you hold near and dear. Fantasies and desires can generate goals, guided by values, and they can support our goals, if we use them well. But they can't replace real goals.

Remember the importance of commitment. And I'll see you in the gym for a long time to come.

Heavy and Hot Emotions

Why are there so many angry people in the world? At the gym the other day, some of us were talking about this. And I have a simple hypothesis. Anger is often an avoidance response.

Here's what I mean: Many people who express anger over little things, or even for no apparent reason at all, are subconsciously attempting to deflect an experience of certain other emotions that they will do almost anything to avoid.

This is the idea. There are certain heavy emotions like sadness, grief, disappointment, anxiety, discouragement, fear, and guilt. Such feelings can weigh on us. They can bring us down. We can be terribly oppressed by them. And when we acknowledge and express these emotions, that often just makes us feel worse. We wallow. We're stricken. We're crushed even lower.

And, on another side of the negativity spectrum, there are hot emotions like frustration, irritation, and - most of all - anger. When you express these emotions, it can be cathartic. You release the negative energy. You get it out. You stomp your foot, or throw a book, or punch a pillow. You curse. You send the power of the feelings through your voice or limbs and actively discharge it out into the world where you think it can't hurt you. Well, maybe you don't do this, but many people do.

You may know people who act like this all the time. In a situation where another person in their place would be feeling bad, or sad, or anxious, they instead turn the tables and attack someone who happens to be nearby, and often for transparently bogus reasons. But by doing this, they send any unpleasant inner energy they might be feeling out into the world for other people to deal with. They've transformed their guilt into offense, or their anxiety into rage. There's nothing wrong with them, they think. It's you, or the boss, or the neighbor, or the colleague, or the so-called friend who's just a jerk and the only source of any real problems in the situation.

It seems like many people won't allow themselves an authentic experience of the heavy emotions and, to avoid one or more of them, will deflect and externalize in these ways, instead. So, when you find yourself in the midst of an explosion of some hot emotion on the part of anyone close to you, and you can't figure out how it makes any sense in context, or in its degree or focus, consider that it may simply be avoidance behavior. It may be deflecting something deeper and too heavy to bear. And then, the only effective way to respond is to try to help your irate friend identify and deal with the real source of the problem, to the extent that he or she will let you. Otherwise, just let it go. It's not really about you, or the boss, or the neighbor, at all.

At least, that's my opinion as a simple philosopher utterly untrained in psychology, or psychiatry, or any of the disciplines that would actually cost you something to consult on such an issue. But then again, as they say, you get what you pay for. And if you disagree with me, just don't get hot about it. Ok?

Friendship is a Garden

Friendship is a garden that needs cultivation and care. There are many forces in the world that will strengthen it, and more that will weaken it. The good gardener understands this and doesn't allow neglect to spoil the beauty of what's been planted and grown.

Friendship is an investment whose returns can rise or fall. If your time and attention were money, whose stock would justify the price? Good investments, of course, benefit both sides. Bad investments ultimately fail everyone involved. Great investments are those that yield dividends for life.

Friendship is an adventure, a shared voyage into the unknown. It's both a journey and the best means that we have to journey well. It's a light that shines in the darkness, a map and compass for the trip. It's a partnership of exploration where guidance and help flows both ways.

Friendship is an enterprise, the building of something new. It's a dynamic structure of work and play with a purpose that, at its best, benefits more than just the friends themselves.

Friendship is a celebration of what's good in life, and a support through all that's hard. It's a sharing of interest, activity, exuberance, and fun. It can also be a sharing of trouble and grief. Friends multiply the good, while dividing the bad.

And so, without friends, Aristotle asked us, who would want to live?

Work in your garden today. Invest. Adventure. Build. Celebrate. And give the sort of support that you most would want to receive.

Happy New Year

Yeah, it's just another day, another trip around the sun. So what's the big deal about this being the first day of a new year?

The truth is that we need rituals. We need symbolic markers that help us to look back, and look forward. Most of life is behind us and in front of us. Yes, we should live in the present moment, the only one we actually have. But we do so best by learning from the past and integrating each moment we now have into the coming future, in a way that's wise.

Markers help us to reflect - birthdays, anniversaries, and new year celebrations. What's just happened? What do we want next? How can we change and adapt to make new things possible?

The past is not supposed to define us, but to empower us, to push us along on our adventures. Do you want to lose some weight? Would you like to achieve a better balance between work and life? A new year gives you a starting point to begin to make those differences. Start today in small ways, and as little things add up, big changes can happen. It's up to us. We're never merely victims. We can all be victors, if we learn the importance of the little things, and the habits they can form.

May 2015 bring you all that you desire and deserve. May 2014 have prepared you well for this great new year!

Paradoxes and Turnarounds

Paradox can be a key to much that's important in life.

In the seventeenth century, the French scientist and creative mathematician Blaise Pascal wrote of the greatness and wretchedness of man, of our bigness and smallness in the universe. He pointed out that we are so fragile, and yet so strong. Our minds are profoundly powerful, and yet so limited. He eloquently claimed that there is indeed a God, who is hidden. There is truth, and it's often buried beneath layers of falsehood. He often pointed us to paradoxes that were where he thought the deepest wisdom in life could be found.

Paradox often prevails in life, at least in surface appearances, and sometimes deeper down. For example: You can’t often get what you need unless you first give what you can. There’s rarely a success that doesn’t in some way come from failure, and many a failure results from success. By thinking you’re better than others, you can make yourself worse. Nobility and humility need each other, in balance. Little things can make a big difference. Big things can often make only a small difference. In strength, there can be weakness. In weakness, there can be strength. Playing it safe is rarely safe at all. 

What hurts us can help us. And helping a person can sometimes hurt him. To give what you get can make a bad situation worse. Play may be what you need most at work. The worst that happens can bring about the best that happens. We sometimes need to yield in order to prevail. We often have to relinquish in order to receive. Selfishness is self-defeating. Self-giving is self-fulfilling. A wise man admits his foolishness, while a fool prides himself on his wisdom. A bright light can illumine or blind. Revelations can be concealments. Concealments often reveal. And the list goes on. You can probably add your own examples, aplenty.

There are many wonderful paradoxes and turnarounds in life - deep surprises and unexpected connections. The more you understand them, the better you can be guided by them, and the more you can benefit from their magic.

"Have Fun Storming the Castle!"

Being nice to people can have amazing results. 

My granddaughter gave me one of my favorite Christmas presents this year, the book, As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales From the Making of the Princess Bride, by Cary Elwes, who played Westley in the hilarious and great movie, The Princess Bride. First of all, it was the most fun read of the year. The stories are incredible. Andre the Giant's eating and drinking habits alone will have you reading passages aloud to anyone willing to listen. The battles with nerves on the part of people we consider great actors, who gave world class performances in this film, are just amazing. Mandy Patinkin and Wallace Shawn, along with Cary, often worried about their abilities to portray such  characters as we see in the film, and ended up giving some of the most loved and quoted scenes ever. Plus, what you'll learn about the rigors of fencing, the real sword fighting of the movie, and what it takes to overcome big physical challenges may be worth the price of the book alone.

Then, there are such extreme stories of failure and success: William Goldman, screen writer for Butch Cassidy and All the President's Men, created a fairy tale story for his kids, and couldn't get anyone to turn it into a movie. Great directors and actors tried. No studio would go for it. Finally, Rob Reiner discovered the screenplay and showed it to his mentor, my old friend Norman Lear, who enthusiastically agreed to finance it. It opened to modest ticket sales. But it went on to become one of the true pop classics that spans generations.

To me, the most important lessons in the book revolve around Reiner, and his approach to directing a group of highly talented people. Cary described Rob as the ideal leader. He found the right people, convinced them to be involved, and then nurtured and encouraged them every step of the way. The book could have been called "The Power of Nice," because that's what the story about the making of this movie shows. Rob's calm in the face of apparent disaster, enthusiasm for the process, gentle kindness with his actors, raucous laughter, cheerful encouragement, and respect for everyone created a climate where the cast and crew became a big extended family able to do great things.

And I think that can happen in any leadership challenge. When you're genuinely nice to people, you create a spirit of partnership that allows you to have fun storming almost any castle, to use the image provided to us by Billy Crystal's wild character in the film, Miracle Max.

True kindness to people can lead to some of the most astonishing miracles of fun, excellence, and creative joy that can be attained, in any endeavor.