Self-Help! in India

A man named David wrote me a year ago, and then again recently. He’s an avid reader of self help books and lives in India. The books didn’t work they way he had hoped. I asked if I could blog this exchange without using his name. He said it would be fine to use it. So here it is. What would you say?

From: David. Sent: Thu, Mar 6, 2014 10:11 am Subject: Career Advice

Dear Sir, I just read your book True Success (7 Cs of Success) and I found it really helpful. I also watched some of your videos on you tube. I am David, I am from India, 40 years of age. As far as I remember I have never been too ambitious and I have not found my true passion yet. I have tried several jobs and since last 8-9 years I have been pretty stable in a Sales job.

Last year in March I lost my job, but I didn't loose hope and found another job, but at a second level below my last position. ( I was working as Regional Manager handling multiple branches in a bigger area, whereas the current position I got was as Branch head in the same industry handling only one branch).

I got this position in the month of June 2013 but within a month I resigned as I could not feel comfortable going back in the hierarchy and it was suffocating as I thought it would take another 2-3 years for me to get back to my same position which I was in my last job as Regional manager. Whereas, my friends/colleagues and my juniors were at a better position. Even though the salary was good I didn't think twice before resigning as I was very confident in getting another job at my level, but this proved to be wrong as since last 7-8 months I have tried everything but not landed any job. (It’s good that I had a saving so I can still take care of another 3-4 months).

My confidence is also getting low as days are just passing by. I would like some advice from you so that I can implement the same and get my career on track. Regards,

David

To: David Re: Career Advice From: tomvmorris Date: Thu, 6 Mar 2014 11:42:10 -0500

Hi David! I'm glad you read True Success and have enjoyed it. A nice follow-up might be The Art of Achievement, which examines arts or skilled behaviors connected with each of the 7 Cs - and especially in times of transition such as you find yourself in now. It sounds like you're ready for the next adventure. I hope these books can help.

Remember in True Success there was a section about goal setting, and a suggestion about making lists: What do I like about my life now? What do I not like about my life right now? Sometimes, that can start creative thought about what you want to preserve and what you want to change.

I understand the frustration you experienced when you were running a single branch rather than a region. We all experience temporary fluctuations in our trajectories in the world. There are ups and there are downs. You can be a successful individual whether you are having success right now in all the ways you want it, or not. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. You're sometimes running, sometimes walking, sometimes, stopped, bent over catching your breath or drinking water. Then you start up again.

When you lost the regional position and gained the local job, that didn't lower your value or worth. But I'm sure you felt a blow to your self esteem. It didn't seem fair, when others you knew continued to prosper, despite having no more merit than you. Almost everyone lives through this, and perhaps several times.

If you love the industry, I would take any job in it that allowed me to show excellence at that level, whatever it is. Excellence always rises, and you can't predict how quickly or slowly.

You are a young man. I say that as a 62 year old about to have a birthday. You have many great adventures ahead of you. Don't be afraid to start the next one in a small way. For a great soul, no job is small. You make it great. Then you expand your territory.

Difficulties easily erode our confidence. But the confidence that most matters always has to come from the fire inside you, the fire that uses obstacles as more fuel and grows from its experiences.

If that's the C that's the hardest for you right now, Confidence, then use the others to build it. That's the way the framework can function. The more you apply the other conditions, the more confidence will grow.

Don't be discouraged! Everyone has hard times. Those are the times that grow up and strengthen us!

I would network with others, apply for anything that would have looked interesting to the younger you, and prepare to expand the job to reflect who you truly are!

Let me know if I can help in any way. Tom Morris

From: David RE: Career Advice Date: Fri, 7 Mar 2014 22:55:00 +0530

Dear Sir, Thanks for the valuable advice. I would definitely implement your suggestions. All the best for your future goals and aspirations. Regards,

David

A YEAR PASSES

From: David Sent: Wed, Mar 11, 2015 8:34 am Subject: RE: Career Advice

Sir, I hope you remember the last conversation we had last year. Well I did take up a job after that, it was an educational institute. As my job is in sales I have to achieve the targets. After working there for 6 months due to non performance I had to quit again. Last month I got a job in the same industry but in another city. I worked for almost a month but nothing felt right from the day one. The bosses were rude and on top of it I was torn between family and job. I had not shifted my family to the new location. It was difficult and in the end I quit without even taking my salary.

You must be wondering why I am sharing this with you, sometimes a third person can be a good judge.

Sometimes I think may be because of reading of all these self-help books, where they tell you to go and achieve the stars, amass more wealth.

I started my career in accounts but then after reading such books I thought I was playing safe and may be I need to do something great. I switched my career to sales thinking that I would move the career ladder faster. As you know sales is a roller coaster ride. It’s a tough job and now after almost 15 years it is very difficult to change the careers from sales to some other department.

Now I have started to feel like a failure. My brother who is younger to me works in accounts. His organization has sent him to USA. He would be earning in dollars and that too at a steady job. The frustration is mounting. Will appreciate some good advice from you. Thanks in advance.

David from India

What would you suggest?

To David Wed, Mar 11, 2015

David: Could you tell me which self help books you've read? TM

From: David

Sir, Unlimited power, Awaken the giant within you, Think and grow rich, some books by norman vincent peale, psycho cybernetics, seven habits and more. Mostly books on achieving success and wealth. I think the more u run after success, success deludes you. I have tried affirmations, creative visualization, nlp. I have also tried listening to paul mckenna, and morry method, subliminal messaging, but it didn't help. I know some of my friends they don't know anything of this stuff but still they are successful. Well may be it would not be proper to blame self help books, but take responsibility and move forward.

May be I need to change my attitude towards work. I think inspite of reading all this positive stuff I have become negative. Like for instance in my last job I had argument with one of my boss on the second day. I started thinking anytime in future they will fire me. One more mistake and I will be out of job. At the same time staying in a new city, away from my family and spending on rent and food, and top of it having a hyper boss, the stress was unbearable and I just decided to quit and come back.

Now that I have come back I think, have I made a mistake, in this tough market I did get a job, should I be more tough mentally, should I have more patience, should I have the mentality of not quitting at any cost. Well I think this is the time for some introspection and action, so that I do not fall in this trap again.

Thanks for the time and yes your blog is really wonderful.

One more question what do you think of Ayn Rands philosophy. Few years back I was very much motivated by her books fountain head and atlas shrugged. Thanks and regards. David

To David Date: Wed, 11 Mar 2015 09:21:50 -0400

Hi David. This is a temporary learning period you're going through. Many good people go through such a period, and come out of it with lots more wisdom about themselves and life.

The self help books too often don't recognize that people have very different talents, and that the contours of success can be as different for them as their talents. Not everyone can be a CEO. What would the world do with 6 billion CEOs and no one else? Not everyone SHOULD be a CEO. Not everyone can be a painter, or a journalist, or an accounts manager. When the self help books tell you to AIM HIGH, they usually assume that it means lots of money, or an exalted corporate status, or outsized power. But why should everyone aspire to that? It makes no sense. Some of us have talents that are of tremendous value to those around us, but our culture doesn't reward those talents with big money. So what?

The best advice is to know yourself. Find what you enjoy. Discover how you can use your time and talents to benefit others, in however large or small a way. Then do that. The proper rewards will follow. And many of those rewards will involve your own self esteem, fulfillment and happiness. Why should success mean the same results for everyone who has it? Why should you have to be miserable to work toward someone else's view of success?

You have tried an experiment. And like most experiments, there is a sense in which it didn't work. But in a deeper sense it did work. It told you what not to do. It reminded you of the importance of family. It showed you what doesn't feel right.

I've written extensively about seven universal conditions for success. They can act as a checklist for a possible goal or job. Then, once you've picked the goal or job, they can support your work toward it.

When I tell people to aim high, I mean for them to seek to be the best that THEY can be, with THEIR talents and interests. A janitor at The University of Notre Dame was the noblest man on campus, in my view. He thought of his job not just as cleaning a building but as creating conditions for excellence. He was a custodian of souls. His friendly and positive energy lifted up everyone around him. Most of the people in the building had PhDs, but they went to him to talk about difficulties and hurts and challenges. He was in the right job to make his proper difference. It's too bad he wasn't paid a lot of money for it. But if he had been, he would have given it away to poorer people. Why is money the measure? It isn't. It never has been. It just sells self help books.

Use what you've learned on these recent adventures to launch out in one that's better for YOU. That's self help. Use your wisdom for your good and the good of those you care about.

You can start almost anywhere. As you've learned, some adventures are short. Some are longer. Each one can teach us. You're learning a lot.

We should never judge jobs by external standards. Jobs don't make people important. People make jobs important.

You have greatly important work ahead of you. Let me know how it goes.

Believe in yourself. Your ability to articulate your journey makes me sure that the future can be very good for you.

Good Wishes! Tom Morris

Relationships and Transactions

There are two very different ways to live in the world. And these ways of living generate mindsets, habits of thought, action, feeling, and attitude. Each, in a sense, creates a world of its own. You live in either:

1. A Transaction World

or

2. A Relationship World.

A transaction world is all about buying and selling and trading. It's like a game where pieces are moved around on a board. A relationship world, by contrast, is all about developing bonds between people. It's about exploring, discovering, and creating new realities and experiences together. 

The transaction mentality views life as being about events and things that bring money, power, status, fame, and stuff your way, to whatever large or small an extent.

The relationship mentality views life as being about people and our connections with them. 

In a transaction world, people are either hindrances or helps. They're to be used or avoided. They're always managed and never really honored. In a relationship world, people are intrinsically valuable and are co-creators of value. They're respected and honored, encouraged and developed, cheered on, and praised whenever possible.

In a transaction world, it's things that are loved. In a relationship world, it's people.

The biggest mistake ever made about business is to think of it as all about transactions. It's always really about relationships. And here's the most important truth: Relationships rule the world. The transactions we engage in will never sustain us and deeply satisfy us unless they cultivate the relationships we really need.

If you live in a transaction world, you need to make a change. Consider cultivating a transition into the other world that awaits you. Life is supposed to be about people.

Extraordinary People

A few days ago, I just finished writing a second draft of a little book about the philosophical underpinnings of the extraordinary success experienced by Apple founder Steve Jobs. Then I found out that this week a new book is being published about him, a biography that might correct some of the impressions we all had when reading Walter Isaacson's authorized tome. The new one is called Becoming Steve Jobs. And it promises a more rounded portrait of a man who didn't just scream at people, but was a more complex character who changed modern life for all of us. I look forward to it.

Then, hours later, I read an article about Elon Musk, the young developer of PayPal, Tesla cars, and SpaceX, a guy who's just started with his own entrepreneurial magic, and may be the real life version of comic book and movie character Tony Stark, better known as Iron Man. Elon has taught himself physics, astrophysics and many other things, while most of us where sitting on the sofa and watching The Voice or Modern Family.

I was once in one of Henry Ford's former homes right outside Detroit. The caretaker was talking to me about how Henry used to sit around with his buddies Thomas Edison and the tire guy Firestone and dream up new ways to change the world. What can we learn from such people? 

We're not all world transforming visionaries. But we can all have visions for our lives and the world around us. We can accomplish more than we might suspect. And all that stands between us and the legacy we can create is habit, inertia, easy comfort, and distraction - all things that can be overcome with just a little effort.

We might not invent a new technology, or revolutionize industries, or fly people to Mars. But if we try, we can create more extraordinariness around us than we might ever have imagined. The magic is in us. That's why we're here. We just have to act like the pioneers we're meant to be, in whatever domain and on whatever level. Whether the results will get into the national papers and onto the covers of magazines isn't the test of our worth. We can feel whether we're doing what we're here to do. If you don't feel it, then give yourself the chance to dream and do. And then value your creative best by the right standards.

The Examined Life

I recently quoted Socrates. "The unexamined life is not worth living." He believed that self examination is a key to wisdom and virtue, to getting our bearings in life, and to moving forward in the right direction.

And I agree. But we need to balance his insight with our own. "The unlived life is not worth examining." We can't spend all our time in front of an existential mirror. We need to get out of the  self reflective head space in order to go out into the world and do something great. Self examination can be very helpful. It's necessary. But too much self reflection can gum us up.

A high school jazz teacher once told me how often he walks by a practice room and hears a student playing much better than he would have thought possible, but that if the student becomes aware of him outside the door, the performance will go dramatically downhill at once. The student becomes too self aware of his own playing as an object of assessment. Excellence in many endeavors requires rather a sort of self forgetfulness, almost a thoughtlessness that is possible only because of all the prior thought and deliberate effort that has paved its way. We need to get out of our own heads, and free ourselves from too much self awareness if we are to be our best at anything.

As a public philosopher, I'm at my best when I'm least self aware. In a room speaking on a topic I've been asked to address, the true magic happens when I completely forget myself and become almost one with the room, the people, and the ideas flowing through my brain. I'm not apart from the experience, observing it. I'm just having it. I'm almost being it. And that's not a time at all for self examination.

So, like many things in life, self awareness, self reflection, and self examination can be great, and vitally important, when used properly. But we also have to know when to put those tools down and just live. Then, we also need to know when to take them up again - but that takes a measure of wisdom, which is basically the skill of living well.

Your Success

True Success is made of a distinctive fabric that will stretch or contract to your proper contours. It's essentially measured and made for you and by you. That's part of what makes the success of other people something you can often admire, but that you should never seek to copy in every respect. Your proper success will be contoured just for you.

The most universal advice on attaining your best will always honor this truth if it's based in real wisdom, and not grandiose hype. Let's face it. We live in a culture that celebrates grandiosity. But we can say of many grandiose people something very similar to what Kierkegaard once said of Hegel: They create majestic and ornate mansions that no one could live in happily. Too many of us are driven by an assumption that bigger is always better, and in every domain of life. 

I've been writing about Steve Jobs recently, composing a new book on the deep philosophy behind his outsized success. And the more you learn about Jobs, the more you feel that, while you are indeed in the presence of a variety of greatness, you're also in the presence of extreme and driven obsession. And you don't have to be obsessed to be successful. You don't even have to be totally unbalanced and one dimensional to be extraordinarily successful. But the highest peaks of world changing accomplishment are usually reached only by those who are indeed obsessed, nearly possessed unbalanced, and driven by things in their lives that will not give them either rest or peace. We often benefit from the great work of such people. But the rest of us don't have to aspire to be like them in order to reach our own proper forms of tremendous success that are contoured just right for us.

It's a nice reminder. When you seek to put on a garment of success that's cut wrong for you, it never fits well or feels good. Only your proper success, in whatever size and style is right for your talents, personality, commitments, and nature, will fulfill you deeply and feel great.

In case you want to ponder more on this topic, consult my books True Success, or The Art of Achievement. Then, to get the practical equivalent of a PhD on the topic, with massive insights from the great thinkers, east and west, go look at the new ebook, The 7 Cs of Success. And let me know what you think!

Your Heart Knows

Whatever you feel in your heart to do, try it, regardless of the outcome. Life is mostly about process, not results. The results may or may not come. That's not up to you. The process is. Entirely. And how much in life is? Trying is entirely, 100%, up to us.

Today, I heard some guy being interviewed on NPR. I listened for 20 minutes and never found out who was being interviewed. But one point he made is worth repeating. He tried what he loved, and with no expectation of success. He poured himself into it. He said that no one in his family had ever caught a break. They were poor and caught in low end jobs. No one had ever succeeded, financially, or in most other ways. But he couldn't help trying to do what his heart told him to do. And he succeeded, wildly. We can rise above our backgrounds. We can. We often do. And our parents, and grand parents, and their ancestors would most likely applaud us, if we're doing it right. But, ultimately, it's all about heart. Do you feel it in your heart? Do you feel like you have to do it? Then do it, regardless.

One of my old childhood friends is a song writer. Some people say he's the best song writer in the history of country music. He moved to Nashville at about age 20. He wrote songs like "The Gambler" and "Forever and Ever, Amen." Years later, I asked him what the competition was like when he got to Nashville. He said that, at the time, he didn't know, but that now, he realizes that about 3,000 song writers live there at any given point. I asked him how many make a living doing it. He said, less than 200. I then asked whether he knew the odds against him when he moved there. He said, "No. But it didn't matter. I had to do what I was doing. It was in my heart. I had no backup plan."

One of the greatest gifts of life is to do what you have to do, whether you think you'll be successful or not. Living who you are - that's the key. Responding to what's in your heart. And that's the secret to a great life.

In the photo today you see my old friend Don Schlitz with Mary Chapin Carpenter, doing what's in their hearts.

Our Mistakes

We're humans. Given a chance to screw up, we will.

That's a quote from Brent Scowcroft, former, and outstanding, Director of National Security for presidents Jimmy Carter and George H. W. Bush. In a recent New York Times BooK Review Essay on a new biography of Scowcroft, the reviewer Daniel Kurtz-Phelan begins by saying:

In foreign policy, every success is just the start of the next crisis.

And isn't it that way in life, generally? We plan, work, strive and achieve, just to be confronted by a big problem we didn't see coming. And, along the way, we screw up. 

"Mistakes were made." That could be an epitaph for the human adventure. And how do you deal with mistakes or screw ups? Do you descend into the valley of despair, self-recrimination, and toxic guilt? I hope not. Just as much as I hope you don't just continue to dash blithely forth, oblivious to what you've done. 

Mistakes will be made. It's the human condition. The real question is whether they'll be continued, or at least interrupted by a proper response. Can we be learners? Will we be resilient? Even Sisyphus got back down to heave the stone again.

Give yourself a break. But don't let that prevent you from learning. We all make mistakes - sometimes whoppers. And we all can learn. There's a way to be a short term pessimist and a long term optimist. That's what I've been for a very long time. Any crazy thing can happen in the short term. But I'm very optimistic about the big picture.

This is actually a nice posture to adopt. Most critiques of optimism are actually objections against the viewpoint that can't tolerate any pain, and deludes itself to see sunshine in everything. I see sunshine, but not as a delusion - and mostly as a disinfectant of our stained mistakes. It's precisely my long term optimism that allows me to be a little pessimistic in the near term, and be prepared for almost any bad thing to happen. I'm ready for it. And I'm prepared to change it into something good.

How about you?

Sometimes, Play

I was in Maui. I had spoken three times during the week to a very large audience of international corporation presidents and their families. It was a lively group. In one of my talks, I had mentioned years before playing in bands. I can't remember how that came up, but somehow I used the reference to make a point, to illustrate some idea I was presenting. But I quickly forgot about even having made the reference, until the end of the week, when on the last night, a great band was playing on a big stage outdoors near the beach and under the star filled Hawaiian sky.

The organizer of the group, a company president from South Africa, I think, saw me somewhere toward the back of the crowd and yelled out, "Hey, Mate! You've GOT to play with the band!" I laughed and told him it had been too many years since I had done anything like that, and I wouldn't be any good anymore. But he continued to insist and took my arm and guided me toward the side of the stage. I could have gotten out of it, I'm sure, but from the look on his face, it just meant too much to him. So I put aside my rational doubts and any semblance of a reasonable concern to retain an intact professional image, and climbed the stairs, and at the top, someone handed me a guitar, and before I even realized what was happening, I was with the band, in the center of the stage, taking a lead break in whatever song they were doing. And everybody just went nuts. Some even rushed the stage, as you can see from the old photo above. When I finished the song and got down off the stage, the instigating global business leader gave me an enthusiastic high-five and shouted to me, "Now I believe everything you've said this week!"

My work as a philosopher was confirmed. Who knew? And I had a memory. And, yeah, it was fun. I'm glad I did it. You know what they say about risk and reward. Sometimes, you have to just lay aside your excuses and get up on the stage and play. Whatever that metaphorically means for you in your life and work, you just have to do it. You'll be glad. And maybe someone will see you do it, and appreciate you, or your normal work, in a new way.

Sometimes, play.

Friends and Flaws

A friend of mine has been reading my new novels in draft. He's probably read the first two books three or four times at this point. And the other day, he gave me pages and pages of typos he'd found. Really? I was certainly surprised. I've probably written, re-written, and edited these books at least six times through. And I had failed to catch some basic typos. 'They' was where 'the' should have been, 'if' and 'it' and 'is' got interchanged a few times, 'everyone' was doing without its 'y' - and other such things.

Why hadn't I seen these typos myself? I had been over the books so carefully. I had read them out loud. And still, I needed a friend to spot those tiny flaws that remained. Why?

The answer, as we all know, is simple. We often see what we expect to see, rather than what's there. And especially in the realm of the familiar, our eyes can be glazed over by our best intentions and hopes, or by prior habits and beliefs. The closer something is to us, the harder it is to see clearly. That's why we need friends, with different blind spots, habits, beliefs, and expectations to point out our flaws. Of course, enemies are eager to perform such a service. But they're as likely to be wrong as we are, or even more so. They're blinded by their resentment, or jealousy, or whatever has their tail in a knot. We benefit the most when friends are willing to look at us, or our productions, closely, and with good will, and help us to improve what we're doing.

The friend who has been reading my new productions has been one of the greatest encouragers I've ever known. "You're sitting on a goldmine with these books!" "I wish I had been able to read these in my twenties!" This gentleman, a business creator and former CEO who retired at age 43 to travel and compete in track and field events (often ranked number one or two in the world in shot put or javelin) has been a real friend to me. He's read my books looking for flaws, and has praised them along the way more than any of my other books have ever been praised. And at the same time, he's found those typos, and overly long sentences that needed to be cut down, and words where I was doing a British spelling, not the main American one. With nothing but good will, he's spotted the problems that allowed me to improve the final product immensely.

I suspect this can happen not just with book manuscripts but with issues of personality, character, and activity in the world. We all need friends who can help us see what's invisible to us, and thereby give us the chance to improve. The most effective self improvement may, after all, require the help of others. And that doesn't surprise me at all.

Give Yourself a Break

Dear Reader: I hope you give yourself a break now and then. You work hard. Life calls on you to do so many things. I know. I had a busy day, even though, yeah, I'm a philosopher, so keep that in mind. Nonetheless, a lot's going on this week. So I gave myself an hour this evening to just relax.

I sat out back on our upper patio. The lower patio adjoins a raised brick fish pond. From where I was, I could look down on it, and the great trees all around. I sat on a thickly cushioned chair, put my feet up on another one, and lit up a nice Nicaraguan cigar. I poured a small glass of Macallan 12 year single malt. And I just enjoyed my little piece of our beautiful world.

During the hour, three pairs of ducks flew over, honking goodbye to the day. I watched an industrious squirrel work on a truly impressive nest, high up in a tall magnolia tree. One of his friends chirped encouragement.

It was 82 degrees today with low humidity here at the coast. As the evening cooled, I watched pink and orange streak the bright blue sky above me. I enjoyed the solitude immensely, but also wished I had one of our periodic retreats going on and I could share the moment, and the goodies, with some brother and sister philosophers. I imagined us out on the deck of the nearby resort where we hold our sessions, overlooking the whitecaps of the ocean rolling in to lightly touch the broad sandy beach.

Don't forget to do something now and then to elicit those brain waves that make for transcendent rest and relaxation. I don't light up a cigar very often, or sip a malted beverage. But when I do, it's a special occasion. Give yourself your own version soon.

Self Doubt

Someone asked me to reflect on self doubt. And I was going to, a week ago, but I had doubts.

Confidence is a good thing, so self doubt is a bad thing, right? Well, it turns out not to be so simple, like much else in life.

Socrates said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." He encouraged frequent and honest self-examination. How am I doing right now, as a blogger, a public speaker, a philosopher, an author, a husband, a father, a grandfather, a neighbor, a friend? How am I doing as a human being? The result of an honest self examination in any of our roles or activities can be one of either affirmation or doubt. We might conclude, "I'm doing great." Or: "I'm good. I just need to hang in there a little longer and success will be mine." Or we could see that, "I'm not doing so well in this. Maybe I'm outmatched. This might not be the challenge for me right now." Or the conclusion could be, "I'm on the right track but I need a little help in order to get the outcome I want."

Self-affirmation can be healthy. But then, so can self-doubt. People sometimes chase the wrong things, things that are not right for them. People can also drift in a direction that's not desirable. Self doubt can slow them down and turn them around. It can be a stimulus to additional work and learning. Or, it can be the bane of your existence.

Like almost anything else in the world, our evaluation of self doubt has to turn on the question of how it functions in our lives. Do we experience it in healthy doses, or in a pathological way? Is it an occasional phenomenon that helps us, or a default position that always nags us and even holds us back? Does it result from real self knowledge in the present, or from unresolved issues in the past?

Psychological research shows that proper doses of self doubt can lead to important efforts to improve. It can stimulate collaborations ("I don't think I can do this alone") and needed work in developing new knowledge or skill sets ("I don't yet think I know all that I need to know"). But it can't be allowed to dominate in a life. It should not be the overall tonality of our existence. We're not in the world mainly to refrain from things, but to do things, and to accomplish things. In case doubt is getting in your way, and not allowing you to be and do all that you would like to achieve, I have one piece of advice. Doubt your doubts.

Weather

I was driving to the post office over at the beach in a light rain. I found myself thinking, "Wow, bad weather." But then I caught myself immediately and asked, inwardly, "Why is it bad weather? Why isn't it just weather?"

Well, there are some things you can't or don't do when it's raining, I told myself. It's an exclusionary form of weather. But then I saw a guy jogging, his shirt soaked through. But he wasn't running to get out of the rain. He was simply running in the rain.

Ok. Maybe rain isn't bad weather. Maybe it's just weather, like warm sunshine with a light breeze across the water. We may favor one sort of weather to another. But it's all just weather.

"Say that to the people who were in Boston this winter," the voice in my head reminds me. Yeah, some extreme weather requires that we manage our activities better, or even perhaps refrain from a certain range of possibilities, until the weather changes, which it always eventually does.

And as I continued this little mental dialogue, I came to realize how many things we label bad without a really good reason. It is what it is. And that's sometimes a useful thing to say, or think. We adapt. We adjust. And we know that things will change.

How often do we get all worked up with thoughts like "This is awful" when those thoughts are as useless as they are false? I got home and said, "It's raining pretty hard now."

And my wife said, "The new plants really need it. It's great."

And I was glad I had that talk with myself.

Greed

What would the world be like without greed - Greed for power, money, status, fame, stuff, experience, or love? A reader recently posed this question. So let's reflect on it. Greed is a potent source of action. It powers ambition and achievement. It moves people to take a risk and persist. It can even elicit creativity. It gets people up in the morning, and keeps them working hard through the day, and even into the night. In the hit movie Wall Street, the star character Gordon Gekko famously proclaimed, "Greed is good." 

But is he right? A philosopher like me would say that greed is not only unnecessary, it's unhealthy and toxic. It's not good at all.

Desire is a good thing, when attached to good purposes. Greed is an excess of desire. Aristotle had an interesting analysis of virtue as the mid point between two vices, or extremes. Courage, for example, is the mid point between the extreme of too little, called cowardice or timidity, and the excess of too much, known as rashness, or temerity. Likewise, perhaps, a healthy form or degree of desire is a mid point between the too-little of apathy, and the too-much of greed. Desire is necessary for ambition and achievement. Greed isn't. In fact, greed enslaves and corrupts people. And this has been recognized by the wisest thinkers, east and west. It's the maximal extent of what eastern philosophers call "attachment." It's bad for the soul. And it isn't for even a minute good for business.

Greed is about getting what you want, not about making the world a better place. It doesn't actually support the full range of creativity or curiosity you might at first think it would, but just focuses on getting the most it can the quickest way possible. It's willing to do great damage to others to get its own way. And it's sometimes surprised by the consequences.

The greedy tend to go too far, burn bridges, alienate others, and violate all known ethical codes. They become captivated by things they don't need. They get obsessed by things and habits that will distort their lives. They lose all balance and discernment. They bull their way into situations that will ultimately make them unhappy. They corrupt their own souls.

I was asked this question just a few days ago by a reader of this blog: What would the world be without greed? My answer is simple. It would be a much better place. And, Yo, thanks for asking.

And readers: Feel free to make other suggestions. I desire them, but promise you I'm not greedy. I'll share.

Help For Those Who Need It

My daughter just had a flat tire. It happened not far from home, in a high end gated community. Her car was disabled in an undeveloped area, ten feet off a main road. Lots and lots of people drove by her, a few feet away. Many of them looked at her. She told me that one guy even hung his head out his car window, staring. Her emergency flashers were on, and she was outside the Volvo SUV, a petite blond thirty-something, after her phone call to Triple A, and obviously in need of help. People rode by her on bikes. A man walked his dog by her, a few feet away, twice. And no one asked her if she was Ok, or needed anything.

It's not that people were afraid to stop. She's certainly not a threatening individual. Plus, it was mid day, and the neighborhood has lots of security. Three or four security cars actually drove by during her forty five minute wait for help. One officer waved. But again, even those whose duty is to help didn't. She never tried to flag anyone down. She was taking charge of the situation from the start and calling for a tow truck guy to come help her. But then she waited. And waited, flashers going all the time. She just couldn't help but notice that no one at all inquired about whether she was Ok or needed help.

When she got home, she told me the whole story, astonished that no one tried to be of assistance or had even asked whether there was anything they could do for her.  Bu then she said, "It's called diffusion of responsibility." There's, of course, a related tale in the Bible called the story of the Good Samaritan. There's also some stuff in the same text that we often refer to as The Golden Rule. But she didn't experience anyone applying either passage in a positive way on this particular day.

I'm glad she told me the story. I don't want to be one of those guys who sees a need and keeps going. Her experience has reminded me that if we see anything where another person may be in some sort of difficulty, it would be good to stop and at least ask about their wellbeing, or need, and offer to help anyway we can.

And, hey, it's not securing peace in the middle east, but a mindset attuned to be of help does make the world a better place, if only by a little bit. Let's all try to do our bit as we move about through our days.

What's Holding You Back?

People often find themselves in activities, jobs, and even relationships of various kinds that seem to do nothing but dissipate their energies and drag them down. And even when the negativity is subtle, it can be draining. Life is too short for that, and too important an opportunity. We're here to grow and soar. Struggle is certainly a part of life, as well. And it's often necessary for deep growth. But nothing's worse than unnecessary struggle or a situation that simply confines your spirit and dampens your fire.

If there's something in your life that often brings you down, or that seems like an uphill struggle, or clearly holds you back, it could be a problem you need to tackle and work through. It might indeed be a source for positive growth. Or at some point, you may just have to ask:

Does it feed my spirit?

Does it touch my soul?

Is it an important part of why I'm here?

And:

Can I do some good in this and still be fully who I am?

If the answer in each question isn't a resounding yes, then that might be a touchstone for change, a sign that you need to rethink what you're doing. The world benefits most from flourishing people, and not so much from individuals who are living at odds with who they really are. Sometimes, you need to rethink what you're doing, and shed what holds you back, in order to move closer to the light.

A Little Bit of Paradox

Each of us is ordinary. Each nonetheless is more. Each of us has limits. Each is infinite, as well. Each of us is flesh. Yet each of us is spirit. Each is of the earth. Each is of the stars. Each started small. Each can be great. Each has a real past. Each is mostly future.

We all live now. We all can grow. Almost anything can kill us. Almost nothing can stop us. Others can build us up. Others can bring us down. Belief can drain us. Belief can fulfill us. Good action is for others. Good action is for us. 

Wisdom is hard. It's also quite easy. Action is the means. It is also the end. 

Using the Power of the Mind

How do you use the power of your mind? In the weight room, my workout partner prepares himself for a really heavy bench press lift by vividly imagining a guy in college who tried to steal his girlfriend. And by visualizing this nemesis, he mentally takes himself back in time and gets really mad. He feels the anger. And he says it fuels his strength and his subsequent accomplishment with the lift.

It's amazing to me that he can still get so worked up about something that happened thirty years ago. But he can. And he uses it well. But I can't do that. I take a really different approach.

When I lie down on the bench with three hundred pounds or more looming over me, I go to a happy place. I imagine a beautiful day at the beach near my home. The sand is soft, and just the right hue of very light beige, the sky is an amazing blue, with a few little puffy white clouds floating by, over to the east and the water is a stunning aquamarine, with great waves tossing off sparkling whitecaps.

My workout partner likes to call this my "Puppies, Butterflies, and Rainbows Approach." But it works. It Zens me out and lifts me up. It's exactly what I need. I don't try to talk my friend out of his college rage re-creation, despite my worries about his blood pressure. And he doesn't try to get me away from those cute little puppies on the beach. We use different approaches, but to the same end - to get our minds into a place where we can draw more deeply on the resources we have, in order to face the challenge that confronts us.

What do you do? Should you do more? Those puppies could use some attention.

Our Kardashian Kulture

The news just broke. Culture phenomenon Kim Kardashian hit a new milestone on Twitter: 27 million followers. And of course she decided to commemorate this astonishing accomplishment by sharing with the world a selfie of her bottom in a thong. It was an appropriate celebration for such a fundamental (from the Latin, fundament, or bottom) achievement. I'm a philosopher, unlike Kim. And I have about 5,000 followers on Twitter, give or take. I'm convinced that if Socrates were alive and Tweeting, he'd have maybe 12.

Oh, and that first public philosopher was poisoned by public demand. He wasn't the most popular guy in his time. But, by contrast, the Kardashians just signed a new 100 million dollar, four year renewal deal with the E! Network for their television shows. What's the lesson lurking for us here?

People pay (in money and attention) for what they want and what they need - right? No. Not at all. People pay for what they want and for what they feel like they need. Everyone needs wisdom in their lives. But relatively few really feel this to the extent of devoting time and energy and even, occasionally, money to its pursuit.

In the seventeenth century, the great scientist and mathematician Blaise Pascal watched a version of this going on in his time. His diagnosis was simple. He said:

Being unable to cure death, wretchedness, and ignorance, men have decided, in order to be happy, not to think about such things.

Most people, he believed, don't know really who they are, why they're here, or where they're going in this world of mystery that presents us with the only sure thing as the looming abyss of death, into which all of us, sooner or later, will fall. Yeah. Ok. He wasn't always the life of the party, either. But, then, he says:

We run heedlessly into the abyss after putting something in front of us to stop us from seeing it.

Kim Kardashian's most fundamental asset helps to block our view of the abyss. Pascal called this diversion. We prefer diversion, or distraction, over a pursuit of truth, understanding, and real meaning. We want to be entertained. We feel a desperate need to be entertained. And we're willing to pay a lot for it. It didn't surprise me at all that a book came out about this, years ago, entitled Amusing Ourselves to Death.

Is there anything wrong with amusement or entertainment? No, of course not. A nice diversion now and then, a happy distraction, can play a healthy role in our lives. But not if it's the major portion of our lives. It can't become an obsession and be healthy at all. We need more. We need to get in touch with the deepest cosmic realities now and then. We need self knowledge, a sense of our place in the world, and values that will lead us along a path of real fulfillment and happiness, rather than taking us down the dead end road of their modern counterfeits. 

We need to engage in a little Socratic questioning of our cultural values right now, and of our personal commitments. The founding philosophers in ancient times loved fun and parties and entertainment. And so do I. But they didn't use these things to keep them from ever going deeper. And we should take a hint from them. In a balanced culture, even Socrates might have blown up Twitter, and without anything remotely like a Kardashian know-thy-selfie.

Focus!

One of the greatest keys to success in modern business is focus. Let's think about it for a bit.

First, notice that the word is primarily a verb. Focus. Even the noun form is an action word. Focus is something you have precisely when it’s something you do.  And I think there are three basic imperatives involved with attaining and keeping great focus.

1. Ignore Distractions. Ask What Matters.

There’s an old saying that the two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. That could be true. And if there’s a third, it just may be distraction.

We’re always surrounded by distractions – news, gossip, emails, texts, phone messages, the never ending streams of social media, the various forms of old fashioned media, and people stopping by to shoot the breeze or tell us about their problems. The buzz of distraction is incessant. And it’s all around us. We have to learn to block it out and ignore it.

We need to question things. What’s relevant to our concerns, and what’s off target, even if just slightly? What can advance us along our path, and what would just detain us and hold us back? We can draw this crucial distinction only if we have clear targets, clear goals around which to structure our focus, and guidelines for properly getting there. Those organizing aims, ideas, and principles then become the test for anything that enters our consciousness: Will this thing or idea or opportunity or conversation help us properly to attain our goals, or not? Is it useful, or not? Will it keep us on the road, or detour us off course?

2. Select. Eliminate.

Apple founder and CEO Steve Jobs would often say, “Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do.” He would then usually explain that, “Good things have to be set aside so that we can do really, really great things.” 

To select is to eliminate. We all have limited time and energy. Choice allows us to cut through the thicket of what’s possible and carve out a path we can follow. The famously groundbreaking modern painter Piet Mondrian claimed that the most difficult brush stroke in any painting is the very first one. Prior to that, the blank canvas presents to the artist infinitely many possibilities. The first stroke begins a process of elimination. To choose is to exclude. When we do this, we can’t also do that. 

Without elimination, there is no selection. You may think you’ve made a new choice, and set a new goal, but if that hasn’t resulted in the exclusion of other contrary behaviors, you really don’t have a new goal at all. “No” is just as important than “Yes,” and must be much more frequent. 

3. Use the Perspective of Purpose.

How then can you be properly selective? You can use the perspective of purpose. 

I’ve suggested that clear goals help us to identify and eliminate distractions that would get in the way of our progress. But how do we set the right goals in the first place? By having a solid sense of purpose and mission for what we’re doing. Why do we exist as a company or department or institution? What’s our purpose? Why am I doing what I'm doing? Those should be questions that everyone can ask and answer, in their own context. A strong sense of purpose brings with it both a motivation to focus and a power to do so well. 

Aristotle understood long ago that we humans are essentially purposeful beings. When we have a purpose we can believe in, then it will by nature guide our behavior in a way that external forces can never threaten or replicate. Buying in to a purpose is just setting your heart and mind in a particular direction, and on a specific road, and one that inherently involves the strength of focus. 

I think we can say even more. Focus is destiny. What we focus on determines what we become and accomplish. Vagueness is the enemy of excellence. Focus is its engine.

Meditation in Good Company

Ok. I know. I've written about meditation twice recently. But those blogs were spurred by reading the really good Dan Harris book, 10% Happier. I couldn't help myself. Blame Dan. But today's rumination comes from a Sunday New York Times Article this week on how the CEO of Aetna insurance has introduced Yoga and meditation to his employees and customers. The results are wild.

Mark Bertolini had a near fatal skiing accident, and in his long battle to recover discovered both yoga and meditation. The practices had a profound impact on him. And so, when he became CEO, he had the idea of introducing them to the entire company, as something he would recommend and encourage, but not require.

To convince the company's head physician to go along with this, he offered to ask employees who wanted to volunteer for a little research to join one of three groups: the yoga group, the meditation group, and a control group. In a very short time, the yoga and meditation people were reporting lower stress and showing it in their heart functions and cortisol levels. The company spread the gospel, and more people signed up for these stretching and breathing exercises. The overall health of the organization improved right away, and was manifested in a big drop in medical costs. People felt better and reported greater focus and productivity. Aetna's stock has also tripled during this time, by the way. Check out the detailed stats in the Times piece. "It's magical," Bertolini reported. What's not to love?

Of course, there are critics. The author of a recent Harvard Business Review article, David Brendel, argues that we shouldn't over use techniques like meditation in the workplace to reduce stress because stress can be useful to prompt critical thinking, and so isn't just something to avoid. And to an extent, I agree. But my view would be that a little stress can go a long way. If practices like yoga, meditation, jogging, or weight lifting can take the edge off the stress, the anxiety, and the wholly unnecessary blight of worry in people's lives, something is gained and nothing worthwhile is lost.

A little stress is fine. Stress is where opportunity and challenge meet. It's the baseline experience of pressure. And that's not always a bad thing. But too much is counterproductive. And too much is the exact dose that stress usually comes in. Any practice that can reduce it down to healthy levels, while refreshing the spirit and sharpening personal focus is to be commended.

Of course, mediation is not meant to replace rational thought. They have to be used in tandem. As Brendel says: 

Mindful meditation should always be used in the service of enhancing, not displacing, people’s rational and analytical thought processes about their careers and personal lives.

So, to prepare yourself for whatever rational and analytical thought you might need, in any new challenge, you might first find yourself a comfortable spot and do like innovative CEOs often do. Breathe. And chill. If only for a few minutes. And let me know how it goes. Om interested.