Own your struggles. They can be your strength.
Honor your scars. They can mark your progress.
Embrace your darkness. Squeeze from it your light.
Appreciate your failures. They are your teachers.
Cherish your hopes. They are your guiding stars.
Right before I left Notre Dame, twenty years ago, a lady in her fifties whose husband was an administrator said to me one day. "I always have two friends, one much older, one much younger. The older friend shows me the way forward. The younger friend helps me get there."
I've always thought this is amazingly wise. It captures so many truths about age and friendship and personal success, about mentoring and being mentored, about about inspiration in its different forms.
Youth at its best has energy, possibility, enthusiasm, action, openness, hope, and ambition, among other virtues. Age at its best has experience, discernment, perspective, wisdom, and a hard earned form of wonder, and even, at times, a deeper joy and gratitude. Youth is rambunctious. Age is measured. Youth is unfettered. Age is guided. Youth embraces. Age understands. And on it goes.
The balance my friend alluded to becomes increasingly important with adulthood, but is always a help. Do you have someone to show you the way forward? Do you have someone to give you the energy to get there?
I hope you have two friends, one much older, one much younger. And if not right now, I wish it for you.
We all need someone to show us the way forward, and someone to give us the energy to get there.
When times are good, there's often a wonderful but dangerous illusion that things will never change. When times are bad, there's often a cruel and equally dangerous illusion that things will never change.
But things do change. And that can be either a shock or a relief, a source of grief or of joy.
In his recently published memoir, Even This I Get to Experience, my old friend Norman Lear recalls that on his sixtieth birthday, his daughter Kate in a toast described him as someone who "walks through life's peaks and valleys with equal wonder." What a rare and tremendous thing to say, and, really, what an amazing attribute to have.
There are peaks and valleys, aren't there? And the journey we're on now has to involve them both. Try to embrace each with equal wonder and a readiness for whatever comes next.
We live amid mysteries and, in the end, it's all a wonder.
First thoughts, initial ideas, can be great, or they can be dangerous. Often, we find ourselves in a situation where we're trying to make sense of something and figure out what to do next. The first thing that occurs to us can sometimes be right, as a deliverance of intuition or instinct, or as a gift of the unconscious mind. But there are other times when our first thoughts are due to fear, or habit, or some other extraneous factor that actually gets in the way of discovering the truth.
I was speaking yesterday at the downtown Hyatt Regency in Indianapolis, a great urban hotel. And right before I was to give my presentation inside the Regency Ballroom, I was wandering the nearby hallway and came across a sign. I took out my iPhone and snapped it, posting the photo to start this blog, above. Theory A.
And then I walked a few feet and saw the following, of course.
Every philosopher likes to initially have more than one theory available, when attempting to understand something new. The same thing holds true in business, and even in our personal lives. Theory A. Theory B. Sometimes, even more of a selection of possibilities helps. What's important is not to rush to judgment. Don't let your first thought necessarily dictate all subsequent rumination. Reconsider. Open up to the possibility of something new. We can always be learning. It may be that your second, or third idea is the best, and the one you need to run with. Test whatever comes to mind. Then act.
And even when you find that your first theory was right, your exploration of other possibilities will help you understand how others might think about the situation, and might even give you clues into how to implement your favored approach. What's important is to broaden your thinking and keep open to something new.
Try this if you can, in any new situation you might face. Whenever Theory A occurs to you, conjure a Theory B, to help you think better about it all. Then choose which is best.
Keep your mind open and flexible, always able to contemplate the new.
Today.
Or Tomorrow.
You become like the people you're around.
A man sitting next to me on a plane told me an interesting story. A therapist friend of his asked him to make a chart on a piece of paper. On the left side he was to write:
Physical
Social
Emotional
Financial
Spiritual
Then, he was to draw vertical lines, making five columns to the right of these categories, and at the top of the columns to write the names of the five people he was around the most, but including only one member of his immediate family. Then he was to assess the health of each of these people in each of those categories, writing a brief summary or evaluation, in as few words as possible.
The therapist left him to the task for 20 minutes, then came back in, and read over what he had writen. He then said, "I want you to look over this carefully. You have just predicted your own future. Make sure it's the future you want. Or make the changes you need to make."
I said, "Really? What happened as a result?"
He said, "The divorce was easy. But ending my business partnership was a lot harder."
I was surprised. We don't always have to take such dramatic steps. But we do need to remember that we become like the people we're around. That can be great. Or it can be scary, depending on who you're around and what you really want to become. We're all in a state of becoming, all the time. Ask yourself this: Am I associating with the right people who will help me to become the person I most want to be?
And if the answer is not a resounding YES, then start making some changes, however small.
Today.
There’s a special joy in doing what you’re meant to do.
This week, so far, I’ve travelled to Colorado Springs for a talk at the great Broadmoor hotel, speaking to 450 business owners. The hotel itself is spectacular, and I always seem to be put in the West Building, which is quiet and beautiful, with serene views outside the window of my suite. To get to the main building, where I had dinner last night with one of the top speaking agents in the country, a really great individual who also has an unexpected and interesting background as a songwriter, with tunes, so far, in eighteen films, I had to walk on a path bisecting a scenic lake, mounting a gently sloping footbridge in the middle, surrounded by mountains. The temperature was perfect. The evening was magical.
Who knew that being a freelance philosopher could put me in so many wonderful places, where the glories of nature are on such magnificent display? And the people I meet along the way enrich my life immensely.
And then came the talk, the speech for which I had made the journey. I had forty minutes, a relatively short time these days for philosophy, but it was ethereal. We pondered, we analyzed, we laughed, and we explored the wisdom of the ages on one of the most important topics of all - how each of us can have our best impact on the world in the short span of years that we have, and how we can have true success, deeply satisfying and sustainable success that fulfills us, in everything we do.
It was a treat to represent the great philosophers, east and west, and to add my own interpretive frameworks. And everyone who was there went away with a laminated wallet card on the ideas we talked about. I’ve given out these cards on each of my topics, for more than twenty years. I’ve probably handed out millions as little gifts. And as a result, people stop me in airports and hotels, and in other places, and pull out their wallets and show me the card that they say they got six or nine or twelve years ago at a talk they heard me give and still remember. What a kick! Those little laminated wallet cards are almost the paper version of tweets, but they last, and can be carried about and kept and referred to again and again. The way tweets stand to blogs, these little cards stand to books, and have a special magic all their own.
My talk at the Broadmoor was, as such a thing almost always is, a joy, What Emerson would have called an ecstasy, and an honor. In the whirlwind of time allowed on a busy meeting day, we ranged through space and time, appropriating the insights of the ages for our own lives, and thinking anew about what we want from our time, and our efforts.
It’s always a new experience for me. I never memorize talks and hit the play button in front of an audience. I do like the great jazz guys and improvise around a framework. I surprise myself. I sometimes say things I’ve never even thought before, but in that moment, I realize a new truth and pass it on to others.
Now, I’ll have two days at home, and then a quick trip to Florida, to philosophize again, for a small group of executives who make sure the lights stay on at such places as Google and NASA, operations where power reliability is crucial. We’ll get to talk about the life wisdom that’s also powerful and always reliable. And that will keep the lights on for them, as it does for me.
I tell you this today in hopes that you are also, in your own way, participating in the joy of living your proper mission and adventure. And if you haven’t quite found that yet, let me encourage you that it awaits you and can be both lived and loved.
So examine your own experience. You’re here to do great things, and to have great joys. I want that for you.
Today.
A great profile of the novelist Marilynne Robinson in the New York Times a few days ago begins like this:
This June, as a grandfather clock rang the quarter-hour in her modest Iowa City living room, the American novelist and essayist Marilynne Robinson, a woman of 70 who speaks in sentences that accumulate into polished paragraphs, made a confession: “I hate to say it, but I think a default posture of human beings is fear.” Perched on the edge of a sofa, hands loosely clasped, Robinson leaned forward as if breaking bad news to a gentle heart. “What it comes down to — and I think this has become prominent in our culture recently — is that fear is an excuse: ‘I would like to have done something, but of course I couldn’t.’
Fear. It's amazing how often it holds us back, largely because we don't realize our own greatness, our deep resources, our resilience, and the magnificent purposes we can enact in this life. Marilynne Robinson is a believer in who we are, in our most fundamental souls. She's a religious novelist who has the rare, uncanny ability to depict goodness in compelling ways.
I wanted to bring this essay to your attention because I enjoyed it so much and I suspect you might, as well. In it, she says such things as:
“Being and human beings,” Robinson told me, “are invested with a degree of value that we can’t honor appropriately. An overabundance that is magical.”
It's good to be reminded of our astonishing core value, as human beings, in a world that often ignores it in so many ways, in favor of counterfeit values.
Robinson is a person who, learning her own value, and realizing the value that the rest of us embody, has not let any form of fear hold her back, but has launched out into a brave venture of writing that can show us, in subtle adumbrations, who we really are. And her honest boldness has garnered her both a Pulitzer Prize and a National Humanities Medal, in addition to many critical accolades.
Go check out her books here. I've started with Gilead.
I think you'd enjoy reading about her. It may spark a new sense of value in your life.
Today.
"It is the nature of every man to err, but only the fool persists in his error." Cicero.
There's only one form of perseverence that's wrong and self-destructive: perseverence in error. It’s unbelievable how many people come to realize that they’ve made a mistake and yet keep on doing what they’re doing, apparently unable or unwilling to stop and make a change. Are they afraid of being called quitters? Are they loathe to admit having made a mistake at all? The inability to own up to error and rechart the course forward has ruined many people’s lives, both personally and professionally. Epictetus said long ago, “No one who lives in error is free.”
Everyone makes mistakes. Most of us make some doozies. It’s all part of the enterprise of learning. It’s all part of human growth. And it’s natural. Don’t be embarassed about making mistakes. Really. The only thing worth being embarassed about is a refusal to learn from your mistakes and make the changes that you need to make. But that can change! Do you find yourself persevering in error of any kind? Or do you see someone around you engaging in that sort of self-defeating activity? Use this bit of Cicero’s wisdom as a simple reminder to help turn things around. The wise adapt and rebound. So go and do so.
Today.
Editor: We all admire your previous books, and find your platform as an author to be quite impressive. It's wonderful that you bring philosophy into the broader culture! And your current book manuscript doing so is certainly very elegantly written. I enjoyed it immensely. But I'm afraid that there's a problem that prevents our publishing it.
Me: What's the problem?
Editor: There's really nothing new in the book, nothing completely original.
Me: Hmmm. If that were true, why would it be a problem, exactly?
Editor: We publish new books to provide people with new ideas.
Me: Why do you do that?
Editor: Well, to help people solve their problems.
Me: What if that's not the best way to help them do that?
Editor: I don't understand.
Me: You want to provide new answers to old problems - problems people already have, or have had?
Editor: Yes.
Me: Have you ever considered, instead, the very different strategy of providing old answers to new problems?
Editor: What does that mean?
Me: Good. You've asked your first question.
Editor: What?
Me: We're on a roll now. And thank you for asking. I want to address new problems - the next ones that we'll face, the ones that will come our way tomorrow, and next week, and next year.
Editor: Ok. How?
Me: With old answers - ancient wisdom, ideas that have stood the test of time, reliable perspectives and recommendations, the tried and true, the deep and enduring insights that our upcoming problems will require, and that alone can provide the solutions we'll need.
Editor: So, instead of new answers to old problems, you're giving old answers to new problems?
Me: Yes.
Editor: Well, that is indeed original, and new.
Me: You think?
Editor: I do, but we still can't publish anything like that.
Me: You can't?
Editor: No. But, good luck with it. It deserves a great home.
Me: Thank you.
Editor: You're welcome.
"Some wisdom must be learned from one who is wise." Euripides
Are you ever tempted by a completely do-it-yourself approach to life? Do you ever harbor thoughts that in business or in your personal life, you can successfully make it all up as you go along, figuring it all out, at least sufficiently for your own purposes?
Whether we ever explicitly think like that or not, that’s often the way we act. Why don’t we consult the wisdom of others more? There are people all around us who have insight to share if we’d just tap into it. They don’t have to be wiser than you to have something to offer you. As long as they think of something differently from the way in which you customarily think, as long as they approach life from a slightly different angle - and, let’s face it, everyone does - there’s something you can learn from the people around you, perhaps in unexpected ways.
Socrates taught Plato, Plato taught Aristotle, and Aristotle taught Alexander the Great. Who are you teaching? And who is teaching you? Don’t think you can do it all yourself. Consult with someone who is wise.
Today.
"Constancy is the foundation of virtues." Francis Bacon.
We rarely hear the word 'constancy' any more. And that's too bad. Because constancy is deeply connected with virtue. But wait.
We rarely hear the world 'virtue' any more, either. And that's also too bad. From the ancient Greek and Roman philosophers who thought deeply about the challenges of life and the strengths we need in order to face them well and prevail, we have some great insights regarding both virtue and constancy.
Virtues are just strengths of character, like courage. They are also habits. A patient man is a man who has the habit of patience. A courageous woman has a habit, or deep disposition, to respond to danger with bravery. No virtue is a one shot deal. Each of the great virtues requires repeated exercise, or a form of constancy, in our response to the world.
Spontaneity gets maybe too much good press. It can be a source of creativity, and adventure, and great fun, but without a foundation of virtue, even creativity can be destructive. Who wants to be around a creative sadist? And so, spontaneity has its proper place within a context of constancy, the foundation of a reliable character. Not all sameness is boring. Not all predictability is a guise of stagnation. A deep moral constancy is the basis for any good journey through this world. Think about that , and examine yourself for that constancy of soul that will give you strength. And then go boldly and virtuously forth.
Today.
Let's hear from Ralph Waldo, Quotable Quotes Guy, Emerson:
"Ideas must work through the brains and arms of good and brave men, or they are no better than dreams."
Yeah, and good and brave women, Ralph. Don't forget that.
My slogan for the big intro philosophy class I taught at Notre Dame for many years was “Ideas rock the world.” Because they do. But only through people and relationships.
My professional mantra is “Relationships rule the world.” No one ever accomplishes anything really important alone. It takes a network of friends and colleagues, collaborators and believers to make anything big happen.
We need to put these two insights together. As Plato saw, ideas are tremendously important realities, because they can lead the way into a better future. But ideas need to work through us every day in order to do their good in the world.
Do you have some dream of the future based on ideas about how things could be different? Don’t let it remain unrealized. Use your neural capacities to think out some supporting ideas - the implementation strategies you'll need. And then get into motion with arms and legs to make it happen.
You know the dream I’m talking about. Do something about it.
Today.
I've blogged a couple of times about one of my favorite companies, Frederique Constant, a remarkable maker of fine watches in Geneva, Switzerland. Their distinctiveness is what they call "Accessible Luxury" and their slogan is "Live Your Passion." In discovering more about their history and brand, I came to realize that their distinctive approach to watches parallels my own approach to wisdom. Since I left a great university position nearly twenty years ago to spread ancient wisdom across the culture and globe, I've actually been focused on what you could call "Accessible Wisdom" - not wisdom that you need a PhD to understand, or years of study in distinguished libraries to acquire, but deep and practical insight of the highest order that applies to the challenges of everyday life, and answers the questions that we all inevitably ask.
Peter and Aletta Stas, the founders of Frederique Constant, were lovers of fine watches in their early years together, and wanted to find a way to put such a luxury within the reach of more people. They understood that luxury is not at its core about inaccessibility, or elitist cost, but rather that it essentially embodies such qualities as great beauty, excellence, high functionality, comfort, and ease. With the right focus and tremendous ingenuity, they've been able to live their passion and realize their dream of including more people within the realm of high end luxury, making it more widely accessible. And they're having resounding success around the world, as a result.
Wisdom, also, is not about inaccessibility. The truth is that you don't have to be a legendary guru, or a top scholar, in order to attain and benefit from the greatest insights available for living in this world. But too often, the deepest wisdom has been treated as exactly that - as if you have to be first inaugurated into an esoteric cult, or initiated into a gnostic order of insiders who study rare documents in arcane languages, or you have to learn to speak a technical jargon far beyond the comprehension of those who have not been trained in its use, or else, unfortunately, the best of human insight can't be yours. And that, I've been determined to show for the past twenty years, is just not true.
It has indeed taken me years of formal training and decades of dedicated work, like a top Swiss watchmaker, to be able to separate truth from falsehood, and insight from illusion, in matters of human life and aspiration, where the differences can sometimes be subtle but crucial. What are our greatest insights? How can they best be applied? How do we separate mere appearance from reality? Part of the reason I'm so impressed with Frederique Constant is that they're doing for watches what I've long sought to do for wisdom. And their passion has helped me to clarify mine. On the basis of all my own hard work and study, refining my sensibilities and logical acumen to the highest degree, I'm now able to offer people accessible wisdom that they can use and enjoy, and that can enhance their lives, as it does mine, every day.
The more we can make accessible to others what we've perhaps worked so hard to achieve ourselves, the more we make our distinctive mark on the world, and we can seek to serve from the riches and blessings of our own lives, bringing these riches and blessings to others.
What are you really good at? What can you make more accessible to others? How can you do and share with passion? These are questions always worth asking.
Ask them today.
If there is any merit or importance attaching to a man’s career, if he lays himself out carefully for some special work, it is all the more necessary and advisable for him to turn his attention now and then to its plan, that is to say, the miniature sketch of its general outlines ... If he maps out important work for himself on great lines, a glance at this miniature plan of his life will, more than anything else, stimulate, rouse, and enable him, urge him on to action, and keep him from false paths. Arthur Schopenhauer
Authorities on success have recommended for decades that we all write down goals for ourselves, and that we frequently review what we’ve written. More recently, personal growth experts have suggested that individuals and families as well as businesses create mission statements to express what they see themselves here in this world to accomplish. The great nineteenth century German philosopher Schopenhauer said something interesting about the importance of laying out a big picture plan for our lives or careers. It serves to focus and refocus us amid the demands and distractions of life. It stimulates us, ennobles us, and motivates us to do what we ought to do, and helps clarify what we ought to avoid. It can act as a useful reminder of our own sense of who we are and what we should be about.
Let's go through the philosopher's list. Do you have a plan for yourself that will:
Stimulate you - Catch your interest, grab your attention, wake you up;
Rouse you - Get you excited, elicit your passion, work you up;
Enable you - Offer you guidance, help, and assistance;
Urge you on to action - Suggest what's next and get you moving;
Keep you from false paths - Help with consistency and focus?
What do you hope to accomplish? How would you like to see it happen? Take the philosopher’s advice today, if you haven’t done this already, and sketch out in miniature a big picture plan for your life or work, or even the next challenge you face. Consider it a first draft. And go back to it tomorrow for expansion or change. Then use it as an adaptable map for moving forward.
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When schemes are laid in advance, it is surprising how often the circumstances fit in with them. Sir William Osler (1849-1919)
Have you ever despaired of making plans and setting long term goals in a rapidly changing world? Long ago, I once asked my CPA how I could plan rationally for retirement. She said “Unfortunately, that’s impossible.” I now have a new accountant.
That old CPA’s worry was that things change too fast and too unpredictably to allow for reasonable advance planning. But the best plans resiliently anticipate a changing future. The best plans themselves often need to be changed and tweaked in light of what develops, and what we come to discover as we implement them. But it's amazing how often a well thought through and resilient plan will fit in with developments that could never have been anticipated with any degree of specificity or certainty. Osler was right. Circumstances will somehow fit them.
When a good plan is laid out in a rich and complex world, it can indeed sometimes surprise us how well things work out. So don’t hesistate to plan for the future. Just plan to adapt as your plan develops.
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From the ancient world, Ovid, who has been teaching us for a long time.
Endure and persist. This pain will turn to your good, by and by. Ovid
Have you been hurt, in body or soul? Is there some pain due to difficulty in your life right now? The ancient poet Ovid wants us to know that every pain can produce positive results if we respond to it properly.
We must endure and persist, he says. Persistence is a forgotten concept in our quick time culture. We do indeed want instant gratification, and we’re often strangely surprised when it isn’t forthcoming. But the ancients saw more deeply. Anything of value takes time, and persistence. The word itself comes from two Latin roots that mean, “standing through.” To persist is to stand firm through time and challenge and difficulty. To endure is to take up a purpose or set yourself a goal and stick with it, regardless of the inconvenience or pain that may come between you and it.
Endure and persist.
Enjoyment, gratitude, and even a celebratory attitude toward the small daily joys of life, along with wonder at life itself should be important parts of our experience. But so should persistent effort toward worthy goals, and the ability to endure difficulty, buttressed by the realization that any the pain we experience can be a deep opportunity for growth, and a rich source of wisdom for the future.
Your life is what your thoughts make it. Marcus Aurelius
Stoic philosopher and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius had some of his greatest insights about life while he was away from the palace and out on military campaigns. He would always stay up just late enough to reflect on the lessons of the day. Every night he'd ask: "What have I learned today?" And he’d write down the answer. Marcus seemed to believe that if you and I live life with eyes wide open, we can learn something every day. He also believed that if we don't write it down, we'll likely forget it. So he made notes on life. Sometimes just a sentence, sometimes a paragraph. Those notes went on to become one of the best selling books in all of history, The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, a book I recommend to everyone.
I think it’s metaphorically true of all of us that, like the emperor, we learn the most on the battlefields of life, out in the world struggling to accomplish something worthwhile. If more of us would adopt his habit of ending the day with a meditative reflection on what we've learned from what we've experienced, we’d all be much better philosophers and wiser adventurers in life.
In my own opinion, this wise man's greatest message for us now is simple: What's most important in life is not so much what happens to us, but how we think about what happens to us. Our inner attitudes and thoughts are ultimately most crucial for the development of our careers in this world. With the right thoughts, we can thrive and accomplish amazing things, even in the midst of trouble and challenge.
How are you thinking about your own life now? Your life is indeed in so many ways what your thoughts make it. So, see to it that you make it as great as it can be, starting from inside your own heart and mind. That's the royal path to better living. Today.
The author of the great novel, Don Quixote, Miguel de Cervantes, once wrote:
"Diligence is the mother of good fortune."
Some people just look lucky. Whatever they touch turns to gold. They meet all the right people, they have tremendous success, they appear always to be in the right place at the right time.
But Cervantes has a hint for all of us. Luck doesn’t just randomly find the same people over and over and lavish them with good things. The individuals who seem most consistently lucky tend to be people who are most consistently diligent in developing their talents and pursuing their dreams. The Oxford English Dictionary defines “diligence” as “persistent effort or work” and then as “industrious character.” In a secondary usage, from French, it can mean a public stage-coach or conveyance. That's interesting, since only diligence can reliably carry us down the road to frequent meetings with good fortune.
Cultivate diligence in all your endeavors, and get ready to enjoy the benefits of good fortune. Luck can be yours if you prepare yourself for it.
Today.
Dr. Ruth.
"I celebrate myself and sing myself." - Walt Whitman
Many years ago, I heard Dr Ruth Westheimer, America's most famous sex therapist ever, give a talk to a hundred corporation presidents and their spouses. She was hilarious. And wise. At one point, she really surprised the group by recommending to all the men that, as soon as possible, they find a full length mirror, take off all their clothes in front of it, and just stand there admiring themselves for a couple of minutes. She explained that we don’t celebrate ourselves enough.
That got quite a reaction. Hours later, I was scheduled to go out to dinner with Dr Ruth, and was to meet her at a specified time in front of the table where she was signing books for all the presidents. I had dashed down the hall to the Men’s Room, and ended up having a couple of philosophical conversations along the way, as often happens in public places, and I got to Dr. Ruth about three minutes later than scheduled. When I suddenly appeared, she made a face and pointed to her watch. I said “Sorry, Ruth, I passed a full length mirror along the way.”
I don't necessarily recommend what she advised. And in an age of ego and narcisism, we do have to be careful with Whitman's sentiment, as well. But I do believe that it's important to aproach life with a celebratory attitude and an appreciation for what we've been given, on the inside or out.
Think about the uniqueness that is you. Celebrate the being you have, whether in proximity to a reflective surface, or not. And find a new way to be thankful for all that is you.
Today.
The gem cannot be polished without friction,
nor man perfected without trials.
Confucius
Life is sometimes a strange proposition. The things we enjoy the least are often the very things that we benefit from the most. Suffering can deepen us. Difficulties can help us grow.
The philosophical individual doesn’t go looking for trouble, but has this consolation when it comes knocking. Wisdom is never to be found except through the door of experience, and it tends to greet us most often after trouble. So take this attitude toward any trial: It can be a friend in disguise. Ask yourself “What can I learn from this?” And don’t let any difficulty or temporary defeat stop your pilgrimage toward what really matters.
