Two totally different subjects have been on my mind lately, and they just came together this week. Since publishing the book Plato's Lemonade Stand I've continued to think about our many problems, our difficulties and struggles and how they often affect us. Independently, I've been thinking a lot about partnership, as seen in fiction like The Iliad, The Three Musketeers, and Dracula, to mention a few places in literature where a big problem requires the partnership of several to deal with it well. And so, here's the idea.
When a problem comes into our lives, we often react with the fight or flight response - we flee and seek to avoid it, or we do battle with it. And this is the new twist: Perhaps in some cases, we need to partner up not just with others to confront a problem but with the problem itself. Now, let's consider that metaphor.
In life there is a spectrum of relationships people stand in. On far negative side, there's Combat where we battle. One step away from that is some forms of Competition where we strive. In the neutral zone there is Co-existence where we leave each other alone. More positive is Cooperation, where we go along, not resisting but allowing and maybe at least minimally contributing. Most positive of all is Collaboration where we bring the best of who we are, what we know and what we can do into a dynamic synergistic relationship of maximal partnership with others, to give and do our best together, building jointly and mutually accomplishing what none of us could have done alone.
Think then about what it would mean to take this most positive relationship to a problem that comes your way and partner up with the problem itself. What would that mean? Well, how do we relate to true partners? We listen, learn, contribute, and humbly adjust our contributions as we get feedback, and we look to build on what our partner brings as we grow and are transformed by the collaboration.
Perhaps if we carried as much of that mindset as possible into problem situations, we'd deal with them better. A problem can teach us, if we're open and humble, and willing to learn. It can also transform us, if we bring to it those same qualities. Marcus Aurelius had the insight that sometimes in life, "the obstacle is the way." A hindrance can sometimes become a help if we approach it properly, and let it lead us to see what is really needed that we might not have anticipated without its disruption. Difficulties can bring us detours that show us what we would not have seen without them. Struggles can strengthen us. So, maybe in the end, there are three possible approaches to problems: fight, flight, and then, perhaps even a metaphorical version of friendship.
