Your Comfort Zone: Part Two

The other day I posted a challenge to the commonly heard advice that to deal with change and attain excellence, we all need to get out of our comfort zones, and keep doing that. The classic motivational advice makes a comfort zone sound like quicksand, or a dead end street. I suggested instead that the very best people in every field learn to expand their comfort zone and take it with them wherever they go. They don't leave it, they stretch it and carry it with them on any new adventure. I wanted to share an interesting conversation about this that just took place on LinkedIn.

Candice Frost, Director with the Army G2 Intelligence, reposted my thoughts and wrote: <<Insightful points made here and have me rethinking my advice on being comfortable with being uncomfortable. Tom Morris reframes how we look at this advice and instead states that experts, “created a superior and special zone of comfort in being and doing the very best in their various fields of endeavor.” He also focuses on expanding your zone of comfort. How have you grown/expanded your #comfortzone?>>

I replied: <<Hi Candice! Thanks for the kind words. Maybe the way this works is that when we're new to mastering the inner game of life, or even midway in our work on that skill set, we do have to experience discomfort now and then, and get comfortable doing that, but when we're farther down the path of our development, we bring our comfort with us wherever we go. Or to put it another way, getting comfortable with discomfort is likely a necessary stage along the way to where you ultimately want to be, always carrying your comfort zone with you as one of your more important inner possessions. So you are naturally comfortable at what makes others uncomfortable. I'm sure your advice has been great for where most people are, to get them to the next step, and that's so needed. I just like to identify what our ultimate aims are or should be for the true inner and outer excellence to which we aspire ! Let's keep philosophizing. Some of the most crucial passages in my latest book, Plato's Lemonade Stand resonate deeply with these new ideas about comfort zones. I hope you can see it!>>

Then, Sara Helfer, a Strategic Analyst at the Office of the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff weighed in, as a reply to Candice: <<Insightful and something I've been grappling with lately. What is our comfort zone versus an area of strong expertise? What is the point of diminishing returns in discomfort? That is, when is something just a bad fit? How long do you wait for something to "break in" and get comfortable? These are rhetorical - I presume everyone will have different answers to these.>>

Candice responded: <<Sara, well stated. I'm advising new intelligence professionals to understand they'll have to focus on areas where they're often ill equipped to advise/understand as a SME. That's why collaboration is so critical. Of course, when this issue arises often, you've got to get on board quick and rapidly learn.>>

I weighed in: <<Hi Sara. Great questions. To me, an “area of strong expertise” is an "outer" range of structures and processes, facts and systems, reflected in us by the relevant inner skills, knowledge, and even wisdom. Let's call that peak expertise. The comfort zone is the emotional and attitudinal proper reflection of all that. The importance of the comfort is that a peak performer isn’t nagged by discomfort, uncertainty, unease, or an obstructive self consciousness in performing his or her duties. A bad fit in a job or with a task happens when peak expertise never develops and doesn't look like it's going to, and those inner emotions and attitudes never properly grow to what they should be for the flow of top excellence. A really unfortunate situation is where there is a bad fit between person and task, but his or her emotions and attitudes of comfort, assurance, and confidence grow IMPROPERLY, and without the relevant developing expertise. As to how long it takes to develop peak expertise, or even a modicum of it, and the naturally attached emotions and attitudes, that can vary a lot with person and task.>>

I then responded to the reply Candice made to Sara: << Candice, I like what you say here. I've come to think that collaboration and partnership is crucial in mastery or any form of challenging success. I see Homer's Iliad as all about the power of partnership, when it's working and when it's not. The partnership between Agamemnon and Achilles breaking down is crucial for the story. So are all the small partnerships formed throughout the tale (Ajax, despite his immense individual strength, calls friends over in fierce fights and together they prevail). Beowulf is about what happens when you never learn to partner with others collaboratively. Aristotle actually saw the peak of human power and good (in the Politics) as - in my words summing his thoughts - "People in Parnership for a shared Purpose." And the Odyssey is all about the power of purpose! Great stuff to ponder!>>

Eric Potvin, a former CIA Special Agent, replies to the original reposting by Candice: <<Ma'am, Thanks for sharing this thought-provoking and insightful article. Tom Morris uses logic and reasoning to create a perfect argument for comfort zone expansion. There is no doubt in my mind that most people suffer from some level of "Imposter Syndrome" and the advice provided in this article will help others find comfort in their new environments. Ultimately, the application of what you know now in an environment of unfamiliarity can help overcome uncomfortable situations. When I deployed to Afghanistan for the first time, I recalled my successes in Iraq and applied the same team leadership skills and report production techniques to accomplish the mission in a completely new geographical, cultural, and altogether different environment. Until I read this article, I had not reflected upon the "how" I did that. Not to say I did it perfectly, but it was a helpful way to take what I know now and apply it to what I wanted to accomplish. Thanks again for posting!>>

Then, me to Eric: <<Eric! Very well and wisely said. Thanks for your kind words. As a philosopher, I admire a lot that goes on in the world of self-help and motivation, but often find the thinking to be imprecise and limited, as good and useful as it might be to many people. As a philosopher who loves the practical side of wisdom, I like to weigh in and try to tighten things up, perhaps provide a broader perspective, and look at some of the ultimate issues that lead to excellence. Thanks for your own reflections that resonate so well with what I've been thinking.>>

And the band plays on. To me, this epitomizes social media at its best. People from different backgrounds thinking hard together about things that matter, living Aristotle's vision of excellence. Don't you wish it were all that way?

Gilgamesh and Our Motivations

The Epic of Gilgamesh is one of my favorite books ever. It’s also the oldest epic tale we have, describing events that date back to about 2,500 years BCE.

Gilgamesh was tall, handsome, strong, smart, and the King of Uruk, a walled city-state in what is now Iraq. He was reported to be 2/3 divine and 1/3 human. He was also a pretty major malignant narcissist. As a consequence, he was a very bad king, who viewed the kingdom as his personal candy store. His position as a leader was all about getting everything he wanted at the expense of whomever had to pay. He exploited his position and his people for his own base enjoyments and personal enrichment. When we meet him, he’s not married, but he insists on always being the substitute groom who spends the wedding night with any young woman of his kingdom who is married, and then he moves on to the next special treat he plans to give himself. He wears out the young men of the kingdom in competitive games just so he can win, over and over, and continue to prove his immense superiority.

The people complain to the gods, “Help us with this guy! We can’t take it any more!” And the gods do something creative. They make him a counterpart, an equal to him in size and strength, and they initially put this man into the woods to live with the animals as their protector. While Gilgamesh is a man of the city, this new creature Enkidu is a child of the forest. Gilgamesh has experienced the height of sophistication in an urban setting that at its peak had up to 80,000 inhabitants. Enkidu as a nature boy has a mindset of simple innocence. Rumors of his existence, great strength, and exploits in saving the animals from hunters make their way to the city, and Gilgamesh is both intrigued and troubled. He has to meet this individual and perhaps once again prove his superiority over what is quickly becoming an urban legend and, in that sense, a threat to his own reputation as the strongest and greatest man alive.

Gilgamesh goes to the big religious temple in town and approaches the beautiful temple prostitute—which was apparently a well-known job in ancient times, serving to unite the world and the spirit in distinctive ways—and he asks her to go find this legendary man in the woods and use her special skills to lure him to town. She agrees and is successful. I'll elide over all the fascinating details.

To summarize: Enkidu arrives just as Gilgamesh is about to exercise his jus primae noctis (right of the first night) or, as it later came to be called, his droit du seigneur, and the wild hairy man of the forest intervenes to stop the king from this presumptuous deed. They fight violently and it’s basically a tie. Gilgamesh is very impressed. So is Enkidu. They instantly become best friends, and soon go off on adventures together. The prayers of the people have been answered. The king is no longer interested in exploiting them. He has bigger fish to fry with his new buddy. But the things the two big guys get involved in bring the wrath of the gods, and Enkidu has to die. Gilgamesh is stunned and falls into intense grief. He goes on a challenging and difficult quest to find the secret of avoiding death, any key to eternal life possible, having heard that there is one man far away who has this unique gift. In the midst of his daunting journey in a desperate search for immortality, he oddly comes across a wine bar in the middle of nowhere, and a wise barmaid named Siduri, who advises him to abandon this inevitably futile search and learn to be happy with what he has.

In one of the most beautiful and wise passages in all of literature, Siduri says:

“Gilgamesh, where are you going? You’ll never find the eternal life you seek. When the gods created man, they gave him death, and they kept life without it for themselves. Humans are born, live, and die. This is the order that’s decreed. But until your own end comes, enjoy your life. Live it in happiness and not despair. Relish your food and drink. Make each of your days a delight. Bathe and groom yourself well. Wear nice clothes that are sparkling and clean. Let music and dancing fill your house. Love the little child who holds your hand. And give your wife pleasure in your embrace. This is the way for a man to live.”

He’s unable to listen to this great advice, and continues on his mission until when it fails, as Siduri knew it would, and he returns to his city, chastened, and humbled, and perhaps ready to live as the wise woman had suggested.

It’s often been said that the two great forces in life are love and death, or the polarity of desire and fear. The Greek word ‘Eros’ is often used for the former, and ‘Thanatos’ for the latter. When the story begins, Gilgamesh is motivated by Eros, but in a bad and corrupted way. Then, with Enkidu’s death, his motivation changes. He’s moved by Thanatos, but also in a bad way. I believe the power of the story is that he discovers in the end how to be motivated by both in a constructive and positive way.

I won’t follow Freud in his famous uses of Eros and Thanatos, which I take to be the claim that we’re either motivated by a constructive creativity that moves toward unity and life, or a destructive aggression that delights in dissolution and death. I would rather see these two polarities in a different way.

The force of Eros is a pull toward life. The force of Thanatos is a push away from death. Or to put it more comprehensively:

The Pull of Eros is about embracing life, strength, pleasure, and growth.

The Push of Thanatos is about avoiding death, suffering, deprivation, and weakness.

The common human quest for money or power, status or fame can be driven by either of these forces. Gilgamesh experiences the full range of this, and for most of the story only in bad or unwise ways. Siduri recommends to him a life of proper Eros in a constructive mode. Before the death of his friend, the king had been living a life of Eros in an improper or destructive mode.

The proper mode of Eros is to bring good to others as well as yourself. The improper mode is to focus only on yourself.

When Enkidu dies and Gilgamesh is plunged into the shock and grief that results, his motivation changes. He is desperate to avoid death in his own life. But perhaps even before he met Enkidu, there was a negative motivation from the side of Thanatos in his life. The destructive mode of Thanatos, like destructive Eros, is also to focus only on yourself, but in this case in a willingness to sacrifice the good of others in order to avoid your own vulnerability to death, suffering, deprivation, and weakness.

By contrast, a proper and constructive mode of Thanatos motivation is to focus on helping others to avoid needless death, suffering, deprivation, and weakness.

Done right, the two motivations of Eros and Thanatos both can be manifestations of love. Done wrong, they’re the opposite.

Love: Care, Compassion, Nurture, and Delight: That’s what Siduri wanted Gilgamesh to learn to experience and give to others. And I think eventually he does. If there was hope for him, there may be hope for nearly anyone. It’s a story well worth your time.

For the best translation of the tale, scraped together from various clay tablets, click HERE.

Fear. And Love.

What should we think about fear? Maybe Aristotle can guide us in the way he assessed the very different, but often related, emotion of anger. He believed the value of this powerful state of mind and heart could be revealed by such questions as: Toward what or whom? In what measure? For how long? And to what end? We should probably ask the same questions about any instance of fear. When there are real dangers, fear is rational. And it can be reasonable for us to allow it sometimes to call the shots, determining our thoughts and actions at a particular moment, or in a certain fraught situation, and thus guiding our behavior then and there. But this should not be a common occurrence. And there could be a better alternative.

A courageous person never lets fear unhinge him or her and always seeks to do the right thing, regardless of any dangers that might loom and threaten. Sometimes, that means listening to fear and accepting its guidance to pause, or stop, or retreat, or avoid. There are times when it's wise to be moved by fear. But in modern life, this emotion tends to intrude into our thoughts and feelings much more often than its help is needed. Practical wisdom, or prudence, demands that we respect a wide range of values in our actions, and those values encompass proper concerns for our own health and self preservation, as well as for those we love, and even to consider and protect a positive reputation among at least the wise in our communities. But fear is often a bully in its warnings that we may lose what we value, and is as subtle as any insidious force can be.

Fear has a thousand faces. It quite often presents itself as something other than what it is—as perhaps a common sense and reasonable desire for safety, or security, or comfort, or simply for what's known, as distinct from what might be clearly uncertain and unknown. It can make itself look like altruism, or moderation, or sheer rationality, and even when it's the polar opposite of these things.

I've let fear influence my choices far too often in life. But I never recognized it at the time. I was a master of self-deception. And, whether I know you well or not, I can imagine that you are, too. We all have this unfortunate skill. We can rationalize almost anything. And the smarter we are, the more convincing we can be, not only to others, but to ourselves. We allow fear to mask itself as a proper concern for another person, or as the voice of reason, when it's not that at all. And we need to learn the form of discernment, a component of wisdom that allows us to spot our emotions and motivations for what they are, rather than being moved around by what they appear to be. It's almost as if negative emotions can be illusionist shape-shifters and masters of disguise. Part of the Platonic program of stripping away illusions and getting beyond appearances means unmasking them and refusing them illegitimate power.

Fear can present itself as any reasonable person's primary concern. After all, what's more important than survival, it asks us. Well, perhaps a lot. I've come to see fear as being, at best, a rare and secondary motivator along the course of an imperfect life. Yes, it can be helpful. And for that we should thank it. By I now refuse to allow it to call the shots as often as it would like. I'll feel its cousin anxiety arise within me, but nowadays I'll spot it, and question its validity in the moment or the situation, and dismiss it from my heart and mind when it's counterproductive, or in other ways uncalled for. I hope you will, too.

Salespeople are trained in some organizations to act on the fact that most people are much more motivated by a fear of loss than by a desire of gain. And I have a corresponding suggestion: We should not be among those fearful people, and thus, by our own independence, diminish their numbers. No one has ever attained excellence or greatness by following a path of fear. No one ever made his or her best contribution to the world from a place of fear.

It's often been said: Two forces motivate us—love and fear. I recommend love. It's a vastly better guide, overall, than fear. It can give us the true safety that fear always pretends to care about, and yet without the illusions, constraints and deceptions of fear. Love, understood properly and done right, should be our prime mover and most consulted guide.

I think of love here in the deepest spiritual sense, and very differently from the popular understanding—not as an emotion at its core, but as a perspective and commitment to certain positive values, and to the good of all souls. Love is, on this perspective, the main application of wisdom, which is both love's fount and guide. If you value the right things, and embrace those values properly, if you have the right perspectives and insights, you don't need the goad of visceral emotions like fear or anger to motivate proper action. Love wins over all.

On this view, fear is merely a substitute motivator for those who have not fully developed love. And the tug of this pretender can misfire frequently and actually keep us away from the path of what we ought to do. Sometimes, the visceral electric shock of the snake at your feet or the sound in the night simply prevents the right exercise of the mind and the quick action you need. That's why the quintessential hero has a calm mind and a good heart. She does what needs to be done not from fear but love.

And in the end, I think that the deepest spiritual love is a mark of true courage. That's why we hesitate ever to attribute this virtue to suicide bombers or any terrorists, despite the actions that intentionally take them to danger and death. Their fanaticism may mimic courage and produce a counterfeit that's convincing in the minds of their fellow fanatics, but that's because they fail to understand the nature of genuine courage, by their blindness to true love. Any of us, in lesser ways, can make the same mistake. Love puts fear in its proper place. And as the Gospel says, perfect love casts out fear. When love is perfected, this alternative motivator is not needed in any way. It’s left behind. And this is a state of being for us all to hope for and to seek to attain.

Friendly Encouragement

How often are we tempted to pressure people to get better at what they're doing? How much do we actually do it? Maybe we push. Or we pull. We criticize and lay down the law. We demand. Some of us may even threaten. Well, not me. And, likely, not you. But it's too common, isn't it?

We want to get better, ourselves. We want to grow. And we want our kids, and our colleagues, and our employees, to get better, as well. But can we push and pull and force it?

Consider a garden. The plants aren't growing fast enough for you. You're wanting more. What are you going to do, grab them and pull? That's obviously not going to work. And it won't with people, either.

People grow best with friendly encouragement and guidance.

Yeah, I know. There are some people who don't respond to friendly encouragement or guidance. So why do you have anything to do with them? Move on. Or move them on.

Friendly encouragement is one of the best things we can give good people.

So: Encourage someone today. Help them fly higher.

A New World Order

We live in a world order that seems to have come to us out of prehistory. It's in the air we breathe - along with a lot of other stuff that's been produced by it. It's the motivational structure behind what most people do, most of the time. It's a world order that's all about position, power, and possessions. It's been responsible for most of the achievements, discoveries, and inventions throughout human history. But it's a recipe for resentment, aggression, and conflict. It's a zero sum mindset - those who want more have to take from others, who end up with less.

An old friend from college, Ed Brenegar, recently visited for part of a day, on a pilgrimage to see several east coast friends before he moves soon from Asheville, NC to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. We sat and talked for hours about philosophy, life, and the spirit. We reflected on this old world order of position, power, and possessions that's beginning to look spiritually threadbare and not merely problematic, but actually self destructive over the long run. And we ruminated on what would be a better alternative - a spiritual vision of creativity, contribution, and service where our aspirations are guided more by love and compassion than by lust and acquisition. We wondered together if we're in a time of transition from one to the other, or whether a better world order of care and concern is just a dream.

What motivates you? Is it just a desire for position, power, or possessions? Or is it something more, something deeper and more lasting? There is something better for us, something calling out to us that will not at all diminish our drive to create and improve, but will put it onto better foundations. There is, of course, nothing wrong with position, power, and possessions. They're all great things, if used well. But they should never be the sole motivating forces in our lives, or the metrics by which we measure value. There is, indeed, something more.

Motivational Speakers

On several occasions, after being in one of my audiences, someone has said to me, "I've always hated motivational speakers." That's an interesting remark for me to hear, since I'm often described as a motivational speaker.

Fortunately, the next sentence, on each occasion, has been something like: "But this, I really, truly enjoyed." And then, some version of an explanation has followed: "This was the real thing, today - the real stuff, not just fluff."

One Harvard educated PBS producer, after telling me how much he dreaded being dragged to see a motivational talk, said to me, with great enthusiasm, "But this, I couldn't believe, it was so good. You dug deep into human nature. You nailed all the real stuff. This was genuine philosophy, not just empty cheerleading. I mean, it was inspirational and uplifting because it wasn't just a lot of hype. It was deep truth, presented simply, logically, and with a lot of fun." He didn't hold it against me that I was a Yale guy. 

I was relieved, and grateful for the positive words. But, hey, we all need a little cheerleading now and then. "Come on. You can do it. Head high. Just believe. Aim for the stars. Etc." But at other times, we do need much more. We need to understand the leverage points in human nature for making things happen. And ever since there have been written documents, wise people have put into writing what they discerned about those deep wells and resources we all have. Or, sometimes, their students have recorded their remarks, when they were not writers themselves, like Socrates, and Epictetus, the Buddha, and Jesus of Nazareth.

We benefit when we hear or read "the real stuff, not just fluff." The truth is exciting enough to give us hope and inspire us to move forward productively in our lives and our work. We don't need revved up hype to pump us up.

Some motivational speakers are indeed like parrots of fluff - human tape recorders of clever phrases ending with exclamation points. A few, sadly, are charlatans concerned only about their own success, not yours or mine. Some, unfortunately - and I say this as charitably as possible, and without feeling at all judgmental, but you likely know what I mean - are deluded careless thinkers. Sorry, but it's true. And some are wise, loving, and helpful guides to the heights of what we're capable of accomplishing and experiencing in this world, because they're grounded deeply in truth, and are motivated by love.

Brian Johnson, founder and proprietor of Entheos has a nice concept for the concerns of the wisest throughout history: Optimal Living. Anyone who can help us to that deserves our attention. And I include in that crowd such eminences as Aristotle, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Gautama Buddha, Confucius, Lao Tsu, Rumi, Hadrat Ali, Emerson, and even some much less celebrated people alive in our day.

In motivational matters, as in life, the adage holds true: Let the buyer/listener/reader beware. But if we're discerning, and follow the genuine breadcrumbs of wisdom left for us throughout the ages, we can indeed prosper and succeed, finding fulfillment and happiness along the way. Then, we become wisely motivated achievers of optimal living.

Success Envy

"The world envies success." Thus spake Barbara Streisand, as quoted in the Sunday New York Times.

Is that true? It may well be. In any case, let's suppose it is. Then we have the question: Why?

Well, for one thing, I've seen far too many people pursue success in what becomes an almost totally selfish way - presenting the specter of one small ego ludicrously inflating itself and fighting hard to rise above all others, who are often either doing the same, or keeping busy resenting those who are. An old Hindu proverb says, "True nobility consists not in being better than some other man, but in being better than your previous self." From a deeper perspective, success isn't about beating others. It's about developing yourself.

An Australian once told me that, in her culture, people resented stand-out success, almost always seeing it as an unfortunate and unseemly assertion of the self over others. But could Streisand be right that it's ultimately envy that underlies even such resentment?

I've come to believe that we're all born to flourish and succeed, with our own talents, in our own ways, and on whatever stage is right for us. That success could look very small from the world's point of view, or large. But consider the possibility that any such appearances that seem to equate size with importance are just wrong. When we unconsciously believe that bigger is always better, and judge size by physical parameters such as money, fame, and power, then we put ourselves into a position where unnecessary and inappropriate envy can indeed arise.

Consider the possibility that common standards of success are just crude measures that sometimes manage to mark real achievement and life impact, but that also just as often miss the heart of the matter altogether. A humble person with a small life may be a huge success in things that really matter. And perhaps that's the sort of success that should be envied.

Are you making the positive difference that you're here to make? Don't waste your time worrying about whether your current form of success is big enough by the standards of the culture around you. Just be concerned about whether it's right for you. And if you're not yet where you truly want to be, you'll have a clearer sense of the direction you need to move in.

Know yourself. Know your proper form of success. And work toward it with a mindset that allows others their own suitable forms, however different, and without resentment or misplaced envy.

Today.

The Schopenhauer Plan and You

If there is any merit or importance attaching to a man’s career, if he lays himself out carefully for some special work, it is all the more necessary and advisable for him to turn his attention now and then to its plan, that is to say, the miniature sketch of its general outlines ... If he maps out important work for himself on great lines, a glance at this miniature plan of his life will, more than anything else, stimulate, rouse, and enable him, urge him on to action, and keep him from false paths.  Arthur Schopenhauer

Authorities on success have recommended for decades that we all write down goals for ourselves, and that we frequently review what we’ve written. More recently, personal growth experts have suggested that individuals and families as well as businesses create mission statements to express what they see themselves here in this world to accomplish. The great nineteenth century German philosopher Schopenhauer said something interesting about the importance of laying out a big picture plan for our lives or careers. It serves to focus and refocus us amid the demands and distractions of life.  It stimulates us, ennobles us, and motivates us to do what we ought to do, and helps clarify what we ought to avoid. It can act as a useful reminder of our own sense of who we are and what we should be about.

Let's go through the philosopher's list. Do you have a plan for yourself that will:

Stimulate you - Catch your interest, grab your attention, wake you up;

Rouse you - Get you excited, elicit your passion, work you up;

Enable you - Offer you guidance, help, and assistance;

Urge you on to action - Suggest what's next and get you moving;

Keep you from false paths - Help with consistency and focus?

What do you hope to accomplish? How would you like to see it happen? Take the philosopher’s advice today, if you haven’t done this already, and sketch out in miniature a big picture plan for your life or work, or even the next challenge you face. Consider it a first draft. And go back to it tomorrow for expansion or change. Then use it as an adaptable map for moving forward.

The Two Great Motivators

There are two great motivators, love and fear. Fear narrows us and holds us down. Love broadens us and lifts us up.

Which will you choose today?

Choose well.

Machiavelli, in his famous book The Prince, by the way, got it all wrong. He said that we're ruled by love or fear, and that love is too fickle, so we should motivate through fear. Fear is a Max-Minimizer: People motivated by fear figure out the least they can do in order to still avoid the feared consequence (not engaging in the very least or minimum they might do, but rather the maximal level the minimum has to rise to in order to avoid punishiment). They never do their best, or become their best. People motivated by love connect what they do to their deepest values and highest aspirations and, as a result, soar.

In another book, Machiavelli got it right, but it's a book no one reads, The Discourses. He said, "Mercenaries never make the best soldiers." Why? He doesn't explicitly spell it out. But by the context you can tell. What motivates mercenaries? Money. What motivates the very best soldiers? Love. Love of country, family, city, comrades, and even, traditionally, a love of honor.

But Machiavelli never fully understood what makes everyone, not just soldiers, their best. When we're motivated by love, we maximize our efforts to learn and grow and do well. We become more. And we accomplish what we never could have attained and sustained through fear.

So, as you can see, I recommend love. It may not be all you need, but it's the main thing, for sure.