Urgent Valentine Advice

Guys, this is for you. Ladies, please pass it on to any significant other or clueless man you think could use it. Quickly.

I decided in the early days of knowing my wife that I'd have a theme for the special Valentine's Day gifts I'd buy her every year. My theme would be Red. I'd get her something red for this special celebration each time around. That was it. Very simple. And, themes are good, right?

There's always a red enamel bracelet to be found, or a cute red T shirt or sweater. Red shoes are nice. A ruby anything is always appreciated. A bright red Prada bag can be a hit, as I discovered one year by sheer luck. And, yeah, sports cars do come in that color, too. But let's not get carried away. 

I'm writing to you today for a very important reason. Over the years, I have learned something vital about gifts appropriate to the occasion.

You can't always go with your first instincts on these things, as I've found out the hard way. Not every red gift works. The bright red Swiss Army Knife didn't quite cut it, after all, as I had imagined it would. I ended up explaining at great length all the cool things she could do with it - other than stabbing me, of course. And I hate to even mention this - I suppose I should promise I'm not kidding - but the novelty store wind-up chattering white teeth with very red plastic lips and gums didn't evoke quite the level and warmth of unrestrained merriment that I was aiming for, either.

Rule One. Think this thing through in advance.

Rule Two: If the gift will take ANY AMOUNT OF EXPLAINING, get another one. The romance holiday of the year is not a good time for explaining - an activity most of us engage in mainly when we're in trouble and something has gone badly wrong.

Rule Three: If you're even thinking about a funny gift, examine all facets of the potential humor or lack thereof. Again, this might not be the occasion for bold risk taking of this particular sort. It can work, but tread carefully.

My ultimate lesson about all this was the year I thought I was really showing ultimate love and concern by getting my wife something for her safety in the kitchen. Again, gentlemen: Take Note.

Rule Four: Kitchen gifts are not generally ideal for Valentine's Day. It's maybe not the right message, regardless of your sterling intentions. A older friend bought his wife what he thought was a super nice personal gift - the very best, top of the line frying pan he could find, with no expense spared. And, as he later reported to me, "She cried a lot, but not in a good way."

If you even consider anything practical, you might want to get a really nice card instead. And champagne. Or a nice Spanish Cava. Otherwise, you're in danger of entering the territory of Platonic Love, and I'm guessing that's not the philosophical consequence you want on this particular day.

My ultimate lesson came about as a result of what I thought was incredible creativity on my part. I bought my wife a bright red fire extinguisher for kitchen use - to show, as I've mentioned, my love and concern for her safety. And I have to tell you, it put out the fire in ways I had not anticipated. Honestly, it never occurred to me that this particular gift might be taken as a commentary on her culinary skills, which are, I should add, exceptionally excellent.

Please let me repeat myself on this one. It's not a day to go for practical. And in relation to this particular holiday, forget that you even have a kitchen unless YOU plan to cook in it and clean up perfectly afterwards.

It's not too late to take back that well intentioned practical item you've already gotten that even monumental explaining won't make work.

Remember, my friends: It's all about showing love in a way that your special person will immediately see as a show of love, and one that's not about you or what you love.

And, now that I say this, maybe I need to go back and do a little more shopping.

Happy Love Day in Advance.

Philosophical Tools

What is a tool? At the simplest level, it's some sort of object or item that helps us to extend our natural powers and accomplish something that we otherwise could not do, or at least could not achieve with the same ease, or speed, or safety that the tool, well used, can provide. A hammer. A screwdriver. A saw. A knife. A wrench. These are, of course, obvious examples. Other suggestions could be: A laptop. A smart phone. A bicycle. A car. A business. An organization of any sort. But there are other tools that are, perhaps, the most important of all for getting things done.

I'm apparently a rare type of philosopher, at least, these days. My job is to discover and create intellectual tools that people can use to improve their businesses and their lives. My specialty is that I'm a provider of philosophical tools for excellence. When you're working on a project around the house, you need the right tools to get the job done well. The same is true more generally of work and your personal life. You need the right tools for whatever job you face. A philosophical tool is just an idea or set of ideas that will help you to think, feel, and act in more productive and healthy ways, in whatever you're doing. 

When I speak on success, I provide a toolkit drawn from the great practical philosophers of the past, a framework of ideas that I call "The 7 Cs of Success." When I talk about great teamwork, strong organizations, and customer loyalty, I bring people an additional toolkit that I call "The Four Foundations of Excellence." If I'm asked to help a company, or the members of an industry association, deal with difficult change, I bring them another toolkit - "The 3 Arts of Change." In every case, I'm putting into people's hands, or minds, tools that they can use to extend their natural powers and accomplish something they might not otherwise be able to do, or at least could not achieve with the same ease, or speed, or safety. And that's what makes my work so satisfying. I'm in the business of helping people to obtain and use the tools of excellence.

What philosophical tools do you use at work and in life? They should be well designed, finely calibrated, and durable. I hope you have some good ones that you use on a regular basis. If not, keep reading these blogs. I'll be describing great new tools, and some useful ancient ones, now and then.

If you're in a leadership position, consider this: What tools are your team members, or the people in your company, overall, using? Are they of high quality? Does everyone have the same access to the toolbox? Those factors are vital for maximal results.

For more on the tools I have mentioned, consult the Talks page on www.TomVMorris.com, or the Books page, where you can click to gain access to any of these ideas you haven't already come across. And check back. I'm always on the hunt for a new tool that will work for me, and for you!

The Blowtorch Mistake

Don't use a blowtorch to light your cigar. You know the problem. It's the same as swatting a fly with a sledgehammer. I prefer to open the door and let it out. But that's another issue. The problem I want to focus on now is that of using the wrong tool for a job, and one that's far too sweeping or powerful for the precise need you have.

Consider the common problem of anxiety. Any focused form of anxiety typically arises out of a belief or expectation that one or more of our desires will not be satisfied. You want to get the deal or ace the exam and you're afraid you won't. You hope to win the new client or get a standing ovation, and worry that you'll fail. 

We aim for something high, and fear the world may give us only something low. That's what I like to call the disappointment gap. It's possible that what happens will be greatly disappointing. So we get nervous or grow anxious.

Some extremist philosophers historically have said, "Shed all your beliefs, and you'll shed your anxiety." Others haver counseled, "Get rid of all desires, and you'll get rid of your anxiety." But either of those strategies is lighting your cigar with a blowtorch. It's not necessary. It's going too far. And it's dangerous in its own way.

The middle path is simpler. I think you're in trouble if you believe too much or believe too little. I'm convinced that it's a problem if you desire too much or desire too little. The key is having the right beliefs and the right desires, and using your mind properly in your governance of your beliefs, your desires, and your actions. That advice won't fit easily onto a bumper sticker. But neither will your life.

And the more general advice here is in fact simple. Use the right tool for the right job. And you can slap that one on the bumper with so much glue that it will take a blowtorch to get it off.

A General Observation on Self Knowledge

I was talking to a United States Army general the other night, very late. Two stars. He was an impressive individual. And the fact that our conversation was taking place within the environment of a dream didn't detract in the least from its impact. I've met several generals in waking life, and they've always been interesting people. This gentleman was no different.

I remember vividly that he said to me, "I don't go in for a lot of self-examination. There's no time."

That gave me a chance to present my own view that in the opinion of most philosophers I know, or have studied, self examination is not some leisurely activity carried out over long stretches of time within the echo chamber of your mind, as you sit silently and ask yourself about yourself, analyzing the answers and probing deeper. It's mostly about awareness as you decide and act.

No one gets to know himself or herself well just by sitting alone in a room and pondering. That's not a snapshot that typically captures well who you are. It's life in the field that's the proper classroom for self examination and self knowledge. What mattered so much to Socrates is that we not let ourselves get by with prejudices, sloppy thinking, or vague assumptions as we dash through life. If you find yourself thinking you have no time to question yourself, then contemplate how much time you have to make big mistakes - sometimes huge ones - due to any unexamined tendencies, beliefs, or feelings that you might think you prefer not to know about.

You don't need to take a retreat from the fray in order to engage in the philosophical procedure of self examination. You just have to experience moments, or bursts, of self reflective awareness punctuating your active life. There's even a level of such awareness that can accompany most activities, at least much of the time. And such an alertness to our own conduct can yield great results. We can take note of our tendencies, remembering our strengths and weaknesses, as well as any limitation we discover that may or may not be a weakness. Self examination when done properly positions us to be better team members, and much better leaders.

A leader without self knowledge sits in command of a rudderless boat.

Everyone has the time for self examination and self knowledge. That's my general observation for the day. At ease.

The Power of Kindness

In a world of bristling egos, kindness can sometimes seem as quaint as it is rare. We're in a hurry, and have to get things done. We confront obstacles, irritants, and demands. There's little time to pause and recognize a need and then go to the trouble of treating someone else kindly. As I've heard it asked, recently: "Who's got the bandwidth for that?"

We all do. And we ignore kindness to our own detriment. Whether you believe it's a quality that reflects our Creator, or you think it's a strange and wonderful anomaly in a universe of particles and energies, if you look deeply enough, you can see that it's a nearly magical elixir for great relationships and inner peace.

Do you want to get a lot done? Do you even aspire to the excellent, the exceptional, the extraordinary? Surround yourself with great people. And treat them with justice, fairness, and kindness. Truly great people will do the same thing, themselves. And your work together will flourish.

Kindness is the extra, supererogatory "beyond" - an overflow of goodness that takes place beyond the demands of duty, and occurs only as a manifestation of love. It plants the seeds of great relationships and then nurtures them into a full flowering. It resonates in the heart.

When you contrast the soul of an irate or callous individual with that of a person filled with kindness, you find a clash and disparity no greater than which can be conceived.

And here's a secret. Kindness toward others is, perhaps, the greatest form of kindness toward yourself. When peace is given, it grows within. When love is given, it grows within. The small kindnesses of life obey a mathematics not imagined by the unjust and surly among us. Their consequences multiply beyond any reasonable expectation. Those often quiet actions make for great business teams, sports organizations, schools, neighborhoods, and families. They are a hidden source of excellence in all our endeavors.

Kindness has power. And as one of Shakespeare's characters says about mercy, it's always twice blessed - it blesses him that gives and him that takes. And the great surprise is this. The more you give, the more then is given for you to take. That's the power of kindness.

The Secret of Time Management

One of the greatest challenges in life is to manage our time well. And we can’t do that unless we manage our emotions well. That, in turn, requires managing our thoughts. 

Most people seem to assume that our thoughts and emotions just come to us, and we have no control over them. But the truth is that we can have great control over them. And yet, like many things, mental and emotional self control is an art, a skilled activity. We get better at it by practicing it. Conversely, if we don't practice it, we won't be very good at it. And we'll find that we're often wasting our time.

When we govern our thoughts properly, that allows us to do the same with our emotions. And since philosophers and psychologists have long understood that it’s mostly our emotions that cause us to make our decisions, choosing this activity rather than that one, saying yes to this and no to that, then governing our emotions well allows us to govern our time well. 

The busier you get, the more you realize the importance of this.

Emotional Sunburn

When a small problem comes along and makes a grab for your emotions, do you give it power or refuse it power? 

Many people walk around with the emotional version of severely sunburned skin - contact with almost anything will cause them upset, distress, or even pain. They're always getting worked up about little things, except that if you asked them, they wouldn't ever acknowledge that any of their problems is little. "What are you talking about? This is HUGE!" Such a person manufactures drama out of whatever is available, while actually thinking that it's other people who are causing it.

There is a better way to live. You can rise above the fray, keep calm, and stick to the high road. It's up to you. With the right mindset, you can utterly ignore what others see as slights, insults, provocations, schemes, and even threats. With the right way of thinking, you don't give little irritants the power to bother you. It's all about perspective, and a measure of inner peace.

As the stoics taught us, it's always up to us how we interpret the world. We can blame external events for how we feel, but it's in every case our own opinions about those events that are to blame.

Your world isn't responsible for your feelings. Change your mind, and you change your world, in just the right way as to free your emotional life for truly bigger and better things.

Take a deep breath. Smile. Release the initial worry or irritation or anger. Rise above it. It's in your power. And it's the only way to prevent that sunburn.

A Lesson From American Idol

The other night, I was watching the first round of American Idol auditions in Hollywood. Yeah, philosophers have to take some time off, too, like everybody else. And one thing was clear from the segment. No amount of talent will show through clearly if jangled nerves get in the way. People who had been great in local auditions were close to choking in Hollywood. They forgot the words, or wandered off pitch. Some looked horrified just to be on stage. And there they were, chasing their dream, with a real chance to see it come true - if they could perform at their best. And many couldn't. The judges actually pointed out the problem. Everyone was too much on edge. They needed to shed the dread and relax a bit.

And here's the irony. We get nervous because we care. But because we care, we have to release the anxiety and learn how to have fun doing the job.

Long ago, before walking onto a stage in front of a hundred or a thousand people, or often a great many more, I would feel my heart rate increase and I'd say to myself, "Oh. I'm getting nervous." Then, one day, I learned to say instead, "Ok. I'm getting ready." The first interpretation of what I was feeling always concerned me and made things worse. The new interpretation will always boost me and makes things better. 

So when you're about to do something you really care about, try what I do. Don't get nervous. Get ready.

Worst Case Scenario Thinking

Worst case scenario thinking is healthy, worst case scenario believing is not. And there's an important difference. Prudence in life requires that we understand the ways in which things could go wrong, and have some idea as to what we would do if they did. That's worst case scenario thinking. We imagine various negative scenarios enough to prepare for them, but no more than that. Too much imagination can actually become anticipation, and that easily can turn into belief.

When I was a teenager, my father used to tell me stories about effective worst case scenario thinking. A dump truck driver had imagined what would happen if the bed of the truck was in the up position and there was a catastrophic failure causing it to fall onto the cab. He had visualized jumping into the floorboard to keep from being crushed. And then one day it happened. And he was unhurt, because he instantly had done exactly what he had imagined.

At its best, worst case scenario thinking is a form of "what if" planning. It prepares us for remote possibilities, and thereby helps us to avoid the most damaging consequences that could otherwise ensue. As such, it's actually a way of building confidence and assurance, rather than anxiety. But at its worst, the same sort of thinking can become both believing and fearing. Out of control, it unhinges us and impedes our performance. It's up to use to use it in the best way, and avoid the worst case scenario with it.

Passion and Performance

Passion drives performance like nothing else, in business, and in life. What do you care about most deeply? What enlivens you? What awakens you? What form of work or service feels like play? What gives you a sense of mission or purpose? That's what you need to be doing. It's tough in life to settle for anything less.

Yeah, I know that the cynics will reply, "Passion can't pay the bills." And passionate mediocrity is just bad on a bigger scale. Sometimes, our greatest loves have to be hobbies. I get it. We all have limitations, commitments, and various other realities to deal with. But a truth still stands. When you can pick your passion as your primary purpose, you can often fly high.

This week I've written once before about a really nice book I've been reading, The Work: My Search for a Life That Matters, by Wes Moore. Today, I want to quote him again. On page 120, he writes:

One thing I began to realize in my travels was that everyone I met who was truly successful - whether in business, in philanthropic work,  in human rights, in government, or in raising a family - shared one common trait: they were fanatically passionate about the work they did. They breathed it. They needed it. It was their lifeblood.

He then goes on to challenge us:

Really, think about it: name one person in your own life who fits the description of unassailable success who is not driven by that kind of clarifying passion.

I'm not sure I would have used the word 'fanatical' but, that caveat aside, I agree wholeheartedly with what Moore says here. Tremendous passion tends to drive tremendous results. In the 1600s, Blaise Pascal wrote, "The heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing." The heart, the core of our emotion, and passion, the metaphorical organ of enthusiasm and positive energy, has reasons and powers that intellect alone can't match.

The more heart we can bring to our work, the more passion and commitment and enthusiasm, the more likely we'll make that work into a masterpiece of service, or performance, and a real gift to those around us. Why should we settle for anything less?

Adversity. The Spice of Life.

Adversity. It's the spice of life.

That's a quote from the amazing film Haute Cuisine, as spoken by an elderly president of France, to his cook, at least as I remember it. If you haven't seen this little cinematic masterpiece of excellence, it's on Netflix streaming. It's a inspiring portrait of someone who really cares about what she's doing, and works as an artist. The observation about life from which we begin today was spoken to her as comforting advice when she confessed to having big troubles with government officials who suddenly stepped in, interfered with her work and insisted on cost savings, low calories, and no rich sauces for her boss.

Adversity. The Spice of Life. What does spice do? Well, it imparts flavor, interest, and sometimes even a gustatory version of drama. How gripping would life be without trouble, difficulty, and seemingly impossible obstacles? How many great tales could have the form "I tried a new path, and everything went just fine"? What would film, literature, or life be without conflict and challenge?

A life without adversity. It might be nice, for even a very long time, but it couldn't be heroic or adventurous or exciting. It would end up as a big yawn. Trouble challenges us. It forces us to be creative, persistent, and brave. It strengthens us. The worst pain I've ever experienced was at the same time an existential jolt of enlightenment that built my overall life confidence like nothing else ever had.

You win when you can smile at adversity, and even on occasion laugh in its face. You prevail when you can use it for your own growth, wisdom, and accomplishments. It's all about the right attitude and the right action. That's the standard philosophical formula. 

Take on the right attitude. Take the right action. The spice makes all the difference.

In proper measure, a dash of adversity may indeed be the energizing spice that enhances all the flavors of life. Bon Appetite!

A Slow Start. A Pause. An Improbability.

Some people come into the world like they've been shot out of a cannon. The rest of us, not so much. Some of us are slow starters. It takes us a while to find our path and to get moving along it. And many of us can find ourselves, after a vivid beginning, in an extended time of pause, where our forward momentum seems diminished, or even gone, and we appear stuck. Many of us struggle, to apparently no avail, and come to view any sort of qualitatively different, and better, future as a sadly immense improbability.

But we have to remember how many slow starters and late bloomers have gone on to tremendous success. It's amazing how often a long pause in life's journey has been the prelude to something great. And, ironically, it's astonishing how much the improbable actually happens, all the time, confounding everyone's expectations.

A book review in a recent Sunday New York Times, tells of a young man who wanted to be an artist, and who ended up, in his twenties, in a psychiatric asylum, which did not exactly bode well for his future. And then, when he was released, he seemed to have absolutely no prospects at all. To quote the reviewer:

"A 30-year-old with no money, no job, and no plan, van Gogh retreats to his parents' home."

Yeah. Vincent van Gogh. And the rest, as we love to say, is history.

There are countless such stories in our past. There will be just as many in our future, or more. So, if you feel that you're off to a slow start, in a job, or in life, or you think that destiny has hit the pause button on your career, or for your life, keep hope alive, keep believing, and keep your eyes wide open, looking for the next development that can make all the difference.

Your Starry Night, and next brightly sunlit day, may be just around the corner.

Stoic Joy. Natural Joy.

In preparation for a trip across the country not long ago, I did something I rarely do: I took one of my own books along to read. It was The Stoic Art of Living: Inner Resilience and Outer Results. It was published ten years ago, and I had not re read it since the early days after it first appeared on bookstore shelves. I tried to approach it objectively, as I would any book. And I have to admit that I really enjoyed it! I had forgotten various little discoveries I had made when I first wrote the original draft of the book, going back almost twenty years. The top three Roman stoics, the slave Epictetus, the prominent lawyer Seneca, and Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius had great and practical insights about life that can tremendously enhance our experience of the world today. Their wisdom, at its best, will never go out of style.

The stoics had many perspectives that can help us. Inner resilience is the best path for outer results. Things are not often what they seem. Most of our difficulties come not from the world, but from how we think about things in the world. Nothing can truly harm a good person. By changing our thoughts, we can change our lives. Nothing is to be feared. And I could go on. But, to me, perhaps chief among their insights was the claim that joy is our natural state.

Think about that for a second. Joy is our natural state. If any stoic philosopher was right in thinking this, then either you are experiencing joy right now, or there is some unnatural, unnecessary obstacle in your life blocking that joy, and it's an obstacle you can remove.

If you are, right now, in a state of joy, congratulations. If you aren't, then you should be asking yourself what's getting in the way. What's blocking you from the state of mind that should be your natural default setting? The possibilities are many. And you can't do anything about the ones operative in your life right now until you can identify them. The stoics were confident that, whatever the obstacles might be, you can eliminate them through controlling your emotions, and in turn, you can do that by controlling your thoughts. It's just that simple.

The stoics were philosophers who wanted to help us peel back the worry and anger, the suffering and agitation, the distraction and confusion that too often rules our lives, and get back to the natural state of joy. When we experience that natural joy, we flow forward with all the power that we're meant to have in this life. And that's the power, in the deepest sense, of love.

What's keeping us from it?

The Urge and the Pause

What makes you eat that extra burger, get that additional serving, have just one more drink, and maybe at least half a one after that? What pulls the trigger on that negative comment or angry outburst in response to what strikes you as idiocy, or as an insulting remark? What moves us to do almost anything that we later regret?

There's an urge, an insistent urge, and we act on it. Or, to use another helpful metaphor, there's a big itch, and we scratch it. In her practical little book on change, Taking the Leap: Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears, the American Buddhist nun Pema Chodron, passes on some useful advice. Consider poison ivy. When we have it and scratch, we spread the problem. We end up itching even more. And that most often results in even more scratching, and an even bigger problem. Great metaphor.

The meditative approach that she recommends instead is to pause, notice the itch, feel it fully, live with it, and refrain from reacting quickly and naturally by scratching. It's often more helpful to consider the itch than to obey it. You might ask yourself why the itch is there. You might remind yourself what will happen, as it always does, if you scratch, as you normally do. How will you look back on the scratching tomorrow? The intense urgency of the urge is always a passing thing. Resist for thirty seconds, or a minute, and the battle is won.

Scratch it now and you'll have to fight a bigger battle later. Now is always the time to pause, and consider, and learn to feel, before giving in to the urge that never makes things better, but worse.

Small pauses can solve big problems, and help to erase long term habits. When we use our minds properly, we can defeat what may long have defeated us. What we need is a new urge - to pause.

Running the Race Well

I just came across an old image. Life is like a relay race. So is your work. Someone has passed a baton to you. And you're now running with it. At some point, you'll pass it on to someone else. As you run, you should reflect on at least these considerations:

1. The person who gave you the baton - Who was it? What do you owe him or her, as a result of the gift of that baton? What responsibility has been passed on to you with it?

2. The person you'll eventually give the baton - Who will it be? Do you know? Do you care? Are you selecting a proper recipient, even now? What do you owe that person? What responsibility do you have to him or her? What duty, or possibility, or momentum, will you pass on?

3. On a deeper level, is this the right race for you? When you pass off the baton, should you then find a different race, or a different track?

To run the race of your life or work well is to take care of these things. And, while you hold the baton, you move forward as well as you can, and you uphold the process at its best.

That's running the race well.

Create an Extraordinary Life

Create an Extraordinary Life. That's the motto of the Morehead-Cain Foundation, the people who sent me to college. And it's piece of advice that each of us should heed.

No one in my family background, so far as I could tell, had ever been to college. My relatives were mechanics, truck drivers, and farmers who went to work, or served their country in the military, right out of high school. When I was a senior at Durham High, my mother told me there was no money for college. Then, out of the blue, or to be more precise, the Carolina Blue, I was nominated for what at the time was called a Morehead Scholarship, now a Morehead-Cain. After writing an application and going to three interviews, they told me I would have a completely free education at The University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill. I soon learned that I also had a magic ticket to meet all the best people, work with the top professors, and follow my instincts wherever they might lead. The scholarship was a doorway, and a long red carpet, that would guide me to an extraordinary life.

I love the way the Oxford English Dictionary defines the word ‘extraordinary.’ It uses terms like ‘exceptional,’ ‘surprising,’ and ‘unusually great.’ By contrast, the word ‘ordinary’ gets this treatment:  

"Regular, normal, customary, usual, not exceptional, not above the usual, commonplace…"

There is, in principle, absolutely nothing wrong with what’s ordinary – except when it’s also poor-to-mediocre, or significantly less than our best. But that’s exactly the problem, isn’t it? That’s just what ordinary most ordinarily is.

The ordinary life is typically one defined by the past rather than by the possible, by other people’s expectations rather than our own aspirations, by what’s easy rather than what’s right, and by always considering the safe path rather than the best one. Ordinary efforts seldom yield exceptional results.  
    
Why should we settle for ordinary when so much more is available? Something extraordinary beckons to us all, and simply awaits our passionate, determined response. But we don’t have to answer the call alone. Some of the most exceptionally wise people in all of human history have left us incredible insights on how to create and live an extraordinary life. That's why I urge people all the time to read the great practical philosophers of the past - people like Lao Tsu, Confucius, Epictetus, Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Hadrat Ali, Balthasar Gracian, and Ralph Waldo Emerson. They are some of our best guides to what an extraordinary life can be, for each of us.

This past weekend, the Morehead-Cain Foundation celebrated the thirtieth anniversary of its wonderful Associate Director, Megan Mazzochi, who arrived at her job in Chapel Hill at a time when the foundation had no computers and was debating whether it needed a fax machine. For three decades, she's helped waves of young students, such as I once was, to enter the doorway of an extraordinary life. She and the great director Chuck Lovelace, with their remarkable staff, have made extraordinary things possible for more people than they can ever know. They've encouraged and supported me in every way imaginable throughout my career as a university professor and now as a public philosopher. They've shown me in vivid ways how we can each live extraordinary lives while helping others to do the same. They inspire me in an ongoing way. And through their work with future leaders in every facet of our society, they give me an additional source of hope for the future.

Megan at the Morehead-Cain Foundation, The University of North Carolina - Chapel Hill

Like Megan Mazzochi, like Chuck Lovelace and the exceptional staff of the Morehead-Cain Foundation, and like the great thinkers of the ages who have left their wisdom behind for us to use, let's all try to play a role in helping others to live their own version of an extraordinary life, as we do so, likewise, to our own great benefit.

Oh, and for a short video of people congratulating Megan and thanking her for all her hard work over the decades, plus, at the end, a little country music style ditty I composed and played in honor of her truly super extraordinary extraordinariness, click here.

Some Journal Entries on Wisdom

I just finished editing the last of eight novels that I've been writing over the past four years. No, don't go Amazon them, or Google them yet. I haven't yet shopped them around to publishers. They're still our little secret. So, Shhh.

But, today, I wanted to share a few journal entries from one of the characters, some realizations he's had about wisdom. The character is only 14 years old, but he's been mentored by some amazing people, and has had many insights that are typically far beyond his years. Here are just a few short entries you may enjoy, as you contemplate the past year and envision the new year that's already been born.

Wisdom may come to us in words, but it lives with us in actions.

Knowledge is in the mind. Wisdom is in the heart.

We’re meant to possess knowledge. Wisdom is meant to possess us.

A life without wisdom is barren, regardless of the fireworks it contains.

Wisdom and love go together. You can't truly have one without the other.

The Wow Factor, Vegas-Style

Las Vegas is the World Capital of Attention Grabbing Overstimulation. In such a ramped up mega cacophony of sights and sounds, it's hard for anything or anyone to stand out for more than twenty seconds. That's why I was so surprised, on Fremont Street, in downtown Vegas the other night, to see an outdoor bartender quietly but flamboyantly wowing thirsty partiers who had been wandering up and down the avenue. He was an individual who truly stood out. And that's not easy, in his context. Every ten feet, there's a superhero, a breakdancer, a contortionist, a magician, musician, or a barely garbed man or woman, sometimes in a minimalistic historical costume, soliciting your attention and financial compliments. Have your picture taken with a Chippendales Dancer. Eat a Chili Dog with Darth Vader or Mr. T. How can anyone compete?

The treat of the evening was watching this one silent bar man skillfully juggling bottles and putting on a real show with each drink order, whether he got the applause and thanks he deserved or not. His skill, focus, and untiring commitment to make each customer feel special formed together a cluster of qualities that were a rare delight to see.

The noise level on Fremont can be mind-numbing. The light show projected onto the high canopy ninety feet above the street, playing off the apparently millions of neon signs also blinking from all sides, can be the ultimate distraction from any human performer. But this one guy just continued to do his thing, undaunted by the massive competition for attention that swirled all around him. Most mere mortals serving the whole range of humanity under the endless sonic assault of high decibel chaos from all directions would just hunker down, do the job, and try to get through the shift. Not this guy. You almost forgot the noise and the wild freak show flowing all around you, as he plied his craft and smoothly performed for each customer. Watching him reminded me of something important.

It's not our circumstances or our competition that determines our level of excellence or success; it's our inner commitment to what we do, and to the people we serve. 

We should never let challenges shut us down, but raise us up to peak performance. In the end, it's up to us. For a look at our man in Vegas, play the few seconds below.

Self Reflective Consciousness

Self Reflective Consciousness is the distinctive type of awareness that carries within itself the ability to consider and think about ourselves. It's the mind's inner mirror that reflects to us what we're doing and thinking, and lets us ponder that. It provides the capacity for self appraisal, self judgment, self correction, and self guidance.

It's our great glory, and our big problem. It allows us to consider, choose, adapt, and transform our lives. It also lets us critique, doubt, second-guess, and worry about our lives. It's the chief engine of  what we know as personal excellence. And it's the chief obstacle to that same exalted state. We need to make the most of it, and equally, to rise above it.

Fortunately, the phenomenon of self reflective consciousness can itself help us to get into a position to leave it behind, as we enter "The Zone" or "Flow" or the "Deep Play" of creative work, athletic mastery, musical reverie, or even a great relationship, at its best.

Is it then a ladder to be climbed and eventually kicked away? Or is it a lifeline that we need always with us, at least in the background, despite our equal need to transcend it?

The top performers in any art, science, or work, in their greatest moments, as they report later to us, rose above it, kicked it aside, and shed its limitations as they soared to their highest achievements. They became self forgetful in order to reach the pinnacle of self fulfillment.

This reflective state of consciousness, this inner mirror and critic, is a blessing when it helps us to find our way, and a curse when it just gets in our way. We need to grow better at using this capacity so well that it will help us to soar far beyond its limiting and commenting chatter. 

Then, we enter the realm where we can fly.

Luck and You and Me

Are you lucky or unlucky? It just might be that this doesn't really matter - unless, of course, you're in Vegas, like I am today. Believe it or not, philosophy often happens here. Maybe even more often than good luck.

Let me quote Diane Ackerman, from her great book Deep Play, where she is exploring how even our hardest work can be undertaken as a form of play. While pondering the role of something like luck in the game of life, she refers to an ancient text and writes: 

"In the Sanskrit Mahabharata, for example, we find men, who represent the seasons, deciding the world's weather and crop yield by rolling gold and silver dice. But, aside from luck or the favor of the gods, the player succeeds by his or her own talents." 

What does she mean by 'luck' here? Maybe anything beyond human choice, the force or cluster of forces that brings things into our lives apart from our own contrivance. You could equally speak of fate, or destiny, or divine providence. But for the sake of understanding Ackerman's remark, let's stick with luck. Then, we can articulate what I take to be her insight. We can say it a number of ways.

Luck sets the course. We decide how to play it.

Luck arranges the obstacles. We figure out how to move around and through them.

Again, perhaps: 

Luck paves the road. We choose how to travel it.

We all have challenges. Everyone has opportunities. Sometimes, one situation is both. And, viewed properly, the world presents much more of this duality than you might imagine. An opportunity turns out to be, also, and perhaps unexpectedly, a problem. A problem is revealed, in the end, to contain an opportunity. This happens all the time. I like to think of this phenomenon as a turnaround. Things that come into our lives can be, ultimately, quite different from what they at first seem. It's up to us how to react, respond, and rearrange our expectations.

Of course, luck is also often referred to as chance. And there's an ancient perspective on this. Chance favors the prepared mind, the skilled hand, the creative spirit, and the person with lots of great relationships.

We need to remember, the world isn't here to give us what we want, but to help make us into what we can be. And I, for one, could use a little help.

What luck!