Weather

I was driving to the post office over at the beach in a light rain. I found myself thinking, "Wow, bad weather." But then I caught myself immediately and asked, inwardly, "Why is it bad weather? Why isn't it just weather?"

Well, there are some things you can't or don't do when it's raining, I told myself. It's an exclusionary form of weather. But then I saw a guy jogging, his shirt soaked through. But he wasn't running to get out of the rain. He was simply running in the rain.

Ok. Maybe rain isn't bad weather. Maybe it's just weather, like warm sunshine with a light breeze across the water. We may favor one sort of weather to another. But it's all just weather.

"Say that to the people who were in Boston this winter," the voice in my head reminds me. Yeah, some extreme weather requires that we manage our activities better, or even perhaps refrain from a certain range of possibilities, until the weather changes, which it always eventually does.

And as I continued this little mental dialogue, I came to realize how many things we label bad without a really good reason. It is what it is. And that's sometimes a useful thing to say, or think. We adapt. We adjust. And we know that things will change.

How often do we get all worked up with thoughts like "This is awful" when those thoughts are as useless as they are false? I got home and said, "It's raining pretty hard now."

And my wife said, "The new plants really need it. It's great."

And I was glad I had that talk with myself.

Greed

What would the world be like without greed - Greed for power, money, status, fame, stuff, experience, or love? A reader recently posed this question. So let's reflect on it. Greed is a potent source of action. It powers ambition and achievement. It moves people to take a risk and persist. It can even elicit creativity. It gets people up in the morning, and keeps them working hard through the day, and even into the night. In the hit movie Wall Street, the star character Gordon Gekko famously proclaimed, "Greed is good." 

But is he right? A philosopher like me would say that greed is not only unnecessary, it's unhealthy and toxic. It's not good at all.

Desire is a good thing, when attached to good purposes. Greed is an excess of desire. Aristotle had an interesting analysis of virtue as the mid point between two vices, or extremes. Courage, for example, is the mid point between the extreme of too little, called cowardice or timidity, and the excess of too much, known as rashness, or temerity. Likewise, perhaps, a healthy form or degree of desire is a mid point between the too-little of apathy, and the too-much of greed. Desire is necessary for ambition and achievement. Greed isn't. In fact, greed enslaves and corrupts people. And this has been recognized by the wisest thinkers, east and west. It's the maximal extent of what eastern philosophers call "attachment." It's bad for the soul. And it isn't for even a minute good for business.

Greed is about getting what you want, not about making the world a better place. It doesn't actually support the full range of creativity or curiosity you might at first think it would, but just focuses on getting the most it can the quickest way possible. It's willing to do great damage to others to get its own way. And it's sometimes surprised by the consequences.

The greedy tend to go too far, burn bridges, alienate others, and violate all known ethical codes. They become captivated by things they don't need. They get obsessed by things and habits that will distort their lives. They lose all balance and discernment. They bull their way into situations that will ultimately make them unhappy. They corrupt their own souls.

I was asked this question just a few days ago by a reader of this blog: What would the world be without greed? My answer is simple. It would be a much better place. And, Yo, thanks for asking.

And readers: Feel free to make other suggestions. I desire them, but promise you I'm not greedy. I'll share.

Help For Those Who Need It

My daughter just had a flat tire. It happened not far from home, in a high end gated community. Her car was disabled in an undeveloped area, ten feet off a main road. Lots and lots of people drove by her, a few feet away. Many of them looked at her. She told me that one guy even hung his head out his car window, staring. Her emergency flashers were on, and she was outside the Volvo SUV, a petite blond thirty-something, after her phone call to Triple A, and obviously in need of help. People rode by her on bikes. A man walked his dog by her, a few feet away, twice. And no one asked her if she was Ok, or needed anything.

It's not that people were afraid to stop. She's certainly not a threatening individual. Plus, it was mid day, and the neighborhood has lots of security. Three or four security cars actually drove by during her forty five minute wait for help. One officer waved. But again, even those whose duty is to help didn't. She never tried to flag anyone down. She was taking charge of the situation from the start and calling for a tow truck guy to come help her. But then she waited. And waited, flashers going all the time. She just couldn't help but notice that no one at all inquired about whether she was Ok or needed help.

When she got home, she told me the whole story, astonished that no one tried to be of assistance or had even asked whether there was anything they could do for her.  Bu then she said, "It's called diffusion of responsibility." There's, of course, a related tale in the Bible called the story of the Good Samaritan. There's also some stuff in the same text that we often refer to as The Golden Rule. But she didn't experience anyone applying either passage in a positive way on this particular day.

I'm glad she told me the story. I don't want to be one of those guys who sees a need and keeps going. Her experience has reminded me that if we see anything where another person may be in some sort of difficulty, it would be good to stop and at least ask about their wellbeing, or need, and offer to help anyway we can.

And, hey, it's not securing peace in the middle east, but a mindset attuned to be of help does make the world a better place, if only by a little bit. Let's all try to do our bit as we move about through our days.

What's Holding You Back?

People often find themselves in activities, jobs, and even relationships of various kinds that seem to do nothing but dissipate their energies and drag them down. And even when the negativity is subtle, it can be draining. Life is too short for that, and too important an opportunity. We're here to grow and soar. Struggle is certainly a part of life, as well. And it's often necessary for deep growth. But nothing's worse than unnecessary struggle or a situation that simply confines your spirit and dampens your fire.

If there's something in your life that often brings you down, or that seems like an uphill struggle, or clearly holds you back, it could be a problem you need to tackle and work through. It might indeed be a source for positive growth. Or at some point, you may just have to ask:

Does it feed my spirit?

Does it touch my soul?

Is it an important part of why I'm here?

And:

Can I do some good in this and still be fully who I am?

If the answer in each question isn't a resounding yes, then that might be a touchstone for change, a sign that you need to rethink what you're doing. The world benefits most from flourishing people, and not so much from individuals who are living at odds with who they really are. Sometimes, you need to rethink what you're doing, and shed what holds you back, in order to move closer to the light.

A Little Bit of Paradox

Each of us is ordinary. Each nonetheless is more. Each of us has limits. Each is infinite, as well. Each of us is flesh. Yet each of us is spirit. Each is of the earth. Each is of the stars. Each started small. Each can be great. Each has a real past. Each is mostly future.

We all live now. We all can grow. Almost anything can kill us. Almost nothing can stop us. Others can build us up. Others can bring us down. Belief can drain us. Belief can fulfill us. Good action is for others. Good action is for us. 

Wisdom is hard. It's also quite easy. Action is the means. It is also the end. 

Good Grief, Charlie Brown.

Recently, I asked readers for some topics they'd like to see me blog on. I got lots of suggestions. I've written on two of them already. Today, I'll tackle a tough one, and briefly: Grief.

Grief is an experience and expression of great value lost. We can grieve the passing of a family member, a friend, a pet, or our youth. We can grieve the loss of a job, or a marriage, or the demise of a great business. 

Grief, like most emotions, can be rational or irrational. It would make no sense to grieve the loss of a potato chip. And there are probably philosophical conditions for sensible grief. It makes sense for me to grieve the loss of people and animals I've known, in a way that it might not, regarding people and animals whose passing I rationally know must be happening around the world, but with whom I've never had contact. In one of his early movies, Woody Allen's character says something like, "If one guy is starving somewhere in the world, it puts a crimp in my day." And I get that. I feel a keen regret about the suffering and loss around the world that happens every day - at least, when I have the time to think about it. But my experience of that is not quite the same thing as grief.

Grief is personal. And it can be good. If a person or relationship or endeavor or hope has indeed been of great value, and of great value to you, it would make no sense to experience its loss without such an emotional recognition of its value. The stoic philosophers wanted to avoid any disturbing emotion, but, as I've pointed out in my book The Stoic Art of Living, in a discussion of Epictetus, they went too far. Epictetus even went so far as to think that on hearing of the death of your son or spouse, you should react exactly as you would if you had heard instead that someone else's son or spouse had died. And that makes no sense at all. It would signal a pathology, or emotional void that isn't properly human.

But what Aristotle said about anger is also appropriate concerning grief. In order to evaluate its experience in our lives, he urged us to ask questions like: For whom? On account of what? How intense? And for how long? As a philosopher I believe that things and people can have objective value. And I think they can also have subjective value, which constitutes the manner and degree with which we place value on them. Part of rational living is to acknowledge anything that has objective value with a subjective response proportionate to it. Of course, we can value personal possessions, or a tree in the backyard, with our own special subjectivity, tracking the history we have with such things, and our subjective response can in such cases go far beyond any question of objective value, but when there is high objective value, or an appropriately elevated subjective value, grief is an altogether appropriate response to loss.

But grief must have limits, in order to be good - limits of both intensity and duration. In order to honor the high value of something or someone who has been lost, we don't have to inflict on ourselves the other great losses that would result from being totally overwhelmed and shut down for a long period of time by overly intense or prolonged grief. We have a responsibility to ourselves and those who remain around us to be as strong as we can, and make efforts to stay on the path that life has provided us, remembering that, despite any loss, there are many gains and even joys that can await us, and be brought to others by us, if we can regain our equilibrium.

No one promised us that life would be easy and without loss. In fact, as great philosophers have understood, we need difficulty and loss to refine us and goad us to grow into the full maturity that life can afford us.

To know good grief is to know a part of that growth.

Using the Power of the Mind

How do you use the power of your mind? In the weight room, my workout partner prepares himself for a really heavy bench press lift by vividly imagining a guy in college who tried to steal his girlfriend. And by visualizing this nemesis, he mentally takes himself back in time and gets really mad. He feels the anger. And he says it fuels his strength and his subsequent accomplishment with the lift.

It's amazing to me that he can still get so worked up about something that happened thirty years ago. But he can. And he uses it well. But I can't do that. I take a really different approach.

When I lie down on the bench with three hundred pounds or more looming over me, I go to a happy place. I imagine a beautiful day at the beach near my home. The sand is soft, and just the right hue of very light beige, the sky is an amazing blue, with a few little puffy white clouds floating by, over to the east and the water is a stunning aquamarine, with great waves tossing off sparkling whitecaps.

My workout partner likes to call this my "Puppies, Butterflies, and Rainbows Approach." But it works. It Zens me out and lifts me up. It's exactly what I need. I don't try to talk my friend out of his college rage re-creation, despite my worries about his blood pressure. And he doesn't try to get me away from those cute little puppies on the beach. We use different approaches, but to the same end - to get our minds into a place where we can draw more deeply on the resources we have, in order to face the challenge that confronts us.

What do you do? Should you do more? Those puppies could use some attention.

Our Kardashian Kulture

The news just broke. Culture phenomenon Kim Kardashian hit a new milestone on Twitter: 27 million followers. And of course she decided to commemorate this astonishing accomplishment by sharing with the world a selfie of her bottom in a thong. It was an appropriate celebration for such a fundamental (from the Latin, fundament, or bottom) achievement. I'm a philosopher, unlike Kim. And I have about 5,000 followers on Twitter, give or take. I'm convinced that if Socrates were alive and Tweeting, he'd have maybe 12.

Oh, and that first public philosopher was poisoned by public demand. He wasn't the most popular guy in his time. But, by contrast, the Kardashians just signed a new 100 million dollar, four year renewal deal with the E! Network for their television shows. What's the lesson lurking for us here?

People pay (in money and attention) for what they want and what they need - right? No. Not at all. People pay for what they want and for what they feel like they need. Everyone needs wisdom in their lives. But relatively few really feel this to the extent of devoting time and energy and even, occasionally, money to its pursuit.

In the seventeenth century, the great scientist and mathematician Blaise Pascal watched a version of this going on in his time. His diagnosis was simple. He said:

Being unable to cure death, wretchedness, and ignorance, men have decided, in order to be happy, not to think about such things.

Most people, he believed, don't know really who they are, why they're here, or where they're going in this world of mystery that presents us with the only sure thing as the looming abyss of death, into which all of us, sooner or later, will fall. Yeah. Ok. He wasn't always the life of the party, either. But, then, he says:

We run heedlessly into the abyss after putting something in front of us to stop us from seeing it.

Kim Kardashian's most fundamental asset helps to block our view of the abyss. Pascal called this diversion. We prefer diversion, or distraction, over a pursuit of truth, understanding, and real meaning. We want to be entertained. We feel a desperate need to be entertained. And we're willing to pay a lot for it. It didn't surprise me at all that a book came out about this, years ago, entitled Amusing Ourselves to Death.

Is there anything wrong with amusement or entertainment? No, of course not. A nice diversion now and then, a happy distraction, can play a healthy role in our lives. But not if it's the major portion of our lives. It can't become an obsession and be healthy at all. We need more. We need to get in touch with the deepest cosmic realities now and then. We need self knowledge, a sense of our place in the world, and values that will lead us along a path of real fulfillment and happiness, rather than taking us down the dead end road of their modern counterfeits. 

We need to engage in a little Socratic questioning of our cultural values right now, and of our personal commitments. The founding philosophers in ancient times loved fun and parties and entertainment. And so do I. But they didn't use these things to keep them from ever going deeper. And we should take a hint from them. In a balanced culture, even Socrates might have blown up Twitter, and without anything remotely like a Kardashian know-thy-selfie.

Focus!

One of the greatest keys to success in modern business is focus. Let's think about it for a bit.

First, notice that the word is primarily a verb. Focus. Even the noun form is an action word. Focus is something you have precisely when it’s something you do.  And I think there are three basic imperatives involved with attaining and keeping great focus.

1. Ignore Distractions. Ask What Matters.

There’s an old saying that the two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. That could be true. And if there’s a third, it just may be distraction.

We’re always surrounded by distractions – news, gossip, emails, texts, phone messages, the never ending streams of social media, the various forms of old fashioned media, and people stopping by to shoot the breeze or tell us about their problems. The buzz of distraction is incessant. And it’s all around us. We have to learn to block it out and ignore it.

We need to question things. What’s relevant to our concerns, and what’s off target, even if just slightly? What can advance us along our path, and what would just detain us and hold us back? We can draw this crucial distinction only if we have clear targets, clear goals around which to structure our focus, and guidelines for properly getting there. Those organizing aims, ideas, and principles then become the test for anything that enters our consciousness: Will this thing or idea or opportunity or conversation help us properly to attain our goals, or not? Is it useful, or not? Will it keep us on the road, or detour us off course?

2. Select. Eliminate.

Apple founder and CEO Steve Jobs would often say, “Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do.” He would then usually explain that, “Good things have to be set aside so that we can do really, really great things.” 

To select is to eliminate. We all have limited time and energy. Choice allows us to cut through the thicket of what’s possible and carve out a path we can follow. The famously groundbreaking modern painter Piet Mondrian claimed that the most difficult brush stroke in any painting is the very first one. Prior to that, the blank canvas presents to the artist infinitely many possibilities. The first stroke begins a process of elimination. To choose is to exclude. When we do this, we can’t also do that. 

Without elimination, there is no selection. You may think you’ve made a new choice, and set a new goal, but if that hasn’t resulted in the exclusion of other contrary behaviors, you really don’t have a new goal at all. “No” is just as important than “Yes,” and must be much more frequent. 

3. Use the Perspective of Purpose.

How then can you be properly selective? You can use the perspective of purpose. 

I’ve suggested that clear goals help us to identify and eliminate distractions that would get in the way of our progress. But how do we set the right goals in the first place? By having a solid sense of purpose and mission for what we’re doing. Why do we exist as a company or department or institution? What’s our purpose? Why am I doing what I'm doing? Those should be questions that everyone can ask and answer, in their own context. A strong sense of purpose brings with it both a motivation to focus and a power to do so well. 

Aristotle understood long ago that we humans are essentially purposeful beings. When we have a purpose we can believe in, then it will by nature guide our behavior in a way that external forces can never threaten or replicate. Buying in to a purpose is just setting your heart and mind in a particular direction, and on a specific road, and one that inherently involves the strength of focus. 

I think we can say even more. Focus is destiny. What we focus on determines what we become and accomplish. Vagueness is the enemy of excellence. Focus is its engine.

Meditation in Good Company

Ok. I know. I've written about meditation twice recently. But those blogs were spurred by reading the really good Dan Harris book, 10% Happier. I couldn't help myself. Blame Dan. But today's rumination comes from a Sunday New York Times Article this week on how the CEO of Aetna insurance has introduced Yoga and meditation to his employees and customers. The results are wild.

Mark Bertolini had a near fatal skiing accident, and in his long battle to recover discovered both yoga and meditation. The practices had a profound impact on him. And so, when he became CEO, he had the idea of introducing them to the entire company, as something he would recommend and encourage, but not require.

To convince the company's head physician to go along with this, he offered to ask employees who wanted to volunteer for a little research to join one of three groups: the yoga group, the meditation group, and a control group. In a very short time, the yoga and meditation people were reporting lower stress and showing it in their heart functions and cortisol levels. The company spread the gospel, and more people signed up for these stretching and breathing exercises. The overall health of the organization improved right away, and was manifested in a big drop in medical costs. People felt better and reported greater focus and productivity. Aetna's stock has also tripled during this time, by the way. Check out the detailed stats in the Times piece. "It's magical," Bertolini reported. What's not to love?

Of course, there are critics. The author of a recent Harvard Business Review article, David Brendel, argues that we shouldn't over use techniques like meditation in the workplace to reduce stress because stress can be useful to prompt critical thinking, and so isn't just something to avoid. And to an extent, I agree. But my view would be that a little stress can go a long way. If practices like yoga, meditation, jogging, or weight lifting can take the edge off the stress, the anxiety, and the wholly unnecessary blight of worry in people's lives, something is gained and nothing worthwhile is lost.

A little stress is fine. Stress is where opportunity and challenge meet. It's the baseline experience of pressure. And that's not always a bad thing. But too much is counterproductive. And too much is the exact dose that stress usually comes in. Any practice that can reduce it down to healthy levels, while refreshing the spirit and sharpening personal focus is to be commended.

Of course, mediation is not meant to replace rational thought. They have to be used in tandem. As Brendel says: 

Mindful meditation should always be used in the service of enhancing, not displacing, people’s rational and analytical thought processes about their careers and personal lives.

So, to prepare yourself for whatever rational and analytical thought you might need, in any new challenge, you might first find yourself a comfortable spot and do like innovative CEOs often do. Breathe. And chill. If only for a few minutes. And let me know how it goes. Om interested.

A Change of Plans

How do you react when all your plans have to be changed at the last minute? 

I made it to the airport in time for my 11:05 AM flight. I stood in line, went through security, got to the gate, and then looked up at the monitor to see "CANCELLED." I hadn't yet turned on my phone. It was a busy morning. So it was news to me. First and only big mistake of the day. I went over to the gate agent and waited my turn. "Hey, I've been cancelled and I have a talk in Charlotte at dinner."

"Oh. That's too bad." Clicking. Clicking. Clicking. Waiting. Endless waiting. More clicking. Bad Frownie Face. "Uh Oh. We can't get you there until really late tonight."

"What do you mean?"

"You're backed up, but all the seats were full on the next couple of flights out. You get in really late."

Nice face. "I can't do that. I have a talk at dinner. Can I drive to Raleigh? It's only 2 hours. I could fly to Charlotte from there."

Clicking. Clicking. Clicking. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Disappointed face.

"No, they're all full, too. Sorry."

"What should I do?"

Bright face. "We can get you to Atlanta, on Delta."

"You can?"

"Yes! I think so. But I'm not sure about getting you from Atlanta to Charlotte."

Ok. I thought to myself. If my roughly 200 Bank of America executives don't mind relocating to Atlanta in the next couple of hours, and finding a hotel there, then, we're fine.

In the old days, I would have been really worried. Now, when things change and there's a big challenge, I use what I have, stay calm within, and take action. I had an old car in the parking lot. It's my "leave outside at the airport car." Do I want to drive that to Charlotte? No. Maybe I have time to drive it back home and get a much better car. I think I can make it. Ok. Let's go. 

In the old days, I would have worried and fretted and DREADED a drive in the rain to Charlotte, which, in those days, was four hours and fifteen minutes. Now, thanks to road improvements, you can do it in under four hours. Maybe three and a half. Sorry, Officer. That would not have made any difference, though. I used to dread any big last minute travel changes. I used to hate long drives. Now, though, I'm learning to live in the moment, adapt, and adjust as things change. Who knows? I might enjoy the drive.

I did. I did enjoy the drive, as long as it was. I didn't have to listen to the radio, or anything. I thought. I pondered. I contemplated. I went all Zen-ful. I noticed stuff. I was still. I wondered: There's a thing called "Walking Meditation" - Is there any such thing as "Driving Meditation"? Or would that end up with you contemplating bent fenders and broken bones? 

The drive was fine. It was actually more than fine. It was nice. And I got to my destination, and even after getting lost in the city, having set the wrong address in my iPhone, I arrived in time to sign about 200 books, iron my shirt, press my suit, lie on the bed for a minute with my eyes closed, eat a snack, get dressed, and go speak. And it was great. Fun-Great.

But on the drive back, the very next morning, the pondering, contemplating, and Zen-ful mindset lasted only about half the trip. I listened to the radio for 15 minutes. Then I turned it off and started giving dramatic renditions, aloud, of Shakespeare soliloquies, and modern poems. And I had fun again.

So here's the lesson. When things go bad, use what you have, stay at peace within, as much as you can, and take action quickly. And be mindful. Live in the moment. And then, if you really need help, it can be good to have some stuff committed to memory. To be or not to be. That is the question. And yeah, the question goes on for hundreds more words - enough to keep you busy on the highway, or anywhere else, for that matter. And there's a lot of other good passages to memorize in the Bard, as well. It works for me. And I wanted to share. 

Cows, Chickens, and Taters

Did your parents, or any other significant adult during your growing-up years, have any favorite sayings that have stayed with you over time? Adam Grant recently interviewed CEO Susan Salka, of AMN Healthcare and asked a question like this. Let me share the brief exchange.

Any favorite expressions that your parents would repeat often around the dinner table?

My dad has 10,000 expressions. When he would say these things as I was growing up, I would roll my eyes every time, but I find myself using many of those same expressions today. One of them has to do with keeping things simple and making people feel comfortable around you. If somebody was talking over his head, using big words, being too complex, or trying to act too sophisticated, he would say, “Would you break that down to cows, chickens and taters?”

I used to think it was silly — what do cows, chickens and taters have to do with each other? But years later, I realized that the message is, keep it simple. Don’t overcomplicate things. As a leader, that’s something that I’ve really learned over time. The strategy and the business can be complex, but you have to explain them in a way that’s really easy to understand.

Cows, chickens, and taters. I like that. Even though I've never lived on a farm, that resonates with me. As a philosopher, I often know way too much about a subject, and I have to remind myself in many contexts to boil it down to its essence.

Simple focuses. Simple invites. Simple motivates. Complicated gets in the way. It's never necessary, until it is. But not until then.

So, whenever you're called on to describe what you do, or what your strategy might be, remember: Cows, chickens, and taters.

Letting Go of the Past

Imagine life in the present moment as a flame, a blazing fire that lights up the dark. The past is just all the ashes from what has come and gone and been transformed by the universal blaze of living. I don't know about you, but I suspect that, like me, you don't collect the ashes from your chimney, or any outdoor fire, pile them up, and spend time staring at them. By contrast, I can watch a roaring fire for a long time. It's mesmerizing. But ashes? No. not at all.

Trying to hold on to the past is like collecting the ashes from the fire of your life and grasping them in your hands, and watching them, and taking in their aroma. What's the point, or the enjoyment of that? We all have some memories of great things past. We also have recall of hurts and difficulties we've lived through. And such memories can often be a proper part of our present. But we should never allow the joys of memory or the rawness of some recollections to pull us back to times that no longer exist and things that are no more. We're meant to face forward in life, not backward. We're meant to let go of the past so we can embrace the present and reach out to the future. That's our calling, and our destiny. To do any differently is to impede our learning, and our growth. So, let go of the past. It was what it was. And now you have a present. It is what it is. Releasing what's gone allows you to relish what's here, or perhaps what's yet to come. The future is our destiny. But the only step we can take to get there is in our present.

Note: This is a second in a new series of blogs on topics of request. Have a concern for me to write about? Just let me know!

Embracing Change

The entire universe is engaged in a wild dance of change. In 500 BC, Heraclitus wrote, "Things are always changing." He was just echoing the Chinese I Ching, or Book of Changes, from much earlier in history. What would Heraclitus say now? Probably: "I told you so."

For so long, the nature of human life and civilization was mostly out of synch with the roiling reality of change below it, in the atomic and subatomic substructure of the cosmos. People lived much the same, day to day. There was an illusion of stability and solidity. Generations came and went in basically the same conditions. Even wars were all pretty much the same. But at some time toward the end of the last century, the mask of predictability slipped off, and we began to see the true face of change. And now, it just continually speeds up.

So, how do we embrace chance, rather than resisting it, resenting it, and then regretting it? We have to embrace a worldview that values growth and learning, second only to love. But of course, in order to live and convey love in the best ways, we need to learn and grow and ... change. Love isn't static. It's dynamic. Love is always changing. It either grows and flourishes in ever new ways, or it decays and diminishes. We know that, but we forget it. If you believe that nothing is more important than love, then you hold a worldview that requires you, for consistency, to embrace change.

"But not all changes are good." The voice in our heads will inevitably object.

A worldview that embraces change doesn't deny this at all. It just affirms that we can deal with any detrimental change by making our own healthy changes, in attitudes, actions, feelings, and thoughts. As long as we live, we can embrace change, either in a hug of affirmation, or as committed wrestlers twisting and turning it into something better than it at first presented itself to be. Embracing is engaging. It's sometimes about joy, sometimes about judo. But love can't just flee in the face of change. It always seeks to encounter the reality of what is and make the best of it. That requires always using what we have, being at peace within, and moving forward with courage and hope.

Things are not often what they seem. Neither are changes. Love will always caress or correct. It will embrace the realities of this dynamic world order and dance with the flux as it finds its way to the greatness that is its due.

How about you?

Note: This the first of a series of blogs by request. You guys have written me and suggested things to ponder. This is where it starts.

Confidence and Courage

Confidence and courage are closely related. We often need them both in challenging circumstances. But how exactly do they relate to each other? It occurred to me today that I should reflect for a moment on what's similar and what's different between these two important qualities. 

I've claimed for years that confidence is one of the seven most universal conditions for success in any difficult undertaking. But why not courage? Don't we need it as well? Why would one of these qualities, and not the other, be universally applicable to success in challenging endeavors?

First, some careful clarification. 

Both confidence and courage are dispositions to think and act in certain ways rather than others. Neither of these qualities in you will let your circumstances dictate what you think or what you do. Courage and confidence both seek to rise above circumstances and shape reality, not just reflect it.

Confidence isn't mainly about believing that certain things will certainly or likely happen. It doesn't require making precise predictions concerning the future and feeling sure of them. It's more about believing in yourself, or your team, than it is about believing that one or another thing is sure to happen.

Courage is more about valuing and treasuring, than it is about predicting or believing, although it can involve all these things.

Confidence is a positive orientation toward doing what you judge to be right that's undeterred by obstacles. It carries a personal expectation that your action will lead you in some way closer to your goals.

Courage is a positive orientation toward doing what you judge to be right that's undeterred by danger. It carries with it a positive commitment that your action is right, regardless of its ultimate results.

Ignorance isn't confidence. Ignorance isn't courage. Neither positive quality can be produced by brainwashing indoctrinations, or supported by mind altering drugs. Each of these qualities is best nurtured in a soil of knowledge and wisdom.

Confidence helps you do what you feel you want to do. It's about marshaling your resources.

Courage helps you do what you feel you ought to do. It's about defeating your fears.

A person acting courageously doesn't necessarily expect success in securing a desired outcome. A person acting confidently does to some extent expect success in securing a desired outcome.

Confidence is a universal condition for success in any challenging endeavor, because challenges always involve obstacles and difficulties. Courage is always helpful, but not always literally necessary, since many challenging situations don't literally involve dangers of harm. But a generally courageous person ordinarily has an easier time of being confident in the face of difficulty.

The deeper of the two qualities may be courage. But the most pervasively useful is probably confidence. When you think about them enough, you come to realize that, different as they are, these two qualities very often go together and be mutually supporting.

We Know So Little

We don't know one tenth of one percent of anything. Who first said that? I think it was Thomas Edison who, at least in that remark, knew one hundred percent of what he was talking about.

It's easy to think that our best science already basically understands the world and those of us in it, until you talk to real scientists, or at least the ones who are the pioneers at the cutting edge of their specialities. Human history is a series of misguided certainties. People have always thought that they basically knew what was going on in the world around them. And people have been so very wrong so many times that it should give us pause and instill in us a little humility, along with the measure of confidence that we also rightly need.

Modern medicine is at the brink of discoveries and changes that will so deeply revolutionize everything that it's hard for us now to imagine what health and healthcare will be like in a hundred years. And it may come much sooner than that.

Robotics will drastically alter manufacturing. Bigger, better, and much faster computers - even different sorts of computing - will reinvent business in many ways, only a few of which are already evident.

I suspect that psychology will even make discoveries that will transform our self understanding. And philosophy may make inroads that have been hitherto unanticipated. We're moving into the unknown at a faster pace than we can even guess on our wildest days. The cosmic and epistemic wind is strong at our backs, but we don't always feel it.

There are times on board a plane when it can seem like you're just sitting still in a nice leather armchair. But you're moving at hundreds of miles an hour. I see this as a nice metaphor for the human condition. It can sometimes feel like we're sitting still, when we're all moving forward much faster than we can sense.

When I was in middle school, and even high school, I'd ride for an hour in the family car to visit my grandparents, my father's parents, on their farm. They didn't have indoor plumbing or an electric stove. To wash my hands for lunch, I'd first go out behind the house to a dark metal pump. I'd put a basin beneath the spigot and grab the old rusty handle and pump a couple of times, before the cold, clear water began to flow. With the basin full, I'd take it back into the house and wash up in it, using soap someone had made, and then I'd go eat whatever had been cooked on the wood stove. Later in the day, we'd find leftovers stored in the unrefrigerated white wooden "pie safe" and have a snack. The "bathroom" had no walls, roof, or floor, and was out back behind some bushes. Things have changed, to put it mildly, at least for most of us. But the changes we've seen are nothing compared to what's around the corner.

So, when you're tempted to think you've got it all figured out, remember our kinetically kaleidoscopic context. We all could use a little Socratic self-realization about how little we truly know concerning the most fundamental mysteries of existence, and even the mundanities of everyday life. We need to open our minds a little more than ever before, with genuine curiosity to learn. The pace of change won't slow or stop, apart from a technology ending global catastrophe. The only way to dance with change well is with a humble spirit, an open mind, and insatiable curiosity.

I'm a philosopher who believes that we know many deep truths about life already. But I also think we have much more to learn yet ahead. And this sense impels me to explore, and seek more avidly than ever before. I hope you feel the same.

Worry

It makes no sense to worry about what we can't control. But then it also makes no sense to worry about what we can control. So, therefore, as a philosopher would say, worry makes no sense.

I've never seen worry improve a situation. I've just seen it stress people out and drag them down.

You may think that it's your job to worry. I respectfully suggest you're wrong. Your job, whatever it is, certainly requires attention, awareness, and care, and perhaps even meticulous concern. It no doubt calls for diligence and foresight, checking, and double checking. It certainly benefits from backup plans and thoroughgoing prudence.

But worry, however natural, is never required. Never. At best, it's a redundant use of energy that would be better put to work in positive ways. More typically, it's a negative void that sucks energy away - energy that you could indeed put to a much more creative use.

So, if you worry, don't worry. Just don't worry.

The Storms of Life

What can we learn from the storms of life?

I've mentioned before that over the past four years, I've been on an unexpected and unplanned adventure of writing a series of novels set in Egypt in 1934 and 1935, a time and place about which I knew little, when on a cloudy day in February of 2011, a movie began playing in my head and I rushed to write down all that I saw and heard. 

This morning, as I edited a passage, I came across a statement on learning from life's storms that I wanted to share. An older man crossing the desert says this to his nephew, right after they've survived a big desert windstorm and the boy thanks his uncle for a lesson he just taught him:

The world teaches me something every day. When you pay attention to life, truly pay attention, many good lessons come your way. Some arise out of darkness and wind. A mighty tempest can teach us in unforgettable ways. I wager that you’ll never forget this brief and violent storm today, and what you learned about how to act quickly, to protect yourself, to stay calm, and endure. The most tempestuous things in life often carry with them the deepest and most useful lessons about our actions, and our abilities. If we use our minds well, we can learn from even the most fearful and difficult things. Often, we gain the best insights from precisely those events.

I hope this statement resonates with you like it does with me. We can't keep the storms from coming, but we can learn from them if we pay attention and use our minds well.

Meditation: A Dogged Pursuit.

Meditation. So: What do you do?

Just sit still, go blank, and stew?

Or breathe real slow and notice your breath

Until nirvana, or you’re bored to death?

Should there be incense, a candle - zen kitsch

to distract that inner voice wanting to bitch?

Or could it be simply about taking a break

to feel any itch and pain and ache

in a body at peace, or a state of release, 

that allows your mindfulness to increase?

Sure, zenned out bliss may not arise,

but I do grab a rest when I close my eyes.

All things considered, whenever I've sat

it's been much better than chasing some cat.

- Inspired by the travails of Dan Harris, in 10% Happier, and a meditating dog.

Exuberance!!!

I've come to think that a vastly under appreciated quality in life is exuberance. It's a form of passionate energy that lights people up and gives a glow to anything they do.

Now, I'm not talking about the artificially chirpy forced positivity that you sometimes see in exceedingly annoying people. That's an artificial copy, a counterfeit, easily recognized, for the genuine article of my concern here. I'm talking about a natural energy that flows through some people and leads to great things. I remember reading about a lecture once given by Linus Pauling, the Nobel Laureate, where he was literally dancing on a table in excited illustration of some idea that was inspiring him. His cynical colleagues would just shake their heads. But it was exuberant Linus who did the breakthrough work.

Exuberance, done right, is motivating and magnetic. It enlivens and uplifts. It's the fuel of discovery and great change. And it's insufficiently understood.

"Wait," you might be saying if you have a bit of skepticism in you about this, "Would you really want an exuberant plumber or electrician? An exuberant barber or checkout person at the grocery store?" Actually, yes. Whenever I'm around genuine exuberance that's not a mask for something else, I feel refreshed and energized. It raises my confidence level in the person displaying this quality. And it makes me glad that, in a world of Eeyores, there are still some Tiggers.